Saturday, March 12, 2011

Twilight: A Rebuttal

While we as Dukes are often in complete agreement about nearly all matters, moving and acting as one, there are some points where we differ. One of these points was brought to light with a recent poll question posted by Zac. The question was “which of the following movies based on a book series is your favorite”. While the options were all exceptional I chose to vote, multiple times and from different computers, for Twilight. My reasons for doing this were twofold:

1. To irritate Zac: While Zac’s hatred for the Twilight ‘saga’ ,as it had been named, is known throughout the land; I continually find myself rooting for it, if for no other reason than to watch his pupils dilate with rage. For me, Twilight is the CJ Miles of books. Though in reality it is terrible literature and hardly succeeds in what is trying to do, I find myself cheering for it for no other reason other than to laugh as Zac threatens me. (Threats which will one day, likely quite soon after he reads this post, come to pass) While I understand that this is not a valid reason and is honestly quite a blaring weak spot in my moral fiber I cannot help but laugh to myself, even has he mercilessly beats me to a pulp. Edward is not a name that you will be able to use Zac, not now.

Twilight: 1 Zac: 0

2. Cultural aspect: Here we have a series of books that no one really took seriously when it was first suggested (Stephanie Meyer had to go through nine different publishing companies before she found one that would risk it) This series has literally changed the face of modern culture. This book series which has been so reviled, has single handedly created a new section at Barnes and Noble, now for any who may so desire, they can find all their abnormal romance needs in the “teen paranormal romance” section. For that we all owe a great debt of gratitude to this grand book series. Out of the other options (Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, The Chronicles of Narnia, and James Bond) which series has been able to mold an entire subculture of tweens? Which of those series has made more teenage girls cry? Which of those series has allowed more middle aged women to look longingly at underage men without legal repercussions? None of them. Not a single one. While Twilight has done all of those things, without hardly batting an eye. Kudos to you Twilight.

Twilight: 2 Zac: 0

In conclusion I would like to place the following disclaimer on this article:

Yes I have read all of the Twilight books, and yes I have seen the movies. In my personal opinion the books were borderline decent, not well written, but still entertaining, and the movies were an atrocity (If I had voted my actual conscience on the poll and not just to irritate the readers and skew the results I would have said James Bond, because who in the hell doesn’t like James Bond, no one, that’s who. If you don’t, you’re a communist) However as always I must play the devil’s advocate and defend my position, whether or not I agree with it in any way shape or form. I hope that all who read this realize that this post is not an actual reflection of my opinion and is a satire. I love Zac and cry with him when he cries and rage with him when he rages about the loss of his middle name. One day it will be returned my friend, in the mean time you can just plan on naming your first son after your dearest friend: Coombsy. (It has to be Coombsy though; you can’t name him Cameron, because that is a dumb name)

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