Monday, February 10, 2014

The Intrepid Dukes attempt to become Belligerent Gentleman

The new year often ushers in the desire for changes in life. It is most likely due to the fact that the new year is often associated as a clean slate, a chance to change, although it might have a little to do with the fact that your favorite jeans managed to shrink over the holidays and you want them to fit again. (Clearly you could not have gained weight. That is ludicrous.) While our jeans may be tight that is not what we Dukes were looking to change as January rolled in. We wanted to become better gentlemen.

Top hat optional.
In order to protect the anonymity of certain Duke members I will refrain from including names in the following section. A certain Duke was at work and he had a conversation with a woman. The content of the conversation and the attitude of said lady led this man to question her honor in a conversation with another Duke by implying her promiscuity with people other than her husband (He called her a whore). The Duke with whom the first Duke conversed thought that it was a bit extreme and he called it conduct unbecoming a gentleman. They had a discussion about attempting to be better with their language in the moments following. These two Dukes brought this conversation to a third Duke and they all discussed what types of thing they were going to try to avoid in the future. A list was made and the third Duke mentioned that they might pay for each offense and the money would be put into a jar which would appropriately be named the "Conduct Unbecoming a Gentleman" jar, or CUBG for short.

To keep with the spirit of the jar the money was not to be used to benefit the offenders. To this end the Dukes decided that the money would be donated to a charity when they had a sufficient sum. The third Duke had some passing knowledge of a site called  This site makes loans to people in third world countries that need capital to start a business or improve life. The capital they receive helps them a ton and over 99% of the loans are repaid. That just means that as the jar grows and loans are repaid we can donate to other causes. We felt that it was a worthy cause and that it was a more gentlemanly move than using the money to buy ourselves pizza for our shady acts.

Probably shouldn't have made this before lunch...

So once we had decided what we were going to use the money for we decided we needed to list out our goals of what we wanted to change or avoid. Ladies and gentleman, I give you our official list of guidelines as they were originally written.

Conduct Unbecoming a Gentleman
A list of guidelines for The Belligerent Gentleman

In an effort to improve our behavior and curb any habits of ill repute, a list of guidelines and manners has been created to guide us towards a more gentlemanly state. All fines for uncouth behavior are set at 10 cents of the initial month. At the end of the initial month a review of the guidelines will take place to assess if some need to be removed and others added. The guidelines are as follows:

Salty language: This includes words commonly referred to as “swear words” as well as words such as: Dick, Douche or Douchebag and terms such as “piss off”.  When intended as an exclamation, the use of phrases such as “Son of a whore” and “Whores teeth” is not a C.U.B.G. offense.

Road rage: This refers to yelling, angry motions, phrases and words mentioned in Salty Language.

Speaking poorly of a lady: This includes sexist comments and jokes.

Cheating a fellow Gentleman: Cheating is not acceptable for a gentleman in games or life.

Seeking revenge or to teach someone else a lesson: Forgiveness is the sign of a Gentleman.

Seeking to make someone feel inferior: It is unbecoming of a Gentleman to put others down.

Speaking poorly of a stranger: A Gentleman will not criticize someone with whom he has never had a 

Using the word “Hate”: The word hate invites poor feelings.

Mind your table manners: Table manners are of the utmost importance

Using “Please” and “Thank You”: Use please and thank you when asking for things and receiving things.

Raising your voice with malicious intent: Yelling is not necessary.

Speaking negatively of others: It is not appropriate to put others down or speak negatively of them.

Be punctual: It is necessary to be punctual and make an effort to respect others time.

Phone etiquette: No phones at the table, step out if you need to take a call.

In true Duke fashion we plan on sealing this agreement by sealing our contract with bloody thumbprints next to our signatures. We know that we are not perfect and that we struggle at times to be good people, but we feel that this list and jar will help us become the people we should be. If you are with us and see us breaking one of these rules feel free to call CUBG on us, we need all the help we can get.

The contracts have been written up and are nearing the bloodletting stage, but for all of you people out there who would prefer not to see our blood I give you an untainted look at our contracts.

Hopefully CUBG will fulfill all that it was made to do, but if it doesn't the worst that will happen is a lot of donations to third world countries and some Dukes with lighter wallets.