Thursday, December 30, 2010

May the Guessing Game Continue

One of life's great mysteries was once again brought to the limelight in recent post by none other than Spencer Hansen. He postulated that the best debate of the decade was how much does Zac Ronér actually weigh.  I am here to say that some things are best left undiscovered.

Throughout history the weight of the true greats has always been unknown. A few classic examples include Optimus Prime, Steven Seagal, Santa Claus and Zac "16 ton" Ronér. (Note: The nickname is self given and comes from the song of the same name. The best part is 1:58 into the song.)
Zac looking manly in flowery trunks.
The knowing of one's true weight is to have a certain power over a person, kind of like how you get wishes if you capture a leprechaun's gold. It is a secret that most men have forgotten but most women remember. Go ahead ask a woman her weight. I dare you. Now if you followed my dare I am pretty sure it didn't turn out too well for you.  In my case it is essential that my true poundage remains unknown since it is the source of my Sampson-esque strength. He had the hair and I have the mystery mass.

So for those of you out there that desire to join the greats in their secrets I have a few avoidance techniques.

  • First: Give random ranges when asked your weight. For example: "I weigh more than a spider monkey but less than a bull walrus" or "I weigh more than a guppy but less than Shaq". This will do wonders in throwing people off the scent.
  • Second: If you see the weight guesser at Lagoon or other amusement parks, run. Don't worry about the stares just hightail it out of there and seek shelter. 
  • Third: Don't let anyone near you as you step on a scale. The doctor's office has proven to be the downfall of many.
  • Fourth: If someone is attempting to guess your weight, stop them. This can be done by way of a punch to the throat or a sock in the mouth or just by yelling "Fire!" and running screaming down the hall. Just make sure that they are completely thrown off topic.
Just try and guess his weight.
So in conclusion I would like to say that yes my weight is a great mystery and it is one that I hope goes unsolved for many years to come.


Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas

It's that time of year again. I just wanted to take the time to thank everyone who has helped me through this year, it's been a doozy. I will be eternally grateful for my friends and family and everything that they've done for me. I wouldn't be who I am without their support. I hope that the few people who read this have a great Christmas and the best new year. Thanks again!


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Dukes Review: Movies

So as I said in my original post we would probably be doing some movie reviews and I thought I would just go over the system that we'll be using for said reviews. It's called the "5 Star" system (I've never been known for my creativity) I'll also include a movie or two that would fall into this catergory so you kind of know where we stand.

5 Stars = Must see, now, as in right now, stop whatever you're doing and go.
e.g. The Dark Knight, Zombieland

4 Stars = See in theaters for sure.
e.g. Drag Me To Hell, The Other Guys

3 Stars = If you've got nothing better to do why not check it out.
e.g Jurassic Park II, Daybreakers

2 Stars = It's worth Red Box of Netflix (since blockbuster will be done by the time anyone actually starts reading this blog)
e.g The Wolfman (the remake), Robin Hood

1 Star = Only see it if someone else is dumb enough to pay for it or if it's On Demand through your preferred television provider
e.g. Jonah Hex, Knowing

0 Stars = ...dont, just don't. 
e.g. Stevie, Elf Bowling, Skyline or anything with Billy Baldwin.

There you go, that's the system. We (The Dukes) see a lot of movies and we have pretty good taste. So let us either point you in right direction or take the bullet for you. If you ever disagree with our rating, thats fine, we honestly don't care what you think about us.

Eyebrowless as always


Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Core learns to Grift.

I am not sure if it is our current watching of the show Leverage or an innate evil nature but recently we have planned out one heck of a con. For those of you who don't know I make a fantastic Santa Clause. (I think I look better than the original to be honest)
Santa Zac getting his groove on.
This is nice but I didn't know how that could in the end make me money, and then it hit. Become a kettle ringer dressed as Santa. Well that is all fine and dandy I thought later but how am I going to make money off of the cashless majority? Having worked at a bank for years I became quite familiar with credit card machines. If we hooked up one of those babies to the front of the kettle no one would be able to say no. Well no decent person anyways. Since we still hope to get in heaven off of a technicality we decided we wouldn't put the name of any charity on our get-up but if people assumed we were something else that would no longer be our problem. we are still in the first stages of our plan so results are pending.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Someday I'll have the clout to make my IOU's mean something.

Apparently the part your hair when you're newborn

Ahhhhhh, Look how cute I am. For those of you who don't recognize my dashing good looks from this picture to the left, I'm Ricky. I just thought I would get this out to begin with and thank Zac for getting this all set up. We're really excited about the blog, we honestly don't know what the crap we're doing so if you enjoy this, or something else that we do, please let us know and we may do it more, or we may completely ignore your request. This blog is going to consist of a lot of things: random outings, Movies we've seen, Television we've watched, and funny stories that we've shared. Apparently some of our stuff is funny or something. I'd like to thank Chris for helping us realize this. I hope you enjoy all that is posted, but I refuse responsibility for it.