Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Dukes make random crap up: A disclaimer

As this blog becomes more popular (at least that is what we are telling ourselves is happening) we struggle to find ways to better entertain our followers, or the people who randomly stumble across this lovely piece internet by searching Google for “Red Sonja, Impregnated” (really happened). One idea came from our new friend Morgan. Due to the fact that she travels quite a bit, she has decided to take pictures of random strangers in the airport, send them to us, and then allows us to invent stories of who they are, and where they are going. Yes this is kind of creepy and yes if she gets caught taking the pictures she may have a difficult time explaining herself, but for you dear reader, we are willing to take those risks. Please be advised, however, that we do not actually know the people in the pictures, and the stories we make up about them are completely fictional. Any resemblance to an actual person or occurrence is a coincidence. Also at this time we would like to open the flood gates and invite anyone to send in pictures to our email:, and we will happily make up stories about them as well. Just include “the Dukes make random crap up” in the subject line. We deny any responsibility for what happens during the taking of the pictures, and no inappropriate pictures please. Thanks!

The Dukes

This man is obviously a hired assassin. Note the way he walks through an airport with no luggage whatsoever, the reason for this can only be one of three things: 1. He will pick up his instruments of death and his assignment when he lands at his destination, 2. His body is his weapon or 3. He actually works at the airport and isn’t flying anywhere. I’d tend to lean towards number 2. This man has obviously been trained but none other than the drunken master himself: Jackie Freakin Chan. Some people may say that Mr. Chan has lost his touch, when you look at movies like “The Spy Next Door” and “The Tuxedo”. The man in this picture however, would not take kindly to you dishonoring his sensei in such a manner. It is obvious by the way he carries himself that he is willing to kill, without second thought or remorse. Each muscle in this man’s body teems with power, aching to be released in some violent manner, be that removing and insurgent’s spine like The Predator, or killing a corporate enemy by flicking his spleen repeatedly with his pinky finger. This man will take any job if the price is right. Based on his clothing choice I would say that he is currently preparing to fly down to Brazil, most likely to take out the leader of some pansy environmentalist movement who has his hemp panties in a wad over the destruction of the Amazon or some other myth like that. Note the black pants that will blend in well as he wades through the rivers and bogs, the teal shirt meshing in with the water’s surface as he prepares to use the anaconda he just killed with his teeth as a bullwhip. This man will be able to sneak up on Hippy McTreehugger easily (due to the fact that Hippy has chained himself to the tree) He will then proceed to choke Mr. McTreehugger to death with said chain. After completing his contract he will disappear into the shadows of the canopy, making bird calls as he goes to cover up any sound he may make, the loudest of which would only be a whisper to even the most highly trained human ear. He will return to his quaint apartment where his will wait until the phone rings with another job, another person who needs to be removed from the face of the earth, painfully if possible. His name is Tyler, but the few witnesses that have seen his work and survived know him only as “Death, in business casual”.

1 comment:

  1. First off, was the title Mr. McTreehugger really used in this post? Second, I will have to start taking pictures on my real camera. Because you were not able to see the real thing. The three people were all real "treasures", if you will.

    Kudos on the first of many stories... I'm interested to hear about the lady on the ground.