tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71751576722256394552024-03-05T01:00:12.439-08:00Intrepid Dukes of LazinessIntrepid Dukes of Lazinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09331306908846944000noreply@blogger.comBlogger92125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-8060640708025481592014-06-05T17:45:00.000-07:002014-06-05T17:45:06.996-07:00A Journey in HairHaircuts have never been my favorite activity. To be honest they would be lucky to break the top hundred. Let me put it another way. I really do not like getting haircuts. They are quite the challenge for me. Every time I go I have to worry if they will understand what I am asking for and if I will be required to make small talk. I don't care about how your kid is always late to band practice. I want you to focus on my hair! One false move and I am down an ear. I like the look of having both of them thank you very much. It isn't that I am incapable of small talk or that I think they will take my head of hair and leave a devastated landscape that appears to be a cross between a friar and Flock of Seagulls, it is just everything that is involved combines together to be about as much fun as helping an old lady put tiny outfits on feral cats.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjXvQTbzDgekNu_Fe79YUNMXI6BfUd3oAP7zcHKSKap9jAqHXXbvOOzbURMoXgq5Hi6bw60KVgUtPfgBiSoMVrJNI9oPOlpARXAxGLejByGPRuM7wO3TQK2J06i3BQeC0rxSaeObh7O4o/s1600/bad+hair.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjXvQTbzDgekNu_Fe79YUNMXI6BfUd3oAP7zcHKSKap9jAqHXXbvOOzbURMoXgq5Hi6bw60KVgUtPfgBiSoMVrJNI9oPOlpARXAxGLejByGPRuM7wO3TQK2J06i3BQeC0rxSaeObh7O4o/s1600/bad+hair.png" height="320" width="219" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Those feral cats are looking like a pretty good idea right about now.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Here are a few things I am talking about.<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>I don't like strangers near my face. Do they have my best interest in mind or have I just stared into the eyes of my doom?</li>
<li>The feel of cut hair sticking to your body. It never leaves. You take a shower, but days later you can swear it is still there mocking you. What was that? You don't like my outfit? You can be cruel, random haircut trimmings.</li>
<li>Small talk. See above.</li>
<li>Trying to describe what I want. I know what I want, I really do, but it is hard for me to get that idea across to someone else. I seem to be able to use my words to my advantage in most situations, but ask me about what cut I want and it'll seem like you are talking to a toddler.</li>
</ol>
I know that my dislike is irrational. Most of my friends get haircuts all the time. (Well not Coombsy, but we all know that he is like Sampson in that regard. No hair, no power.) They always tend to look nice after a good trim, but even that is not enough to push me into that hydraulic powered trap.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD6JJQmb0NjbgtzB8zSP2KJ_sRli96MS9OwjE-KW8bXt_VH6NMA-Q-SKatGXfSxZxAqV3ZRkIlmWVDt9v5nHIMq5Q820ld0AMlGPRhRGMISm83pOPPy9oXs5Wp45d-Pbtszje8X_Arn1g/s1600/barber+chair.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD6JJQmb0NjbgtzB8zSP2KJ_sRli96MS9OwjE-KW8bXt_VH6NMA-Q-SKatGXfSxZxAqV3ZRkIlmWVDt9v5nHIMq5Q820ld0AMlGPRhRGMISm83pOPPy9oXs5Wp45d-Pbtszje8X_Arn1g/s1600/barber+chair.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Doesn't seem shady at all...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
After reading my random bursts of nonsense above, you probably have the idea in your mind that the only reasons for me to have my locks have to do with avoiding the barber at all costs. That is a fair assumption to come to, but that is not fully the case. Not only am I not a fan of haircuts I also happen to be a fan of me with hair of any length. I like me with short hair, but I also like it when my hair is longer. The following list includes some of the top reasons why I like my hair long.<br />
<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>When I play tennis I can pretend I am Bjorn Borg. Being part Swede myself I have often enjoyed watching his game, and more importantly the way that he tamed his flowing mane with a sweatband.<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRr3c2wvwcQgIsOgiCvRmUR_ACaSNmEUJ-JC_Yt_QFOq6QRyL9yjfTLo4740O188SWPBCVKjPXXx3qRjcToVXMPPWQa44e-Hfsc7iPYGTf1bBK18oCqqoiSTa6_3JuSyEcs5WdmxQ1E4E/s1600/Bjorn+Borg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRr3c2wvwcQgIsOgiCvRmUR_ACaSNmEUJ-JC_Yt_QFOq6QRyL9yjfTLo4740O188SWPBCVKjPXXx3qRjcToVXMPPWQa44e-Hfsc7iPYGTf1bBK18oCqqoiSTa6_3JuSyEcs5WdmxQ1E4E/s1600/Bjorn+Borg.jpg" height="293" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I wonder if he had the same tan line issues I am facing.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</li>
<li>My long hair is a constant challenge for my Dad. I wouldn't be surprised if one night in the near future I woke up with a buzz cut.</li>
<li>I will be able to use my own hair for my Halloween costume. No need for a wig over here.</li>
<li>When I finally do get my hair cut it will be long enough to donate to a charitable cause.</li>
</ol>
<div>
It is the last point that actually keeps the second point from happening. Once he realized that the hair will be donated, he stopped grumbling quite as much. One day this head of hair will be cut. One day I will rejoin the ranks of those who consider themselves clean cut. One day my lion's mane will be trimmed into the less ostentatious and less magical form of some other wild cat's hair. That day is not today. For today I will revel in the way my hair flows as I gently toss my head. I will walk the streets with hair that even the gods would envy (not really). I will enjoy this hair for as long as it lasts because it may never come again.</div>
<div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRHBSogPVb7CnT6biGg2bWXbQm6A0wD6R1FS5oJpzW2gmHrQ9vFvkbn1mQDYr7ycd7XC6MaAw08RqhQm8bvF6yRr9vc3pLut7DsTzB8yx0IJDjs7btqTD7ABpalEQLGhNHzomQK7Mxepo/s1600/photo+(9).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRHBSogPVb7CnT6biGg2bWXbQm6A0wD6R1FS5oJpzW2gmHrQ9vFvkbn1mQDYr7ycd7XC6MaAw08RqhQm8bvF6yRr9vc3pLut7DsTzB8yx0IJDjs7btqTD7ABpalEQLGhNHzomQK7Mxepo/s1600/photo+(9).JPG" height="320" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Drink it in.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
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Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-36028278364781932802014-02-10T14:36:00.001-08:002014-02-10T14:48:27.892-08:00The Intrepid Dukes attempt to become Belligerent Gentleman The new year often ushers in the desire for changes in life. It is most likely due to the fact that the new year is often associated as a clean slate, a chance to change, although it might have a little to do with the fact that your favorite jeans managed to shrink over the holidays and you want them to fit again. (Clearly you could not have gained weight. That is ludicrous.) While our jeans may be tight that is not what we Dukes were looking to change as January rolled in. We wanted to become better gentlemen.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSYzHwwnNbsrunmnIpvweFiSIu9CWlzqHBdkohcRfsBE1MhmS28e9LZTdbxE5YQnGQQjzR-IyphV7ME7picc4ff4pdE44arAvQ9j-gc5BWZV_7dRl_SkUzkt6wxuX7rGy_3qNtnnlmIms/s1600/dapper+gentleman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSYzHwwnNbsrunmnIpvweFiSIu9CWlzqHBdkohcRfsBE1MhmS28e9LZTdbxE5YQnGQQjzR-IyphV7ME7picc4ff4pdE44arAvQ9j-gc5BWZV_7dRl_SkUzkt6wxuX7rGy_3qNtnnlmIms/s1600/dapper+gentleman.jpg" height="320" width="263" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Top hat optional.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In order to protect the anonymity of certain Duke members I will refrain from including names in the following section. A certain Duke was at work and he had a conversation with a woman. The content of the conversation and the attitude of said lady led this man to question her honor in a conversation with another Duke by implying her promiscuity with people other than her husband (He called her a whore). The Duke with whom the first Duke conversed thought that it was a bit extreme and he called it conduct unbecoming a gentleman. They had a discussion about attempting to be better with their language in the moments following. These two Dukes brought this conversation to a third Duke and they all discussed what types of thing they were going to try to avoid in the future. A list was made and the third Duke mentioned that they might pay for each offense and the money would be put into a jar which would appropriately be named the "Conduct Unbecoming a Gentleman" jar, or CUBG for short.<br />
<br />
To keep with the spirit of the jar the money was not to be used to benefit the offenders. To this end the Dukes decided that the money would be donated to a charity when they had a sufficient sum. The third Duke had some passing knowledge of a site called <a href="http://kiva.org/">kiva.org</a>. This site makes loans to people in third world countries that need capital to start a business or improve life. The capital they receive helps them a ton and over 99% of the loans are repaid. That just means that as the jar grows and loans are repaid we can donate to other causes. We felt that it was a worthy cause and that it was a more gentlemanly move than using the money to buy ourselves pizza for our shady acts.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOCqnpss5xcIKGYhLo-mMBAFpcinoiG1JlrN7zMjIg6pVlxozhaeYMUSNuGLQ8TXvhQbhvG95pIffS8eHnKif-Roy2P3JwcaqYKh_569R513Bkd4hTehviE31RHT7WGSXHO2SWBH7kLUI/s1600/jar+worthy.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOCqnpss5xcIKGYhLo-mMBAFpcinoiG1JlrN7zMjIg6pVlxozhaeYMUSNuGLQ8TXvhQbhvG95pIffS8eHnKif-Roy2P3JwcaqYKh_569R513Bkd4hTehviE31RHT7WGSXHO2SWBH7kLUI/s1600/jar+worthy.png" height="320" width="159" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Probably shouldn't have made this before lunch...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
So once we had decided what we were going to use the money for we decided we needed to list out our goals of what we wanted to change or avoid. Ladies and gentleman, I give you our official list of guidelines as they were originally written.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><u>Conduct Unbecoming a Gentleman</u></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>A list of guidelines for The Belligerent Gentleman</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
In an effort to improve our behavior and curb any habits of ill repute, a list of guidelines and manners has been created to guide us towards a more gentlemanly state. All fines for uncouth behavior are set at 10 cents of the initial month. At the end of the initial month a review of the guidelines will take place to assess if some need to be removed and others added. The guidelines are as follows:<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Salty language</u></b>:
This includes words commonly referred to as “swear words” as well as words such
as: Dick, Douche or Douchebag and terms such as “piss off”. When intended as an exclamation, the use of
phrases such as “Son of a whore” and “Whores teeth” is not a C.U.B.G. offense.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Road rage</u></b>:
This refers to yelling, angry motions, phrases and words mentioned in Salty
Language.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Speaking poorly of
a lady</u></b>: This includes sexist comments and jokes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Cheating a fellow
Gentleman</u></b>: Cheating is not acceptable for a gentleman in games or life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Seeking revenge or
to teach someone else a lesson</u></b>: Forgiveness is the sign of a Gentleman.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Seeking to make someone
feel inferior</u></b>: It is unbecoming of a Gentleman to put others down.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Speaking poorly of
a stranger</u></b>: A Gentleman will not criticize someone with whom he has
never had a </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
conversation.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Using the word
“Hate”</u></b>: The word hate invites poor feelings.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Mind your table
manners</u></b>: Table manners are of the utmost importance<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Using “Please” and
“Thank You”</u></b>: Use please and thank you when asking for things and
receiving things.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Raising your voice
with malicious intent</u></b>: Yelling is not necessary.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Speaking
negatively of others</u></b>: It is not appropriate to put others down or speak
negatively of them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Be punctual</u></b>:
It is necessary to be punctual and make an effort to respect others time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<b><u>Phone etiquette</u></b>:
No phones at the table, step out if you need to take a call.<br />
<br />
<br />
In true Duke fashion we plan on sealing this agreement by sealing our contract with bloody thumbprints next to our signatures. We know that we are not perfect and that we struggle at times to be good people, but we feel that this list and jar will help us become the people we should be. If you are with us and see us breaking one of these rules feel free to call CUBG on us, we need all the help we can get.<br />
<br />
The contracts have been written up and are nearing the bloodletting stage, but for all of you people out there who would prefer not to see our blood I give you an untainted look at our contracts.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8hFCkHGn8oL16xWLeflrMNLRj3asPQRHUWvpyrEqsqgPsQTjy63rPkp6H1tfWEknUarcAC3xiKZDJuobk82tTOXFScozRcjYEaZMTKcpjKY0-6WTWoLzDaGWbopCFsFXxgA0jX9W6Zp4/s1600/Capture.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8hFCkHGn8oL16xWLeflrMNLRj3asPQRHUWvpyrEqsqgPsQTjy63rPkp6H1tfWEknUarcAC3xiKZDJuobk82tTOXFScozRcjYEaZMTKcpjKY0-6WTWoLzDaGWbopCFsFXxgA0jX9W6Zp4/s1600/Capture.JPG" height="640" width="456" /></a></div>
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Hopefully CUBG will fulfill all that it was made to do, but if it doesn't the worst that will happen is a lot of donations to third world countries and some Dukes with lighter wallets.Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-9699089344911900352013-11-12T14:27:00.000-08:002013-11-12T14:27:09.953-08:00The Dukes Get Crafty: Part DeuxAs time passes and as we Dukes remain single we find ourselves with time to spare. Do we spend it watching TV? Do we spend it playing tennis? Is arguing involved? Are all of the previous statements true? You bet your sweet britches they are. Without a single girlfriend to distract the unmarried Dukes we had to find something to fill that cavernous void. Am I trying to say that women are important or that they take a lot of time? You decide. Well to get back to the point, I am just trying to say that free time is something we have in abundance. In an effort to make me proud (I am assuming), Coombsy has been spending that time with the most seductive of ladies, Math. For the rest of us we have been filling that time with random crafts and projects.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii6PhEcjWkXty0QUONI2PMmlGSMcW2LyuR-8VDYs8IHOkUQV4rPUhpa__JAjnndi4gIXqc90BgQlyR_IR8lVCcOBH5Cb26Zf9yPxHTfgB3Kg5e3gqCEU0rtBM5thtV4kpUhlBEhh6PPS8/s1600/math.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii6PhEcjWkXty0QUONI2PMmlGSMcW2LyuR-8VDYs8IHOkUQV4rPUhpa__JAjnndi4gIXqc90BgQlyR_IR8lVCcOBH5Cb26Zf9yPxHTfgB3Kg5e3gqCEU0rtBM5thtV4kpUhlBEhh6PPS8/s320/math.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Coombsy has chosen wisely.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
In this second installment of the craftinators you will see wonders that dazzle the senses and bewitch the mind (Joshua's creations) and some things that will drive the OCD person in you wild (Ricky's stuff).<br />
<br />
<b>Joshua is a Wizard with a Glue Gun</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Most of you have probably met road side charlatans trying to pass off their deeds as those of a true wizard. These filthy hucksters have brought shame unto this most high title. Lucky for the world we have Joshua to right some of the wrongs wrought by these soulless shysters. He takes on these mountebanks with nothing more than a glue gun and his wits (and his magic since he is a wizard).<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQbr8OxyFNqRzCi4mfw-kSiRb_ihq0XfcaQoQ3iCX_jLVMDCyS-H56L121HJSrD6db-_zTBd70rzV5JSoNcQl8t8Itxp85FiV66gW8tA0E8UidH7CfntH7lVOB1HJaCTIfL8HubZGUW2Q/s1600/wizard.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQbr8OxyFNqRzCi4mfw-kSiRb_ihq0XfcaQoQ3iCX_jLVMDCyS-H56L121HJSrD6db-_zTBd70rzV5JSoNcQl8t8Itxp85FiV66gW8tA0E8UidH7CfntH7lVOB1HJaCTIfL8HubZGUW2Q/s320/wizard.jpg" width="250" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Joshua grows a mean beard.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div>
Recently for work Joshua took part in a competition that forced friends to do battle in what they call a "cook-off". Each team picks a theme and goes to town with costumes and recipes and decorations. To me it sounds like way too much work, but Joshua took up the challenge to help outfit his team that had picked the theme Harry Potter. In one of his bouts of creativity he thought of a way to make his team look like the real deal. What they needed were wands. Armed with over-sized chopsticks and a hot glue gun in each hand he began to create.</div>
<div>
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<div>
After the chopsticks had been thoroughly glued and incredibly designed he turned to the task of finishing them off with the proper paint job.</div>
<div>
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Drink it in. Here, let me zoom in for you.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg3_aUtUvBWWg2p89eZzFz4skN5bhwfUsZkA-uyi8ygq2PgBgV8vnQ2T7t9bOhJrUHgwgv7Dm5xRmyi2kN96PXcnft6ojPOiisPfqeDWkdMgzklT_hoQ0Bb1hmWSXcFSxWmTGifoPve6k/s1600/photo+5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg3_aUtUvBWWg2p89eZzFz4skN5bhwfUsZkA-uyi8ygq2PgBgV8vnQ2T7t9bOhJrUHgwgv7Dm5xRmyi2kN96PXcnft6ojPOiisPfqeDWkdMgzklT_hoQ0Bb1hmWSXcFSxWmTGifoPve6k/s320/photo+5.JPG" width="239" /></a></div>
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Are you not amazed? I know that I am. I could never take some glue and a stick and end up with anything remotely this good. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhJ79kXTGeH6_jJXDzZNb-09X6ge0D4kDsIlFzQgGkjdqhvYMrtYlpmSTNnW6566MW2gaFHgEhNuXCdQPVuwrhIqFYdXAc0UO-49wy1An4glVOybhME9vuHL6kqdeHTS8yXmkdKr6YbiY/s1600/glue+fail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhJ79kXTGeH6_jJXDzZNb-09X6ge0D4kDsIlFzQgGkjdqhvYMrtYlpmSTNnW6566MW2gaFHgEhNuXCdQPVuwrhIqFYdXAc0UO-49wy1An4glVOybhME9vuHL6kqdeHTS8yXmkdKr6YbiY/s1600/glue+fail.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This would be me.</td></tr>
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The good news for Josh is that the event is over. The better news for all of you is that Josh enjoys making these wands and will be selling them here on his Etsy page (he does not yet have a page so if you would like one just leave me a comment or send a text). I can only speak with certainty for myself, but any Harry Potter fan would be proud to have one of these hand crafted masterpieces in their home. I personally have three in mine and that number will probably go up as time goes on.<br />
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<b>Ricky Forms his Dreams into a Blanket</b><br />
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Ricky is a man with many facets to his personality. At first go some find him abrasive and prickly, but after some time they find his soft underbelly and come to realize he is great guy. I never had that prickly stage with him, but I guess it does happen. A part of what makes him interesting is his desire to try new things. Once he gets something in his head you can be darn sure it is going to happen. That is exactly what happened when Ricky decided it was high time he made a quilt.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxoWugRuUrSjjBrOm0oxhB9Xh7gXWmqLsk0Nwg0TR7pWBYQI2HSES-PNJOT2m6htm3NwjWl55qSHw5eGeI3HYG0hgbqUKbm2X0DltQyYyK9Xdx5DQI7xvJCL13WXuSpASJ6xOUP9nXuZk/s1600/porcupine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxoWugRuUrSjjBrOm0oxhB9Xh7gXWmqLsk0Nwg0TR7pWBYQI2HSES-PNJOT2m6htm3NwjWl55qSHw5eGeI3HYG0hgbqUKbm2X0DltQyYyK9Xdx5DQI7xvJCL13WXuSpASJ6xOUP9nXuZk/s320/porcupine.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ricky was a cute kid.</td></tr>
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Our friend and frequent reader Morgan was recently engaged in making some quilts. She borrowed my Mom's quilting frame and she set to work. Ricky saw all of this happening and he decided that he wanted in on the action. He went to the fabric store and got a random assortment of fabrics that do give you quite the insight on what goes on in Ricky's head. As Morgan worked on her quilt, Ricky started piecing his together (with her help). After a time they were finally assembled.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-LuOGAXtaknuBnqQFsxwbC6psm-K2t-cua8pzZ8nuW6q4qEWpsfphfmvY_4Fi9kNU8t8Md-Jf-mK97p3KNsfAF2XzTHnKw350a7PV_tKwy5N41CnKrbJw4npf56LUzeaIS2bPLVdkz7o/s1600/IMG_7059.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-LuOGAXtaknuBnqQFsxwbC6psm-K2t-cua8pzZ8nuW6q4qEWpsfphfmvY_4Fi9kNU8t8Md-Jf-mK97p3KNsfAF2XzTHnKw350a7PV_tKwy5N41CnKrbJw4npf56LUzeaIS2bPLVdkz7o/s320/IMG_7059.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I can only look for so long. I fear getting lost in there forever.</td></tr>
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The fabrics he selected blended together like the cast of Community. Apart they were good, but together they were gold. He took this magnificent patchwork and backed it with lime green fabric and then we tied it with bright pink yarn. There was much swearing involved (I am looking at you Ricky and Morgan), but in the end the whole thing got tied and sewn together. Now you may behold it in all its glory.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLFwU4tO0bR8P1m28dJp9Z-zitk0J-zkMXnj4bSWkDYSUF6-yYZ7-Mohx030cSjqBaZQAZcKPQVBj-2ifhklOZ2Fgndwmkwiw50Q9hcFeUO7c3BJS0V4P4EHgzj76s_PI8UkOnuX6pwPY/s1600/IMG_1187.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLFwU4tO0bR8P1m28dJp9Z-zitk0J-zkMXnj4bSWkDYSUF6-yYZ7-Mohx030cSjqBaZQAZcKPQVBj-2ifhklOZ2Fgndwmkwiw50Q9hcFeUO7c3BJS0V4P4EHgzj76s_PI8UkOnuX6pwPY/s640/IMG_1187.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tis a feast for the eyes.</td></tr>
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If you recall I mentioned at the beginning of the article the fact that if you have even slight OCD tendencies that this quilt would be a rough one to look at. I meant it, I really did. I made some handy marks on the image so you could see what I was talking about. I admit I truly am a fan of the fabrics used, but they were sewn together in no particular order. How can you have three in a row?! Why do you hate me Ricky? I see this quilt and I just want to put it together in a proper design. Screw you and your unorganized mind! (It is probably organized just fine). Sadly that is not the only sin to be found on this blanket. If you look at the circles you will see that some of the yarn is a ridiculous length. I went to get some scissors and Ricky said he liked it that way. On this one I could not give in and I did spend some time trimming off the excess yarn and also the loose threads from the binding.<br />
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Even with the lack of order to the blanket I christen it a success. It does what it is supposed to in that it'll keep you warm, but it will also fulfill another purpose (besides my eventual insanity) in showcasing who Ricky is. Tune in next time and see what other wonders that have been wrought by the hands of the Dukes.<br />
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Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-16824368906626580402013-10-14T12:56:00.000-07:002013-10-14T12:56:05.900-07:00Zac Sucks at Telling Scary StoriesThis past weekend I had the opportunity to attend a getting ready for Halloween party. It was very well done. It was a festive atmosphere and there was enough food to choke 13 yaks (give or take). As part of the invite we were asked to write a scary story or relate a paranormal activity. As I read this I felt dread welling up from pit of my stomach. To explain this you must know that a few years prior I had an incident as I attempted to tell a scary story. Now is not the time and place for that story though. I promise it isn't. So for this party I decided to give my story telling another go. Here is that story in its entirety.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6g_rw6SoOjxTnhSECZeOTmcFfeOxNhHV3o7vk6Fo8cT5V3Xi5S63hYyaueN_30vBd0QVjSOb-5tZskTTFfm4T06qzaT68w9TmaaR0sfMMFQSK15_AsaLnmGTS0RbIAx_dTxorJSiRxJw/s1600/scary_stories_to_tell_in_the_dark.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6g_rw6SoOjxTnhSECZeOTmcFfeOxNhHV3o7vk6Fo8cT5V3Xi5S63hYyaueN_30vBd0QVjSOb-5tZskTTFfm4T06qzaT68w9TmaaR0sfMMFQSK15_AsaLnmGTS0RbIAx_dTxorJSiRxJw/s320/scary_stories_to_tell_in_the_dark.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mine won't scar you like these did though.</td></tr>
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As with many scary stories this one starts out with sheer
stupidity. Ron knew that breaking into
an old house was a bad idea. He knew that trying to sleep on the hard, dank
floor in there was going to be even worse. Why he let his friends talk him into
this he didn't know. “I am such a pushover.” He muttered to himself, “I could
be sleeping in a nice bed, but instead here I am breaking into the Hill House.”
He didn't believe the stories of this place being haunted. It was just another
run down old house that was in its last throes, trying to hold on to life
before it would inevitably give in to the gentle threats of time and gravity.
Ron would admit, however that the dilapidated structure did cause him some
worry. What if the floor caved in on them? What if there was black mold? He
didn't want to get sick or hurt, but the voice of prudence rarely won the day
in a group of rowdy teens, and while they were a rambunctious lot, they were
still his friends. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Edgar was the leader of their band. He was fearless in the
face of just about anything. He had to be being the youngest of four brothers.
That is in part what had led their merry group of adventurers up to the old
ramshackle gates. Edgar’s oldest brother had been telling him stories for years
about the Hill House. Ron didn't believe half of what Edgar’s brother Steve
said, and he felt that the other half was likely suspect as well, but he went
along with it because it usually led to an adventure.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Steve claimed that the house had been the home of a scientist
named Dr. Sinclair. He told them that this doctor performed experiments that
were an affront to God and science. He said that what he did in his lab was an
attempt to help mankind evolve to a new stage of life, but the horrific screams
that supposedly issued from the depths of the house said otherwise. Steve said
that when the Doctor finally died the police had found dozens of strangely marked
graves in the basement and each and every one contained a mutilated body from
one of Sinclair’s projects. The headstone of each grave had just one phrase
crudely carved in, “hell awaits” It was a good story to tell on a dark night,
but it was nothing more than that. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Steve boasted that a few years prior he and some friends had
entered the house and stayed for a few hours. In an attempt to outdo his
brother, Edgar decided that we were going to spend the night in the Hill House.
It seemed to Ron that Edgar was often a little liberal with his we’s, but
instead of saying so he found himself approaching the front door a few days
later.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The door opened with an ominous groan. As they shined their
lights into the inky darkness, Ron thought the lights seemed to dim, as if the
lights were faltering due to the malevolent force of the dark. Shrugging off
such ridiculous thoughts he entered and put down his duffle bag. “I call the
couch!” Edgar yelled. Ron didn't argue because the couch looked as though it
had all the dust he had ever seen in his life accumulated on its surface. Ron
grabbed a spot near a wall, not because he was a little scared, of course, but
because of convenience.<o:p></o:p></div>
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After they settled in they decided that it was high time
they explored this place. None of them had ever been in an abandoned house
before and they wanted to make the most of it. Following their pattern of poor
decisions they decided to split up to search the levels. Ron wanted to stay on
this level, but Edgar grabbed him and said “looks like we get to go to the
basement.” Ron groaned internally, but
he managed to smile and mutter “sounds good to me”. As they eased their way
down the rickety stairs Ron felt as if he were being suffocated by the
blackness that surrounded them. As they reached the bottom of the stairs Ron
turned his light to the right and he felt a scream tear its way out of his
throat. It was Brutus. He had been massacred. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja2cQjqu88s3i45Xx_tI5oBL6nhtilrOm1MdmkwgzPMjlL6jMQpR1ttlVJTOajtiE1uFQ8InQKPeOIbSMSkBsSdnnelorQ8zQhyphenhyphen2J3hWGPOKUOnrJOpQXQbf3UFIajsVL_oJz9SEGIFa0/s1600/m-night-shyamalan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja2cQjqu88s3i45Xx_tI5oBL6nhtilrOm1MdmkwgzPMjlL6jMQpR1ttlVJTOajtiE1uFQ8InQKPeOIbSMSkBsSdnnelorQ8zQhyphenhyphen2J3hWGPOKUOnrJOpQXQbf3UFIajsVL_oJz9SEGIFa0/s320/m-night-shyamalan.jpg" width="246" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It was a twist worthy of this man. Make that early career this man.</td></tr>
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Now I can tell that some of you are confused, and others are downright angry, but for the few of you out there that understand the ending you are welcome. Now for the rest of you I feel that an explanation is due. It all goes back to that fateful day a few years ago when I told the worst story of my life.</div>
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Let me set the scene. I was at a ward camp out. We had been having a good time playing night games and the like. It was decided that some scary stories were in order. Ricky told his great version of Hatchet Harry, and I decided to tackle the classic that is known as drip drip drip. If you have not heard that story, go to this <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Licked_Hand" target="_blank">link here</a> and come back. We'll wait. Are you back? Okay good. In my version of the story it is a writer who has rented out a cabin that this happens to, but same basic idea.</div>
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So as I was going along I was giving it my all. I was doing quite the dramatic telling, but about a third the way in I realized that I had made a huge mistake. I had forgotten the serial killer on the loose. In my mind I wondered how I was going to fix this. I guess I could stop and say "Oh and there was this guy", but I didn't want to. I decided to tempt fate. I decided that I was going to just keep telling the story without this very important element.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3zCV6UpAh8s2zGzvY288j7LWvI50G7FQUyD2kli5doDKGxaQftdfteA59asWqdlpZmIMl_TxUfJqPztkemHs48NCISLufYcOO9pmftKjag6bJJZ5s-TNuKvMgc8DWg8WyJToiO6kzG1k/s1600/are+you+serious.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3zCV6UpAh8s2zGzvY288j7LWvI50G7FQUyD2kli5doDKGxaQftdfteA59asWqdlpZmIMl_TxUfJqPztkemHs48NCISLufYcOO9pmftKjag6bJJZ5s-TNuKvMgc8DWg8WyJToiO6kzG1k/s1600/are+you+serious.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I can feel you giving me this face. Stop judging me!</td></tr>
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I can bet that most of you out there are already cringing for me. You can feel that this is not going to end well. You would be right. So I continue on with my telling of the tale and when I get to the dramatic climax where she discovers her dead dog I simply state that "It was Brutus. He had been massacred." As the words left my mouth I could see the looks of confusion on everyone's faces. "How is that the ending?" they inquired. "Why is your story the worst?" I decided to be honest and tell them that I had initially forgotten a character and that my pride did not allow me to retrace my steps. Curse my pride! Their confusion at my story dissolved into riotous laughter, and a legend was born.</div>
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Now whenever I am up camping or there is simply a lull in a conversation I am always asked to tell the Brutus story. I have always refused because it is too painful to relive that moment, and you can't recreate such a thing. I have broken my rule (kind of) just to help you understand why my story ended the way it did. Maybe now I will finally be left in peace and the story of Brutus will become a faded memory. </div>
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Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-30825086607460234552013-06-13T13:22:00.000-07:002013-06-13T13:22:07.009-07:00The Best and Worst Things about SummerAs a kid summer is a wonderful time of year. No longer are you shackled to a desk for more hours of the day than you can count...well if you are really young or really bad at counting. You are free to enjoy day after day of adventures and throw caution to the wind. If you were like me you might even have just swung a stick around for a few hours, and been perfectly content. As an adult summer can still be quite magical, but it doesn't have quite the same appeal as it did when you were a child. This post is going to show all of you wonderful folks the best and worst things that are directly connected to summer.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8tTkzuKGXBmNL3jHIl-Wpi5Z0v0GWOBGm4XFLwXslKVJ7NYA8xxD0jRbMR829XKkfhSV72NaqY6czQF_ijAQYVKDAPZw7lXBZtQVRsJCR3E7_5OmiM1MGTadhwgcdOAjZGvsBMQc35TQ/s1600/sunflowersbellevue-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8tTkzuKGXBmNL3jHIl-Wpi5Z0v0GWOBGm4XFLwXslKVJ7NYA8xxD0jRbMR829XKkfhSV72NaqY6czQF_ijAQYVKDAPZw7lXBZtQVRsJCR3E7_5OmiM1MGTadhwgcdOAjZGvsBMQc35TQ/s320/sunflowersbellevue-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I like colors. (Generic caption for generic picture)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
<b><u>Worst</u></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>No Summer Break as an Adult</b><br />
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The first time you get a decent paying full time job there are two things that really hit hard. First is that taxes are the devil. After you have cried your tears over the staggering theft, you rise from the fetal position and look to a calendar. "Oh good" you think "summer break is coming up soon. That is just what I need." At that moment it dawns on you that not only do you hate the Man, but your last summer break is behind you.<br />
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I can tell you from experience that this is not a feeling that I would wish on anyone, well maybe a few people... You know who you are. As a kid you always have something to look forward to. "Just 130 days until summer break" is something I know I caught myself saying. You always had perpetual hope in the knowledge that this thing they call a school year had an end. Now I can only hope that I might get a Monday off due to a Holiday. It crushes my soul a bit more each year when June rolls around and I am still working.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMzWS3iM_PhOeqP3-2JJlL-u6LFdJ7iw-YV2IzxruwEPbJd_zW_OCHJkg9aDu95m0q946gdaLagbrEW5wSbLoRSOZueonNUtXXW-kdGgAFZ3e33Op7H8U6HioLNm-jO3WStlNGwObWzi0/s1600/summer+young+and+old.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMzWS3iM_PhOeqP3-2JJlL-u6LFdJ7iw-YV2IzxruwEPbJd_zW_OCHJkg9aDu95m0q946gdaLagbrEW5wSbLoRSOZueonNUtXXW-kdGgAFZ3e33Op7H8U6HioLNm-jO3WStlNGwObWzi0/s320/summer+young+and+old.png" width="251" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">They wouldn't be so happy if they could see what is lurking in their near future.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<b>Hot and Buggy</b><br />
<br />
Like many of you I have an intense love for air conditioning and temperature control. As I modify the temperature I feel a surge of incredible power coursing through my veins. I have control over a veritable force of nature. I realize that I belong in someone's theology! I am a God! ...Then I step outside in July and feel the blistering heat. It makes me realize once again that I am a puny nothing and I might and well curl up in a sweaty ball and give up.<br />
<br />
After a while you become fairly accustomed to the heat, but that isn't the only thing out to get you. Having been affronted by your attempts at self-deification, Mother Nature decides that you need to be taught a lesson. Not only does she come at you with heat, but she also sends out wave after wave of creepy critters to bite and harass you. If at times it feels like the world is trying to eat you just remember this. It is.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0ZOSJUWvgl5bhOwLOxcJsz1Q5o9bsiRb6Sz3zpLcmZJOgp2Yld_4eGGWM4CIN1Q332Io1LjO-D4snj6382UOgS_Re5oUaMaTDMYuPt7ovmwezAcFik213n0O7vprzK1hLDoNfchHAqBk/s1600/mother_nature_and_sons.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0ZOSJUWvgl5bhOwLOxcJsz1Q5o9bsiRb6Sz3zpLcmZJOgp2Yld_4eGGWM4CIN1Q332Io1LjO-D4snj6382UOgS_Re5oUaMaTDMYuPt7ovmwezAcFik213n0O7vprzK1hLDoNfchHAqBk/s320/mother_nature_and_sons.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stupid Mother Nature and her goon squad sons.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<b>No football or any important sports</b><br />
<br />
Having escaped the outdoor mauling you crawl inside. You figure that since outside hates your face you might as well relax and watch someone else doing something outside. You switch over to ESPN to catch up on the latest news, and you realize that summer is a sports black hole. You go through the list of sports. Football is months away from starting. Basketball has just ended, same with Hockey. What does that leave you with? Baseball. Ugh. With a season of 162 games it is hard to care about baseball until September. So the one sport we have in summer isn't even close to its compelling stage. I will admit that during the summer there are some tennis tournaments, but not enough to offset the lack of anything else.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfO7GfdQf6eahRj-IjOh9BcNjfxQt44ThhMkdREKs_3mhJlN_TD-1NyG-SbcfQjSHjPJR3vYDzQt9LvDqWWtSuc9wrip9B_QBghCFnU3Vh20twAWln1Q_IT8hRsQ31O3Iz4XJS__sEpBY/s1600/bored+baseball.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfO7GfdQf6eahRj-IjOh9BcNjfxQt44ThhMkdREKs_3mhJlN_TD-1NyG-SbcfQjSHjPJR3vYDzQt9LvDqWWtSuc9wrip9B_QBghCFnU3Vh20twAWln1Q_IT8hRsQ31O3Iz4XJS__sEpBY/s320/bored+baseball.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Even the players don't want to be there, although to be fair it is the Mets.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Now I don't want you to think that summer is just a wasteland of sadness and pain. There are quite a few things about summer that we should enjoy.<br />
<br />
<b><u>Best</u></b><br />
<br />
<b>Outdoor Activities</b><br />
<br />
One advantage to doing things in the summer is the fact the going for a walk won't end with frostbite. There are quite a few things that can really only be fully enjoyed in the summer. I don't know how many of you have tried, but swimming in a lake in February is not what I would call a good time. To be fair it was less swimming and more sitting. Also it was a competition, but that is beside the point. It is not fun and it accounts for a full third of the times I have ever felt cold in my life. Now summer swimming on the other hand is amazing. The warm sun on your face as you splash around with friends is hard to beat.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPeKy5K1GQ4vCrprCC9vHQayZ-1fTykcD-jBDkQZwqQFPai4fvb5TsywiaZQLyJvaWKayeyURF0UOKtaNg_AaDrK_i-5qSnSzJWSFsPDw2IrXqxgo9OBhQwyrNGSbFmCm2NbyhACnnIOk/s1600/photo+1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPeKy5K1GQ4vCrprCC9vHQayZ-1fTykcD-jBDkQZwqQFPai4fvb5TsywiaZQLyJvaWKayeyURF0UOKtaNg_AaDrK_i-5qSnSzJWSFsPDw2IrXqxgo9OBhQwyrNGSbFmCm2NbyhACnnIOk/s320/photo+1.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes I am actually that pale.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Do you want to know what else is awesome? Trees, trees are awesome. By that I mean it is quite grand taking a stroll through some on a hike or set up a tent in the midst of them for some camping adventures. Can you do that in the winter? Technically speaking you can, but most of the trees are bare and barren and the trails have been buried in mounds of snow. It will leave you empty and sad as you start to contemplate your own mortality and how you are hurtling towards an unknown end. That is why you leave hiking and camping for the warmer months. It reduces the number of depressing existential thoughts for sure.<br />
<br />
<b>People Are Happier/ Beautiful Around</b><br />
<br />
This next section actually is going to have some science behind it. Now that you have all finished your fainting spells we can get on with it. In the summertime it has been <a href="http://scienceblogs.com/neurontic/2007/08/10/ask-a-science-blogger-are-we-h/" target="_blank">proven</a> that people generally are happier. For some it has to do with the Vitamin D that the sun provides, for others it is the melatonin that is suppressed (the melatonin helps regulate our body clocks and the lack of sun in the winter can mess with some people's clocks and it leaves them depressed). For yet others it is the increase in serotonin, which is the neurotransmitter that most scientists believe is behind depression. So the increase in that again helps reduce depression. Man, that sun of ours is not a one trick pony.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvAk6BfpNlz_9hnMeXCY057rV7EfURSMX2guniTw2SUtW2AiddkMuk4Ov4i3S0V1zK8lah1Q2mYdvXx7W59dI3c95jCkEtxsW4Erg7bkX54BJFxqSdjXNo6WR_4TR246RJmbSHe6O-eT0/s1600/one-trick-pony.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvAk6BfpNlz_9hnMeXCY057rV7EfURSMX2guniTw2SUtW2AiddkMuk4Ov4i3S0V1zK8lah1Q2mYdvXx7W59dI3c95jCkEtxsW4Erg7bkX54BJFxqSdjXNo6WR_4TR246RJmbSHe6O-eT0/s320/one-trick-pony.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some ponies only need one.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Do you want to know what else the sun has been helping with during this season? Making things beautiful. In the summer the sky is blue and all the leaves are green and the sun is warm like a baked potato. (At most three people will understand that reference) All Cannibal! The Musical references aside, it is true that the sky is bluer and the leaves greener during this time of year. Also since people are going to be spending more time outside they take better care of their yards and gardens, and they can be wonderful to behold. <br />
<br />
<b><u>Bonus Round</u></b><br />
<br />
Since you were such good little readers I am once again giving you a bonus round. This category has the distinction of being the only one that properly belongs in both the best and worst categories. With no further ado I give you..<br />
<br />
<b>People Wear Less Clothing</b><br />
<br />
As the temperature rises the amount of clothing worn decreases. Some of you might be thinking "but this is an awesome thing. It means that my hunk of a neighbor is going to start jogging shirtless." or "I have been waiting many months to see who wears short shorts. I hope it is [blank] that wears short shorts." To you I say beware what you wish for. Maybe you will get what you want and there will be a lot of shirtless jogging and short shorts, but remember this. You can't decide who will be shedding clothing. Maybe instead of the hunk jogging shirtless is will be your other neighbor, One Ton Bill that has decided to forgo fully dressing. So there he is sitting across the street lounging in a wading pool with nothing more than a speedo and a corn dog. Maybe instead of [blank] wearing short shorts it will be her mother, the lady with the varicose veins and the cellulite and the smoking problem.<br />
<br />
Now if you are like me you will never be able to get these images out of your head. So maybe instead of hoping for certain people to cut down on fabric usage you should hope that everyone makes it a modest season so you can sleep at night without being haunted by the images burned into your memory. Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-47894642855342006882013-05-07T13:07:00.001-07:002013-05-07T13:07:28.149-07:00The Best and Worst Things about Being SingleFirst off there is one thing of which you need to be made aware. I am single and I have been for a while. That simple fact will clearly bias what I write and skew it to the perspective of an unbound man who feels secure and content in the knowledge of his future as a male spinster (I am assuming I will have a lot of cats). Also I will be focusing on the best and worst parts of singledom for males only. Sorry ladies, but you make as much sense to me as a penguin riding a dinosaur. I think you are both awesome, but neither of you are logical to my brain (that might be why I am single).<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyE3H_lOhkY48dX9Pg11V1Y2fYylSyKUEhyphenhyphenYp_49DJ653w4x6TUoZRT63qCLlVXM69ABmlizGFg9fHAa1XQIhrpnIF_Xg5z9jCLEkjcsaF68lHEudU1mjN0X_fwfGM53ZMoJwQzWUKJr4/s1600/photo+(1).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyE3H_lOhkY48dX9Pg11V1Y2fYylSyKUEhyphenhyphenYp_49DJ653w4x6TUoZRT63qCLlVXM69ABmlizGFg9fHAa1XQIhrpnIF_Xg5z9jCLEkjcsaF68lHEudU1mjN0X_fwfGM53ZMoJwQzWUKJr4/s320/photo+(1).JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Doesn't stop me from doodling it though.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
So with all that in mind I warn you to prepare yourselves, because I am about to rock your world with the definitive list of the best and worst things about being single. I decided to start out with the best parts about being single because I am nothing if not optimistic. What I write may not reflect this, but I swear I am. Honest.<br />
<br />
<b>Best</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>You pick the shows you want to watch</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
When you are single, TV watching is incredibly easy. There is no drama about the channel or the content of what will be viewed. I have never once had to fight myself for control of the television. I may not always pick a winner, but I am always at peace with myself for the choices I make. As a single man you pick what you want to watch and you don't have to worry if the person with you will hate the movie about Moon Nazis.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSKeXVgATWLKghFLLgNVWcE49ntF7mT-xLqCoeC42_593AnQQnX3-C6ee7Vftrokn901YQ4pEe6ZmeVcY2It5HNmQ8i7LNB4NK8T7mpcfjwotse32AG_QnXFAiIPu6bDslDld4vVn6aJY/s1600/iron+sky.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSKeXVgATWLKghFLLgNVWcE49ntF7mT-xLqCoeC42_593AnQQnX3-C6ee7Vftrokn901YQ4pEe6ZmeVcY2It5HNmQ8i7LNB4NK8T7mpcfjwotse32AG_QnXFAiIPu6bDslDld4vVn6aJY/s1600/iron+sky.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is actually a thing and of course we watched it.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
As has been well documented, we do not always pick quality movies and will sometimes watch terrible movies just because we can. I think of it like anything in this world, you can't enjoy the good without having experienced the bad, and boy do we know the bad. When you have a lady friend you have to worry about things like "good taste" and "artistic credibility". I say pff to those things as I roam the land freely, watching whatever I want willy-nilly. <br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Less Accountability</b><br />
<br />
In the wonderful world of bachelorhood there are many things that you don't need to worry about explaining or fixing. Being single means that pizza sauce and french fries can count as vegetables. It means that shaving is now optional, and you can wear that t-shirt with the hole in the side and the questionable graphics without any complaint (At least to your face). You also have no need to worry about spending your money on random nick-knacks to clutter your spaces. Do you need that Tardis cookie jar or another Star Wars character piggy bank? Not at all, but by golly you are going to have them.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin8uuLLH-E8C1soMuehBJ8uWy76PiZvy8Th-A5pCrYow35qzuyvXAV2PIVGyFPWHjHgvgwIqEJpda9DefG8mCkftQooRF1wo0yawn670Vo3ywvq2o8ZzY7CsZ64NfRF7w-h5HIDAtqKI0/s1600/random+purchases.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="317" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin8uuLLH-E8C1soMuehBJ8uWy76PiZvy8Th-A5pCrYow35qzuyvXAV2PIVGyFPWHjHgvgwIqEJpda9DefG8mCkftQooRF1wo0yawn670Vo3ywvq2o8ZzY7CsZ64NfRF7w-h5HIDAtqKI0/s320/random+purchases.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I own all of these things and that should probably bother me.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
As with any relationship there is a certain amount of responsibility that lands squarely on your shoulders. It isn't a bad thing, but you will be required to remember things that don't involve sports stats or where you have seen that guy in the movie before. Dates and times now become important things and could cause a problem if you forget to, for example, pick her up from the airport or to water her plants when she is gone. Abandonment and dead plants do not make for a sturdy relationship foundation.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZfPS0facEYd23a-zPs9Rrb1LpGVHl0PE9vmfxNnk1hENmd6XcnyoniQxoJZYYDF6FI4EO5Xuv-q5ThhiQUdxo5HQZiEcDCR1n0D6UiFEDYJsadXFvJVqnkol3413ktKUxmj-tvI4vMo8/s1600/DeadFlowers1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZfPS0facEYd23a-zPs9Rrb1LpGVHl0PE9vmfxNnk1hENmd6XcnyoniQxoJZYYDF6FI4EO5Xuv-q5ThhiQUdxo5HQZiEcDCR1n0D6UiFEDYJsadXFvJVqnkol3413ktKUxmj-tvI4vMo8/s320/DeadFlowers1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Umm, I love you?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<b>More Free Time</b><br />
<br />
I find it hard to admit, but during this last week I spent several hours dedicated to the task of organizing coins. "Why would anyone do this?" is probably a question that crossed your mind. The answer is simple, because I could. I had no other commitments for my time at that moment and I didn't feel like doing anything truly worthwhile so I organized coins. That is one great thing about being single. I have more free time to do whatever I want. I could watch 13 straight hours of Doctor Who, or spend all day reading up on fictional characters of upcoming movies, or try my hand at crafts. I am not saying I should do these things or that they are normal occurrences, but I could if I wanted to and that is the point.<br />
<br />
In the past paragraphs I have shared a few of the wonders that surround the life of a single man, but such a life is not all gumdrops and jet packs. There are a few evils that darken the doorstep of this idyllic life, and that brings me to the worst parts about being single. <br />
<br />
<b>Worst</b><br />
<br />
<b>People Bother You about Dating</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
There are few things that married people hate more than an unattached bachelor over the age of 25 (I guess I should say <i>some</i> married people). They feel like they are happy being married and that if you seem happy in any way as a single person you are committing a crime and must be stopped. At every turn they will hound you about who you are thinking about dating and when it will happen and why it hasn't happened yet and how many kids you want and if you have a neighborhood in mind where you will live and... you get the idea. They are like members of a fanatical cult and they are doing their best to turn you.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqzJuycabf7RQoA7SqwTjGgWIB_KNcOkZ2K_S9SnrI1G19hoMSAgzhuMEb3qIV4HMdHx6DuxNRCWntePhsfSYkT7ccT5cKf1cWnPsaORBbHXPBYp9-EKrDqsvTf1MNe51To0-FNypsZ-A/s1600/couple.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqzJuycabf7RQoA7SqwTjGgWIB_KNcOkZ2K_S9SnrI1G19hoMSAgzhuMEb3qIV4HMdHx6DuxNRCWntePhsfSYkT7ccT5cKf1cWnPsaORBbHXPBYp9-EKrDqsvTf1MNe51To0-FNypsZ-A/s1600/couple.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Soon.....Sooooon</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
While the people mentioned above can be bad, family can be even worse. Every friend you bring home of the opposite sex is automatically thought of as a potential mate. "She seems like a sweet girl" "She has a good job" "She is a she" are all things that you might hear from the family after the person has left (or in the middle of a date if it is me). For the most part I have been lucky on this front. That is until now. I am looking at you Mom. I guess with the change in my situation she feels that it is time to get me hitched, and I miss the old carefree days of parental indifference. Sigh.<br />
<br />
As long as you are single, people will not be content with that fact and will do their best to play match maker or life coach. It can be hard to handle, but such is the lot of the bachelor.<br />
<br />
This next section isn't really a worry of mine (it probably should be), but it really has my friend Ricky in knots at times.<br />
<br />
<b>Your Developing Homemaker Skills Get Questioned</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
As you all may well remember Ricky moved out to a new place fairly recently. It was the first time since his mission that he wouldn't be living with his parents and he has flourished out on his own. Part of being in charge of a residence lies in a few domestic tasks that may seem a little less than manly. We have no issue in taking part of such things, but recently Ricky felt that he may be going too far. I will give you an excerpt of a recent email conversation we had. To give you some background I need to tell you that the house mates (Or maybe just Joshua) had purchased a patio set. It didn't have the greatest look so they were going to redo it.<br />
<br />
Ricky: I may try and paint the table this weekend. We were actually thinking a lime green color. We'll see though.<br />
Me: You could find some awesome fabric to go with that as well. I would say to not go with plain black for the seats, but if you do I won't cry. Much.<br />
Ricky: Yeah we are going to the fabric store before we actually choose the color. I need a girlfriend.<br />
Me: Or you need to not get one because that will damper the homemaker in you haha.<br />
Ricky: Zac, I am repainting and reupholstering a table, then I'm going to buy stuff for gardening, there will be baking (I found new cookie recipes) and cross stitching. This may switch from "oh cute he's in touch with his feminine side" to "Oh Ricky? I love being around him because I can be me, that's what I love about gay men, he's gay right?"<br />
Me: At least you are doing this for your own place. I am doing this for a place I don't even live. I love this fabric by the way, but it is probably more of a me thing.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjybL70sSdy2mJoUltE_Mlbaycx3HSiVWKWfxrwk9y_nF0EsMXlLORBf_e1ErT0UqL8Y5vbXinb46kZwpxrZ-eEl_vKF-_1jK6HAJYV17IZYqm0bYMe65xlt2pZgj3rznkTA80ilqMNTSg/s1600/fabric.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjybL70sSdy2mJoUltE_Mlbaycx3HSiVWKWfxrwk9y_nF0EsMXlLORBf_e1ErT0UqL8Y5vbXinb46kZwpxrZ-eEl_vKF-_1jK6HAJYV17IZYqm0bYMe65xlt2pZgj3rznkTA80ilqMNTSg/s200/fabric.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Actual image of fabric mentioned above.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
As you can see it is a real worry for single men that if they do any normal domestic tasks they might be unfairly labeled as something they are not. So in the end the table looks amazing and Ricky is still single...ladies?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyzCMhXJKRqlkY5r5e5GCgluE_J83cd3EmMD21nB9HkHTw1nYoHf9mJWXX-M8NQlkU157Mhd4AWWbaFTcypIYiTzx15DODl4dzhGmMm5lgfCHvjMApzcW1UIIN8E60H8_fR-Cfpp8870w/s1600/photo+(2).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyzCMhXJKRqlkY5r5e5GCgluE_J83cd3EmMD21nB9HkHTw1nYoHf9mJWXX-M8NQlkU157Mhd4AWWbaFTcypIYiTzx15DODl4dzhGmMm5lgfCHvjMApzcW1UIIN8E60H8_fR-Cfpp8870w/s320/photo+(2).JPG" width="239" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<b>Bonus Round</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Being a true bachelor I love old video games and the fact that if you did well there was a bonus round. I am proud of all of you for sticking with this article to the end so here you all go.<br />
<br />
Recently I was speaking with a coworker about the upcoming events of the Lost Boys (my Mom has taken to calling us this because of the fact that we never seem to grow up). I mentioned things like the Opera, Roller Derby and camping because we are awesome and do awesome things awesomely. Her reply to this was as follows.<br />
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now
it's near impossible to go camping with two
babies</div>
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plus
all our friends have kids too</div>
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so
it would be a fiasco</div>
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live
it up being single yo-<br />
<br /></div>
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</div>
</div>
I am going to take that to heart and life it up while I am single. Like most good things I am sure it will come to an end, but as I have been told that in this case the good will be replaced with something better.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnS8kfEXtuK8pCh-cfIIrAz2jLliH6aLWNNb8r7gRf5I3zGpgvUPaVvSVfscS1BZnM-UtAjasMkxHHDtll4NP_CG2p0v6lbm6z-CzcNbeRr_IAsnte22wv_HK1gVe2lPHGUzVe8MD8mKo/s1600/photo+(3).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnS8kfEXtuK8pCh-cfIIrAz2jLliH6aLWNNb8r7gRf5I3zGpgvUPaVvSVfscS1BZnM-UtAjasMkxHHDtll4NP_CG2p0v6lbm6z-CzcNbeRr_IAsnte22wv_HK1gVe2lPHGUzVe8MD8mKo/s320/photo+(3).JPG" width="263" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">To make up for that sappy ending enjoy a Kinkade Godzilla</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-2199853020188122332013-04-18T12:17:00.000-07:002013-04-18T14:53:47.939-07:00Five Reasons Why the Gym is the WorstWith summer fast approaching we find ourselves scrambling to transition our bodies from pale, grotesque lumps of flesh to gleaming Adonises(Adoni?) and lady Adonises(Aphrodites I guess). We usually settle for something in the middle, but to get there we have to face a monster that might be worse than the social scorn wrought from having abs that are playing hide and seek in layers of fat. The foul beast goes by an inconspicuous name, but don't let the name fool you. It is evil to the core and it feeds off the pain and suffering of humans. This fearsome creature is none other than the gym. I will push through the pain and the post-traumatic stress to try and save you before it is too late by helping you see why the gym is the worst.<br />
<br />
<b>5. Locker room</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
As you first enter the gym like the frightened creature you are, your natural inclination is to head to the locker room so you can put on the appropriate attire or at the very least lock up your scant valuable possessions so you will have a means of egress once the hellish session is over. This feeling is a mistake. The locker room is something to be avoided, like an angry grizzly bear wielding duel samurai swords. Scratch that. I would never be able to not stare at a such a bear. I guess you should think of the locker room more as a place where old naked men congregate because that is actually what it is (I can only assume the ladies have this issue as well but with old ladies instead).<br />
<br />
Once you step into that room you have unofficially struck an accord that you are willing to see the withered nether regions and that you will not complain as they maintain eye contact every second that you are in the process of changing. Don't blink because the moment your eyes reopen there will be more of them and they will be closer. Just like the weeping angels on Doctor Who, but with less clothing.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEko1dqZ9wOCobSHCAxxzdHO6sBY2AnvnMWuBOq7nXyUclyqFu7gz-rxMMk2oJJrDituqgecAN3m-T3C1gw3xloewgdsbyX-oNn8n2rCeEUTiAD15M9bUFPPIb5QrTXLk9WXTPY_mJRds/s1600/weeping+angel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEko1dqZ9wOCobSHCAxxzdHO6sBY2AnvnMWuBOq7nXyUclyqFu7gz-rxMMk2oJJrDituqgecAN3m-T3C1gw3xloewgdsbyX-oNn8n2rCeEUTiAD15M9bUFPPIb5QrTXLk9WXTPY_mJRds/s1600/weeping+angel.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">LOOK AT MY JUNK!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<b>4. Curl Bros</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
After leaving the locker room you see that the gym is full of a variety of people. Most of them feel the same way about the gym that you do, so in that sense you have a bit of camaraderie. There are those others though, that make the gym a dark and dismal place. These fellows have been given the moniker of "Curl Bros". All of you who have visited the gym have seen one even if you were unaware of the name. These are the guys that like to sit around in super tight tank tops and lounge in front of the mirror curling. You might also see them using the squat rack to do more curls. Do they ever do leg work? No, because girls dig defined arms brah. Never mind that by ignoring their legs they look like inverted Christmas trees and not in a good way (I am assuming there is a good way).<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9rniFRqk5Yx9I3m95Y0NQX0YBhSUeENQI74S2s5pOaKjvZfS_C0PMpLHhUeuaaHmSmWb-MW68wiXIxTQQGCo7gaD6F9umxiwcq78e-IkT41uE_iKUj5lQarHbB-HLC-whm0Xq2edEQ34/s1600/bro+comparison.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9rniFRqk5Yx9I3m95Y0NQX0YBhSUeENQI74S2s5pOaKjvZfS_C0PMpLHhUeuaaHmSmWb-MW68wiXIxTQQGCo7gaD6F9umxiwcq78e-IkT41uE_iKUj5lQarHbB-HLC-whm0Xq2edEQ34/s320/bro+comparison.png" width="190" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stupid drooling tree</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
One of these days I fear that I will see one of these Curl Bros collapse under the weight of their inflated arms and egos because their legs just can't hold up anymore. I fear this because if I am the only witness I will not help them and I will end up in Hell because this one act tipped the scales out of my favor. I can just see a stupid Curl Bro doing that to me on purpose somehow. Grrr. So if you or someone you know suffers from this disease, please cure them, because as we learned...<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaqiClB9v8XstBuVIevxvu2BQYrZeud2qYO3py6LRK8BnJjDeiwkAdN-tRyVMgDXMeSxGssNIvGPrdN7Mf_FKR_G4oK6u7jJsmkXDO_Eri7zcwTTJwBKPNMmb1c_95-b4xqxfynPtjKQs/s1600/leg+day.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaqiClB9v8XstBuVIevxvu2BQYrZeud2qYO3py6LRK8BnJjDeiwkAdN-tRyVMgDXMeSxGssNIvGPrdN7Mf_FKR_G4oK6u7jJsmkXDO_Eri7zcwTTJwBKPNMmb1c_95-b4xqxfynPtjKQs/s320/leg+day.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<b>3. Sweat everywhere/smell</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Do you want to know what smells amazing? If any of you guessed the gym I don't think we should be friends anymore. When you walk into a gym your nostrils get hit by a wall of the accumulated sweat and tears of thousands of tortured, unwashed souls. It makes your eyes water and weakens your resolve. It is a very powerful force to be sure, but you already walked in so you can't turn around because that makes you look like a quitter and you are no quitter. So you brave the odor and press on just to see that half of the machines are currently being occupied by the sweatiest beings in existence (one is probably me).<br />
<br />
As you look on you see a veritable downpour of body water splashing over everything: the weights, the seats, the grips and the innocent bystanders (sorry about that one time Danny). You know that they will attempt to wipe it all up with either an insufficient paper towel or a towel that has seen too much in his day and is contemplating ending it all, but they can never take that image out of your noggin. In the immortal words of Futurama "You've watched it and you can't un-watch it".<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZK4ByesMZRETdLQnb0jO6U9aktown6ryJ1SU2bKnkxNF9egngMaomHqduaZDFxhf2HgxmX9y6Iq6ewPJjeiQfF8RJaBINn3AM7svPLPw05aSS2dIN9828zElrx73vVw124lyUAv4dgwU/s1600/corgie+husky.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZK4ByesMZRETdLQnb0jO6U9aktown6ryJ1SU2bKnkxNF9egngMaomHqduaZDFxhf2HgxmX9y6Iq6ewPJjeiQfF8RJaBINn3AM7svPLPw05aSS2dIN9828zElrx73vVw124lyUAv4dgwU/s320/corgie+husky.jpg" width="212" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I think you all deserve a nice puppy break before we continue.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<b>2. Feeling of being watched/overdoing it</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
After you get over your case of the ickies from the sweat you get into your routine. Things are going well. You are lifting things or moving your body and it is hard, but you know that is good for you because you were told so. After a moment you pause. You swear that you can feel eyes on the back of your neck and it fills you with a sense of foreboding. You quickly turn around, but see nothing. You make a quick double take and BAM you catch the perp in the act of watching you. I am not a pretty lady, but I still have people watch me work out and it makes me really self-conscious. Stop looking at me with those judging eyes! A part of it might be that I lift heavy things, but I still imagine that they are doing it for the sole purpose of making me feel awkward.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFYVkU03_Hqk4B5qqjB04xmvqGt-ROZ9Mi_l45Rf3GbYlkHw-L2bm4a2-ME4hqwrJml9yMKPN7P-5T5yXsLAxepPbreA5360vSAGad63jeScWa156VoFrg1kwf1yHbmMTYiciEfcsXzbM/s1600/watching+you.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFYVkU03_Hqk4B5qqjB04xmvqGt-ROZ9Mi_l45Rf3GbYlkHw-L2bm4a2-ME4hqwrJml9yMKPN7P-5T5yXsLAxepPbreA5360vSAGad63jeScWa156VoFrg1kwf1yHbmMTYiciEfcsXzbM/s1600/watching+you.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I know! Please stop, I am begging you.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Now that is has been established that you are being watched you feel obligated to do more than you planned. That bench press you were going to do clearly isn't manly enough or that speed you are running isn't nearly fast enough so everything gets turned up a notch. It doesn't matter that you can't do more, you still try. Your muscles ache and you feel your sides attempting to split from the cramping pain, but still you soldier on for that random stranger watching you.<br />
<br />
If you are lucky you have a spotter that will see you dying and come in to help. For those less fortunate and foolhardy that have no spotter it is much worse. As you struggle to thrust the weight skyward you hit a wall. Not a real one, but one that feels solid enough that is causes your elbows to shake and that shakiness passes from the elbow to the rest of the arm and leaves the whole a mass of squiggling jelly. At this wall there is no passing go and there is nowhere for the weight to go but down, and down it comes. It falls down with a sudden force that causes the air to rush out of your lungs and as you struggle to regain your breath you begin an awkward slide/shuffle that will allow you to slip out from the bar's grasp and onto the floor. From the ground you begin to gather together your wits and gain your bearing, you look around and you see that now there is a whole gaggle of people looking at you. They were drawn in by the clanging weights and the scent of fear and embarrassment.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsw_6VPeA3BJrG5YUqAd6rLVQlxknMRF1I-urLyPE_Jc09uj8SPle3nlXGgG1G6i-7OQqd23WDu1dj4ZTieFp8q6t-1Kbhck-SFM8Dmx-VAa4DkEPvutJYirq7krFC7fh1czVWvjpU9ZQ/s1600/bad-form-bench.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="207" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsw_6VPeA3BJrG5YUqAd6rLVQlxknMRF1I-urLyPE_Jc09uj8SPle3nlXGgG1G6i-7OQqd23WDu1dj4ZTieFp8q6t-1Kbhck-SFM8Dmx-VAa4DkEPvutJYirq7krFC7fh1czVWvjpU9ZQ/s320/bad-form-bench.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nope, nothing wrong over here.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<b>1. Next morning/overdoing it cont'd</b><br />
<br />
After suffering that humiliating defeat you finally start to get a rhythm going. You are going between machines and benches and going through reps like it ain't no thang. You had set a limit on what you were going to do before you got there, but what does past you know about your abilities? Nothing is what. So you breeze past your limit because it doesn't really hurt that much at the time. Little did you know that past you was trying to save the future you from current you's stupidity.<br />
<br />
You headed home feeling like you had done some good work. You managed to survive the gym and all its horrors. You curl into bed looking forward to drifting off into peaceful slumber. The next morning you hear your alarm and you think that today is going to be a great day, until you try to extend your arm out to stop that racket. What is wrong with you? The mere act of moving in any way is causing you to whimper like a nerd that just saw someone open a packaged 1978 vinyl cape jawa so a child could play with it (darn kids). In that moment you discover that you have muscles that you never knew existed and they all hate you and are attempting to prove it.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0wDkZ9ns54r8oyxZ85HMRsJuiztQwTyuaK22MH8TRnl-9BkytsaegYXUgPjFonBHrhlmLKoIHUg0yLb5Vgf7CyGF4Vnq2PClCAhpU3SC_g39-7PoQwONM7Vma8cPlZ_Qys6t2zbN_AC4/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0wDkZ9ns54r8oyxZ85HMRsJuiztQwTyuaK22MH8TRnl-9BkytsaegYXUgPjFonBHrhlmLKoIHUg0yLb5Vgf7CyGF4Vnq2PClCAhpU3SC_g39-7PoQwONM7Vma8cPlZ_Qys6t2zbN_AC4/s320/photo.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What in the hell is an abductor and why won't it stop?!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Overdoing your workout is a mistake that most new gym goers and a lot of seasoned vets make. It'll make simple things like going to the bathroom (squats) and washing your back (shoulder and bench press) nigh on impossible. I will admit that there is chance that a tear has managed to squeeze its way out of my face the day after overdoing a leg day. It isn't pretty to see and it is much worse to feel. So keeping that in mind you should do yourself a favor and listen to past you and stick to what you had planned.<br />
<br />
I know that the picture I painted of the gym isn't pretty. In fact it was downright ugly, but remember that the gym does have some good in it as well. A healthy you is a good thing, right? You bet your britches it is. So even though there are some things at the gym that are less than awesome, just soldier through them and press on, because taking the gym head on that is the only way to defeat this beast and you are a winner.Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-73892129222129419562013-03-13T15:12:00.000-07:002013-03-13T15:12:18.060-07:00The Dukes Get CraftyWith the recent move of several Dukes to a home in another part of the valley we have had an eye towards decorating. Even though I do not number among those that have sought out new lodging (I have a pretty sweet gig in my current location) I got caught up in the frenzied desire to furnish a living space with awesome stuff. The only space I currently have to decorate is my man cave, which is already pretty darn full of furniture. That being the case I did not join my fellow Dukes in going on a shopping spree to IKEA (watch out for the Minotaur in the bedding section). I did however join in with the fun part of picking things to hang on my walls. In this post we are going to share a few of our adventures in decorating.<br />
<br />
<b>Zac's Struggle for Dominance Over a Lowly Puzzle</b><br />
<br />
For nearly a decade and a half now I have had this sweet Star Wars poster-sized puzzle. It has sat in a box in my room and I have often had the thought that I should really put it together again and frame it. For years I put it off because as you may well know I am lazy and doing things just isn't my style. That being said I made the perfectly logical decision at one in the morning that now was the time to seize life and finish my puzzle. I picked a movie on Netflix (The Producers) and my cat and I got started.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No it's cool. I didn't want to look at the lid anyways.</td></tr>
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One musical and two TV episodes later and I was done (no thanks to the cat). Every piece had been glued on the cardboard backing and it was magnificent. As I gazed through bleary eyes at my masterpiece I noticed that something was wrong. In a flash I felt like my night had been wasted and that I should give up on all future dreams because there was no point. I knew that just as soon as I began to love something it would betray me just like this puzzle had. I guess I should have taken the advice from Wizard People Dear Reader and been wary. What was wrong you might be asking. Well look upon the finished product and weep with me.<br />
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Let me give you a closer look.<br />
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Curse you puzzle and your missing piece! I know you did this just to spite me for all those years of neglect! You should just be happy that I didn't throw you out like I did my Goosebumps puzzles. I was distraught. I had come so far and I just wanted the project to be complete. I searched high and low for the piece, but to no avail .I decided that I would finish this puzzle come hell or high water (doubtful in either case). I managed to find several options using the wonder of Google on my phone. First I found that I could buy the exact same puzzle of Ebay for about 20 dollars, or I could send the surrounding pieces and a picture of the box lid to a company in England and they would manufacture a piece for me for about the same price.<br />
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I am not usually a frugal one so what transpired in my head was quite interesting. I found out that I have a limit on what frivolous purchases I will make. My limit is apparently 20 dollars for one puzzle piece. I just couldn't do it. I figured that if once piece was worth 20 dollars that the whole puzzle would cost $6000 and there was no way I valued this puzzle that highly (don't look deeply into my logic I was really tired at the time). It was at about that point that I decided to give Big Puzzle the bird (I told you I was making no sense) and make my own replacement piece. Lucky for me I don't have a ton to do at work so I took measurements of exactly the size and shape I needed and I got drawing.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">First rough sketch</td></tr>
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I may have forgotten to mention that the piece I was replacing was the one with C-3PO's face. This was also an incredibly frustrating fact. It would have been way too easy if the missing piece were just a lowly border piece that knew its place and was really easy to recreate, but no I had to draw the robot face. After I had finished drawing I busted out my colored pencil set and went to town. In the end I am proud of my achievement in finally managing to not buy something in an effort to take the easy way out, and in my opinion the finished product looks pretty darn good.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Is it me or does Luke look like He-Man?</td></tr>
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<b>Ricky fears his idle hands</b><br />
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If there is one thing that you could say we did more than anything else that would be watch things. We watch a ton of movies, TV shows and the occasional raccoon fight. Add up all the time we spend watching things and you will see it is a huge chunk of our lives. Ricky saw this and he could not take it any longer. He had to take action against this time-sucking beast. He felt that if he spent so much time in repose he needed to be doing something with his hands and he picked the manliest thing he could think of. He took up counter cross stitching.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look at how manly he is in the face of danger.</td></tr>
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Now I can sense that some of you are picturing a sweet old lady making a pillow that says "Love at Home" or some such nonsense. I can assure you that this is not the case. He is neither old nor sweet(debatable), and his labor results in a more entertaining variety of images and phrases. In lieu of spending my words trying to describe the wonders he creates, I am instead going to take you on a tour of his work.<br />
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The first one I am going to show you currently sits in his front entryway and I think it is perfect for showing his balance of thuggery and love of pretty things.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuklcFTGRmKL4oVEQ6a5nqbB0xEt1NORPLE7eiUSp8UYxKUlWJuLvBXMyy8FgaznqfrqZ2DgGhUbumiPKrH_gXz9elpuIrIB5SdsS-n5HlvuFmzHtDksrAkBSSaQfPz9r1a5109ob5JBE/s1600/gangster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuklcFTGRmKL4oVEQ6a5nqbB0xEt1NORPLE7eiUSp8UYxKUlWJuLvBXMyy8FgaznqfrqZ2DgGhUbumiPKrH_gXz9elpuIrIB5SdsS-n5HlvuFmzHtDksrAkBSSaQfPz9r1a5109ob5JBE/s320/gangster.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Indubitably good chum</td></tr>
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This next one will be a favorite of any Firefly or Joss Whedon fans out there(me).<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEKkoeKgh0TfZ3nAG30s8TncbgJU57C8NcOW1eLISxDSWmX1gX52tgOADE-ceAc0TxzXeSXkmUv8OLotq0YjivimzIdaMafwfYGMXmFRm4RVijhHSfSyN0i2QpQ4JfHzvOcMDhMcnQDMo/s1600/firefly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEKkoeKgh0TfZ3nAG30s8TncbgJU57C8NcOW1eLISxDSWmX1gX52tgOADE-ceAc0TxzXeSXkmUv8OLotq0YjivimzIdaMafwfYGMXmFRm4RVijhHSfSyN0i2QpQ4JfHzvOcMDhMcnQDMo/s320/firefly.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You leave Jayne alone!</td></tr>
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As with any art form the message given in the art often shows you an insight into the artist himself.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw8yidqvBwaBPmj04ws5B2RZOva73LvSo-OjZBq7aw2U1vZYR-lLg9zObhKcNATfoVrTRGfMNiK1xxzJDTf3or1rQw5H9G9oTJJ4QFJ4JDvPMn9hnoGVxkZIYZTtoVKsUlyURy4SQ18yI/s1600/lego.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw8yidqvBwaBPmj04ws5B2RZOva73LvSo-OjZBq7aw2U1vZYR-lLg9zObhKcNATfoVrTRGfMNiK1xxzJDTf3or1rQw5H9G9oTJJ4QFJ4JDvPMn9hnoGVxkZIYZTtoVKsUlyURy4SQ18yI/s320/lego.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From Ricky I seem to sense a lot of love and warmth.</td></tr>
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All the great artists have had some struggles with either critics or crazed fans. This also holds true for Ricky. After a short time one of the hottest commodities in the confines of our group were these wonders put together by Ricky. Many people wanted them, but with a limited supply almost no one was able to get one (I think there are only two, possibly three that are not in his own home). That didn't sit well with one of our friends and she demanded that the next one be dedicated to her (She didn't demand and it didn't really bother her, but hyperbole and deception are central to my writing). All I can say is be careful of what you wish for...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBUrsqprzbwmAow9MM8yZCn-Y4Qt4HJjG9qRpoDto4LznBLrrM_L3bpvKadsAuzbsLSPcgquFHl9r-bSW6SYVohGswAK3vPewpQkWxRrZp9oL7krGaIO-z-RqQRu4c24JHSH3lCXcEIU8/s1600/whoreo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBUrsqprzbwmAow9MM8yZCn-Y4Qt4HJjG9qRpoDto4LznBLrrM_L3bpvKadsAuzbsLSPcgquFHl9r-bSW6SYVohGswAK3vPewpQkWxRrZp9oL7krGaIO-z-RqQRu4c24JHSH3lCXcEIU8/s320/whoreo.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hey wait a second...those don't look like Oreos.</td></tr>
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I am sure that all of you out there have been dazzled by the things that he has immortalized in thread. As you can tell from this article our lives have become quite crafty and we love it that way. With the formation of the Vanguard and the introduction of a one Josh Allred to the group I am sure that this trend will continue to grow and develop. Where the muses will take us next is anybody's guess, but you can be sure of one thing. We will have fun doing it and if you don't like it I only have one thing to say and that is...<br />
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<br />Intrepid Dukes of Lazinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09331306908846944000noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-5653453436702664802013-03-06T10:39:00.001-08:002013-03-06T12:04:25.623-08:00Season of Change<br />
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I am not sure what to make of this post. Pretty much all of my ramblings up to this point have been strictly humor, without the thought of giving information that might be helpful to someone in any measurable way. Don’t get me wrong I love ranting about movies and things I hate, but I felt that this post was needed. To be honest it is probably mainly for me, but if it gives anyone out there some help then I guess that is a bonus.<o:p></o:p></div>
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With New Years, and the resolutions we made, fading fast in the review mirror of life I see that while we often make goals to change we never think about the best way to act on them. So here I give you five steps on how you can effect change in your life.<o:p></o:p></div>
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1.<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> <b> </b></span><b>Identify the issue</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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This step is the foundation for everything you will be working on later, and as we all know a firm foundation key to see any type of structural success. You never want to see a building come down due to shoddy workmanship (unless the building had it coming) and you also don’t want to see any of your goals suffer the same fate (I doubt they have it coming).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Either these were poorly built, or the local frost giants decided they wanted to play with dominoes.</td></tr>
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If you don’t know what you want to change, nothing will change. It is like going into a movie 20 minutes late and hoping that at some point they will recap what is happening because you are afraid the bewildered look on your face will stick for good. It is like going to the grocery store without a list of what you need and just throwing anything in the cart. You will end up walking the aisles for hours, eyes wide with terror at the thought of returning home without what you need. Days later you will still be confused and frustrated as to why you have 13 boxes of pop tarts and a barrel of couscous when all you really needed was a loaf of bread. I guess all I am trying to say is, that not knowing what to change is bad news</div>
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Another key is to make sure you have done your part to uncover the true issue. If you start working on something that is not the true issue you will find yourself back at this step a ways down the road. I find that for me the easiest way to figure out the problem is to write things down in lists of what I feel like I should be doing and what I want to do about it. It is quite interesting to see what comes up when you are just sketching out ideas. Often the thing I want to change just glares up at me from the paper or screen, but in a good way like a JJ Abrams film (don’t judge, I like his work). That may not be the best way for you. It could be that you need to have interaction with others and bounce ideas off of them to help find what you need. It might be as simple as spending some time in quiet contemplation. I am not here to tell you the best way; rather I am sharing what has worked for me.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5pUEIp7MiaoYJXXIfMNQhwlpcOukp46CDv_90jfozb3f-YY4iWZ1-ycZku_F1ralrP_MCAW9gCzKAZwERjPyxN4SIGYcWWbcTDdpYUjY1fVAYJhz-bYdLDmk87e5IA8N0r1aOjBrJeEHE/s1600/change.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="139" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5pUEIp7MiaoYJXXIfMNQhwlpcOukp46CDv_90jfozb3f-YY4iWZ1-ycZku_F1ralrP_MCAW9gCzKAZwERjPyxN4SIGYcWWbcTDdpYUjY1fVAYJhz-bYdLDmk87e5IA8N0r1aOjBrJeEHE/s320/change.bmp" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Choosing your own adventure often begins here.</td></tr>
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I am not the only one I know that is a fan of the technique of jotting things down. Recently my good friend Ricky sent me email with an attachment called “guidelines for life”. He had listed out the things he felt needed to change. He then took those things and made a comprehensive list of them and also paired them with some of the possible solutions. It was quite the list that while it was all encompassing it could seem daunting for certain people. So find what works for you and go for it since the next big step is…<o:p></o:p></div>
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2.<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> <b> </b></span><b>Deciding to Act</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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For change to happen you have to truly decide to make it so. According to the laws of Physics a body at rest stays at rest and a body in motion stays in motion. Depending on what our goal is we need to find a way to jump start ourselves into action or find some way to stop.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">This message brought to you by Newton.</td></tr>
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A way to stop is to find an anchor, something that will be firm enough to stop you in a tempest of self-doubt. Often that can be a simple thing like the support of a friend. Generally speaking being a friend means you like someone (I think that is the actual definition) and that you are willing to help them in what they need (fine, here is the actual definition. A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard). The only issue is that friends are not mind readers and can’t help anchor you if they don’t know that that is what they are supposed to do. So in order for your friends to support you, they need to know that is what they are supposed to be doing. So you will be required to open your mouth.</div>
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An example of this is once again my friend Ricky. At times he can be crass in his choice of words and it is something he wishes to change. When we were hanging out in a small group he told us of his wish to change and his desire for our help in the matter. If he hadn't spoken up I would not have known this and would not have been able to remind him to not use certain words by flicking him rather viciously. He hates being flicked and I love doing it so I was more than willing to help him in his quest.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Another anchor we have is the support of our family. In most cases our family loves us and they want what is best for us, so they are great candidates for helping people change. Also if nothing else we always have the support of God in our attempts to better ourselves. He is always there and is a staunch ally who will never give up on us no matter how lost we think the cause.<o:p></o:p></div>
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For some of us the issue might be the fact that we are omitting to do things in our life. This can be any number of things from not going to the gym or not going to school or studying when we should. It could also be not taking the time to prepare meals or even taking the time to be with loved ones. Getting ourselves up and about when it comes to these omitted acts can be quite an onerous task. We are often comfortable where we are and don’t feel the need to change. This is just our general malaise trying to keep you complacent.<o:p></o:p><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Turns out there is an image for everything.</td></tr>
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It seems like the most important step in either case is that if you feel something needs to change you need to decide to act. There can be no hope of change if the main party hasn't truly decided that they want to change. So remember you need to want to change for anything to happen. It can’t even be a wishy-washy type of want either like “yeah I would like a taco, but only if it were already in my mouth”. It has to be a fully vested want. You have to desire this change in your heart. Once you have that desire you are ready to take that first step down the road of change.<br />
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I would recommend possibly making a list of one or two things that you want to change and make a plan of everything that this change would entail. Once you have this list in hand it is time to look at those things and...<br />
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3.<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span><b>Act as if you were</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Okay so at this point you have figured out what you want to change and you have decided to act. Another step to tackle your goal lies in the phrase “Act as if you were”. This principle was taught to me by my mission president. It seems so simple yet it blew my mind with how effective it could be.</div>
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I will give you a few examples of what this step could look like. If you want to be better at cleaning the house just act as if you were. In the beginning you will think to yourself “What would a very tidy person do in this situation?” Once you thought about what they would do, you would do it yourself. After a while of acting like you think they would it becomes a part of you and is a habit. Or if you want to be more patient, just take the same steps and think what a patient person would do in that spot. It can be really frustrating to begin with since many people suck, but over time you find that you have a greater capability to be patient with others (I think this is one I need to work on). </div>
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Another thing that seems to be a part of this is if you are the one helping someone change you need to act as if they were as well. If you treat them as if they have changed it will give them greater confidence that they will be able to finish what they started. This part also works great in a work environment. If you have people under you and you want them to be better you need to treat them as if they were that person already. It is remarkable in the way it boosts their motivation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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At this point we have identified the issue, decided to act and have taken up the mantra to act as if you were. Now you need to remember that..</div>
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4. <b>You don't need to be afraid of setbacks and relapses</b><br />
<b><br /></b>I know that was a longer header title than normal and that it doesn't fit with proper header etiquette, but I live life on the edge so deal with it. Back to the topic of discussion. I find that this section is probably the most important for maintaining changes. When you are trying to change something in your life setbacks are impossible to avoid. They will happen and what we do after they happen is what will decide our fate. If we see that we had a setback, it is normal to feel a little despair and to think about giving up on change. DON'T GIVE IN! Just don't.<br />
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Let us imagine that your goal is to eat healthier. It is a worthy goal, but one day you are just innocently going along and BAM!! You find that you have no time to make a meal so you swing by McDonald's and grab a Big Mac. Don't let that get you down or before you know it you will be double fisting ice cream and pizza sandwiches while tears slowly roll down your face and onto your stained sweats.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Puppies don't judge</td></tr>
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Even though we know that relapses happen that doesn't mean we can't limit them and shape them a bit. With the example above we know that part of the problem is that your body will crave some of the things you are no longer eating. If you just try and use willpower to avoid eating a cookie ever again your face will probably explode. So instead of avoiding it forever you need to plan for it in your meals. Maybe you will have one cheat meal a week or maybe you will have an Oreo with one meal a day. With other goals it might be avoiding the things that tempt you. I don't know what will work best for you. I just know that for each goal there is a way to minimize the effect and scope that setbacks have.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Okay, some puppies do judge.</td></tr>
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5. <b>Monitor and Maintain</b></div>
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Good for you if you have made it this far. It means that you have identified a problem, you have decided to act and act as if you were, you also are aware of the setbacks that will come. Now we come to the last step, monitoring your progress. If you see that things are changing that will be a great perk and will add extra motivation to improve even more, or if you aren't seeing any improvement that might be a sign that it is time to try a new approach to solving the issue. Not every attempt is going to be a success, but that shouldn't be a deterrent. Just remember that even if it didn't work the fact you tried is a good step.</div>
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I like to think of this step as the repeat step on the shampoo bottle. After you have made it through all the stages it is time to repeat. As you move along the path of change you will find that at times you need to tweak your goals. It could be that you have completed what you were aiming for so now you are going to tackle something else. It could also mean that as you move along the path that you will find that you wish to reach a slightly different destination. to get there just take the aforementioned steps and go through them again.</div>
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I know that it seems like changing is hard, and you would be right. It is hard to change, but not impossible and the rewards make it all worthwhile. It is my hope that we will all be able to find our goals and to make them reality, even if it is just to make that Chewbacca puppy stop judging you.<br />
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Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-21394613134261033842012-10-11T17:49:00.000-07:002012-10-11T17:49:38.098-07:00Five Reasons Why The Dukes Shouldn't Trust WomenAfter our wildly successful post about <a href="http://www.intrepiddukes.blogspot.com/2012/03/5-reasons-why-women-should-not-trust.html" target="_blank">why women shouldn't trust us</a> I felt like it needed a rebuttal. "Now hang on there partner", I can see you asking "didn't you write the last post?" I did indeed write that post, but since no one else spoke up I decided that I would be the one to defend our honor. The last post was a gauntlet thrown and now I must stand for our honor and bandy words about (with myself) like a crisply performed riposte. So ladies prepare yourselves to be shocked and dismayed by the five reasons why The Dukes shouldn't trust women.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shame on all of you who could even think of harming these poor innocent souls.</td></tr>
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<b>1. Ladies like to call into question Zac's heterosexuality</b><br />
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I don't know what it is but the womenfolk like to make assumptions about me. Now I am fine with some of them, like having them assume I am 6'4" because I seem tall-ish or even assuming I will know answers to random questions. Those assumptions are kind of nice because I like trivia and I really want to be 6'4", but from time to time other assumptions are made and they hurt(probably).<br />
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Here are a few facts about myself: I love musical theater and the opera, I enjoy singing, I like to wear the colors purple and pink, I have a ton of knowledge about colors and color schemes, I like to wear cuff links and pocket squares, I have held Coombsy's hand, but I also love the ladies and if I didn't hate dating so much I would probably have a girlfriend or something.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDxh1U1WFIDGgB_tWU9ksyXSH-Bh8sDZYbXV53sj4S7JcZJpFNHxTXUxzrBAA09ZfhHlnfDp6GalVOXXRN09ugTFCWbeYI3Ngd5BlNHWFaffbhOBhfr5bmDt7E0xZYt-_V4nwiDOeYUdc/s1600/photo+(3).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDxh1U1WFIDGgB_tWU9ksyXSH-Bh8sDZYbXV53sj4S7JcZJpFNHxTXUxzrBAA09ZfhHlnfDp6GalVOXXRN09ugTFCWbeYI3Ngd5BlNHWFaffbhOBhfr5bmDt7E0xZYt-_V4nwiDOeYUdc/s320/photo+(3).JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look at that manly dancing</td></tr>
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I bring this up because the other day I was at work minding my own business, writing a blog post. A student came up as they are wont to do and started asking questions. I was expecting "can you help me scan this?" or "where is the paper?". Instead I got "How many kids do you have?". That bummed me out a bit because it confirmed that I look old and like I am settled in a relationship. I told her no so then she asked me if I were married. Once again I said no and the lady fired right back with did I have a girlfriend. I said no and thought that was the end since she had started to turn away. Sadly she turned back and said "can I ask you a personal question?".<br />
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That blew my mind because I thought that all of them had been personal questions so I managed to get out a husky yet confused "yeah". At that moment I wasn't sure what to expect, but when the words "are you straight?" came out I realized that those words were clearly ones I had not expected. I said yes and she just responded with an "oh okay." and was on her way. I will admit I was wearing a pink shirt at that moment with a pink tie and matching cuff links, but I was also watching football. What was it about me that made her think I was gay?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO67pAlB3iRAikAMaOHyUrTzU0j72-hBI1qcpYfwAsGNqbLwFcyY1A6agu3v6ZVqDUdlppdzalagMNRTgsOg0UBlDUlNa4_p99WHGg2N32XY77RReHmm8Sb5575dXDaHmn-WEWmwenh-c/s1600/photo+(5).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO67pAlB3iRAikAMaOHyUrTzU0j72-hBI1qcpYfwAsGNqbLwFcyY1A6agu3v6ZVqDUdlppdzalagMNRTgsOg0UBlDUlNa4_p99WHGg2N32XY77RReHmm8Sb5575dXDaHmn-WEWmwenh-c/s320/photo+(5).JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
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Other ladies have also joked about it when I mention any of the things I listed above. I think I have figured out why the question comes up from time to time. It is because ladies can't believe that a man like me is still on the market. Well ladies you can bet your britches I am, and I like it that way.<br />
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<b>Coombsy faces his Delilah</b><br />
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Many of you know that Coombsy loves basketball almost as much as he loves sleeping, and that is saying something. If he is ever late (he is always late) you can just assume that he fell asleep because his bed is "super comfy". I prefer to believe that it is because he has mono. Back to the original point... He loves basketball and actively seeks to play in as many games as possible. Who can blame him? He has a competitive advantage over the rest of the field. I don't mean his height or his speed, but rather his hair.<br />
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Let me set the scene. Image Coombsy is driving down the lane. You look down at the ball in his hand and then back up to his face. As he moves his hair starts to flow and you find yourself entranced. There is nothing you can do but stare and the graceful way it bounces to and fro. As you are watching the hair Coombsy has made his move past you and is now about to score an easy basket. You think about pushing him midair, but you don't want others to judge you as a poor sport so you let it happen. That is what happens when you play Coombsy for the first 50 or so times. I have finally built up immunity, but it takes time.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2tgdho4KK0kgXtfFucJZahed_jYYCe4CGfwRJlGm6fc29mSH1eISRnlIetGYP5esZslRA4rM_rVSY3nbVaC3E4He3EQ-xGMtqF8HrFBhf-vnmfJoO8kpzwodEGH9Kclakjli7cx2eCE8/s1600/photo+(6).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2tgdho4KK0kgXtfFucJZahed_jYYCe4CGfwRJlGm6fc29mSH1eISRnlIetGYP5esZslRA4rM_rVSY3nbVaC3E4He3EQ-xGMtqF8HrFBhf-vnmfJoO8kpzwodEGH9Kclakjli7cx2eCE8/s320/photo+(6).JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Imagine those locks bouncing at you. You are helpless!</td></tr>
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For a while things were going along great for Coombsy and his hair. He played ball and played it well. He even made the transition over to dreadlocks and it worked for him. As with many men, when things were going well he went and got himself a girlfriend. She was (is) a nice girl and they had good times together. Sadly this woman would turn out to be his Delilah.<br />
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I am sure you all remember the story of Sampson. He was a man of incredible strength, but that strength depended on him not cutting his hair. As was wise to do Sampson didn't let the secret get out. He kept it close to his chest. He would have been fine except for a woman who decided that Sampson needed to go. She kept poking around asking him what his weakness was (and trying to trap him using that secret) until finally he gave in and told her the real deal. She took that knowledge and shaved him up and he ended up blind and in prison. It is a sad tale but it just is there to teach us that women are capable of making men to dumb things, especially when it comes to hair.<br />
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For some reason this lady friend decided that Coombsy would look better with short hair so she used her feminine wiles to get him to cut off his luxurious locks. Coombsy having been taken by the charms of a woman (they are quite powerful) did as he was told and ended up with a shorn scalp. That move cost him much more than hair in the end.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp2phbZC1ddrNzn3YN0vm3jjiUGCSQXaZ4HeGc6ar7GHMD9zULzNaIjbhZJNClK7voKIe8LvTfJwWhWdG-pS8psa_RhBcMTrPTrt2-6BXqyuaUwqH-U3-lVGCMFzALBT7Nmgj-PT_AxAQ/s1600/coombsy+change.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp2phbZC1ddrNzn3YN0vm3jjiUGCSQXaZ4HeGc6ar7GHMD9zULzNaIjbhZJNClK7voKIe8LvTfJwWhWdG-pS8psa_RhBcMTrPTrt2-6BXqyuaUwqH-U3-lVGCMFzALBT7Nmgj-PT_AxAQ/s320/coombsy+change.bmp" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He went from Casanova to Mario in moments. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Without his hair he lost his edge in basketball. Anyone could guard the new Coombsy. The first game out I had three blocks on him and I looked like an all-star. It is a sad tale, but let it stand as a lesson to you women out there. If you date Coombsy and ask him to cut his hair you are asking more than you can possibly imagine.<br />
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<b>All the women want to marry Danny</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
For some reason Danny is a lady magnet. I mean who would have ever thought that a ginger of middling height would be so sought after? Okay fine there are a lot of reasons. He is a great guy and fun to be a round. I think it might be the childlike sense of wonder (or Peter Pan-edness if you prefer) that people enjoy. This has had some consequences in the past.<br />
<br />
I won't delve too deeply or say too much, but there have been at least three clear cases of women going bananas for a taste of that sweet ginger. They didn't just want him for a moment, they wanted him for life. Unfortunately for them Danny was not looking for the same thing and it ended up getting pretty ugly.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp2j2Yt-YdaosJtjH1d0h53SCE_2XcNITO18nbNeEOpnlK_06o-YeHAzOqt7NX0AmvMiyTRJ3uOmjVh1Cxv3lWh86kKTKmSGhXHUAQeO2WG7M8Bg5ayRKJ6wzkD-DY6_i8zGYJRp-F7Yk/s1600/photo+(8).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp2j2Yt-YdaosJtjH1d0h53SCE_2XcNITO18nbNeEOpnlK_06o-YeHAzOqt7NX0AmvMiyTRJ3uOmjVh1Cxv3lWh86kKTKmSGhXHUAQeO2WG7M8Bg5ayRKJ6wzkD-DY6_i8zGYJRp-F7Yk/s320/photo+(8).JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That face just screams "Marry ME!!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Now that I think about it that really isn't a reason why we shouldn't trust women. It seems more like a reason why women shouldn't trust us. Oh no... Umm please ignore that part. PS congrats to Kailey for finally taming this man.<br />
<br />
<b>Women love to hate our movies</b><br />
<br />
We love to watch movies. It is how we pass most of our time, and we will not apologize for it. For the most part you know that is what we are going to be doing and so there is no reason to be surprised. You have entered this world of your own free will and choice so therefore you should not be allowed to complain heartily about what you were forced to watch. Do I complain when I have been out shoe shopping for five hours? No I do not. Mainly because I make the choice beforehand not to go to something I will hate. If for some reason I do go I hold in my sad rage because I had a choice, and in the words of a wise old Templar "[I] ha[d] chosen poorly". I feel it should be same for the ladies. If they don't like the movie they should suffer in silence.<br />
<br />
As you can see the ladies have not always treated us as the soft delicate creatures we are. It has left us emotionally scarred and unable to trust (untrue). We will do our best to overcome this because, dag nabbit, the world needs more Dukes.<br />
<br />
*For those of you counting you are correct in that there are actually only four reasons on this list. For weeks I tried to think of five and I failed. I guess the facts have been made clear. We are worse to the ladies than they are to us.<br />
<span id="goog_876290026"></span><span id="goog_876290027"></span>Intrepid Dukes of Lazinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09331306908846944000noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-14986706460883733322012-10-09T16:13:00.002-07:002012-10-09T16:13:13.318-07:00The Dukes See a Movie: Hotel Transylvania<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNEUooEta1s0npZ2iM-wkWaIBY1-G1mQqYAc3KAt_BKFSD09sYfbzS_32qbK9e_axDsFB9qyArzBqXYA7sJ4IPTHzAAX6ZUWAk725FHkeUUKkKRCmUECBNXdns_ReAUXHhocLOhF4LYLDK/s1600/hotel+trans.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNEUooEta1s0npZ2iM-wkWaIBY1-G1mQqYAc3KAt_BKFSD09sYfbzS_32qbK9e_axDsFB9qyArzBqXYA7sJ4IPTHzAAX6ZUWAk725FHkeUUKkKRCmUECBNXdns_ReAUXHhocLOhF4LYLDK/s1600/hotel+trans.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />
Adam Sandler has not had the best of luck movie-wise lately. He has put out such gems as That's My Boy, Jack and Jill, and Grown Ups and that only takes us back to 2010. I guess he had fallen under the curse that can come from being successful. When you do something well people will give you freer reign. As time moves on you get more and more freedom until you are answering to no one so there isn't anyone to tell you if something is stupid or a bad idea. The same thing happened to M. Night Shamalan. In the beginning his movies were good, but by the end he was the writer, director and producer for his movie The Happening and it was awful, straight up garbage. We need to have someone look at our work and give us another point of view or else we are doomed to have some mistakes. With this in mind I was wary of seeing this movie. Adam Sandler has had too much freedom and I really just hoped that this wasn't the case in this film.<br />
<br />
As the film started I as struck by the visuals more than anything. The animators had done quite the job making the film look polished and more believable. I have to hand it to Sony Pictures Animation, they have put out a few quality movies in their short history. I enjoyed Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and also The Pirates! Band of Misfits.<br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiK6GayJbcjF8nVpT3V7Mw4ktDE8CCS6OA_0GUYcbS4cLGLWBxpYWHRr31yfvs7MaFYZKAvgEr_4fkyKq_VHY5vzDVLIb-XDT7W1wAcpufrMMIP710Va9BzZJTRZc5gS-k61YfbD7Mwaa3/s1600/segway.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiK6GayJbcjF8nVpT3V7Mw4ktDE8CCS6OA_0GUYcbS4cLGLWBxpYWHRr31yfvs7MaFYZKAvgEr_4fkyKq_VHY5vzDVLIb-XDT7W1wAcpufrMMIP710Va9BzZJTRZc5gS-k61YfbD7Mwaa3/s1600/segway.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">I didn't have a good segue so...segway!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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To start the movie out we see Count Dracula taking care of his baby girl. We find out that his wife was taken from them and so he wanted to make a place for his daughter that would be safe. He decides that this place should be a haven for all monsters so he builds a giant hotel that should be far out of the reach of all humans. If you haven't guessed the plot of the rest of the movie yet shame on you. As the daughter gets older she feels confined and wants to explore the world. The dad is overly protective and wants her to stay no matter what. To top it off a human manages to show up right in time to mess with the birthday party!<br />
<br />
With the concept of this movie I felt there was so much more that they could have done to make it not just decent, but excellent. While this movie followed very common plot lines I still enjoyed it for the most part. I guess the movie did have some good morals for us to learn like not judging people before you know them. So I guess I learned to avoid prejudice or something. I will have to admit that Shrek did a better job at broaching that subject but oh well.<br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyi_3s-Iy_fwcQZwtWfexE3V-OIX0vhPfu26hVc3On_rQ0i1lnmdGAWa_QNMcezb6sKyRX9HdOT32XoyDShgn_ZqddCcdAcmILjfNE0V6SAetMJoTD8F3cGUaco410KNwdNJ1T3Cd9HAcr/s1600/shrek.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyi_3s-Iy_fwcQZwtWfexE3V-OIX0vhPfu26hVc3On_rQ0i1lnmdGAWa_QNMcezb6sKyRX9HdOT32XoyDShgn_ZqddCcdAcmILjfNE0V6SAetMJoTD8F3cGUaco410KNwdNJ1T3Cd9HAcr/s1600/shrek.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">A better movie than the one I am writing about.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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If my post feels a bit disjointed and rambly(new word) that is because I have been super bored writing this review. If I don't love it or hate it I just can't get any good emotion going. Maybe if I think about awesome things...no that just makes me sad because I am doing this and not taming a panda dragon. Maybe if I think about things that make me sad or angry...ZAC SMASH!! ...that was a terrible plan! Now my shirt is all in tatters and this student center cleanup is going to be a doozy. I blame you Hotel Transylvania for not being good or bad enough to write about!<br />
<br />
So if you have nothing better to do go ahead and see this movie, although I will warn you that Adam Sandler does have a brief moment where he raps. Not cool Sandler, not cool.<br />
<br />
Rating: 2.5 Stars<br />
Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-28463508409120368612012-09-26T15:26:00.000-07:002012-09-26T15:26:41.890-07:00The Dukes See a Movie: Dredd 3D<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVg_7TQ9HGwgCVn9x-muxdMvWu-y4-gfPf55oKIfpTyO2fPW_F81l_iAjuc6_jtbaTqJoQJWtl6C6LtSwP7CSzI-vRrMRwLGFAYoPxvnjoIu867DBfkIUJI8OlItBwF43Psg_-JtUfKCCH/s1600/dredd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVg_7TQ9HGwgCVn9x-muxdMvWu-y4-gfPf55oKIfpTyO2fPW_F81l_iAjuc6_jtbaTqJoQJWtl6C6LtSwP7CSzI-vRrMRwLGFAYoPxvnjoIu867DBfkIUJI8OlItBwF43Psg_-JtUfKCCH/s1600/dredd.jpg" /></a></div>
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"I am the law." Never has there been a one line tag line that has encompassed the feel of an entire movie better that this one does. Dredd takes place in a future in which the world has been devastated by nuclear war and the country is a wasteland. The entire American population of 800 million is living inside a mega city that stretches from Boston to Washington DC (aptly named Mega City 1). The skyline is dominated by super skyscrapers, hundreds of stories high that are surrounding by the crumbling ruins of the old cities.<br />
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It is in this city that we find Judge Dredd. He works for the Hall of Justice as, you guessed it, a judge. It this cramped society, crime was running rampant and the old judicial system did not have the ability to keep order. So as a solution they streamlined the entire process. Now, the men and women of the Hall of Justice act as police, judge, jury and, if the judgment demands it, executioner. In this society Dredd is in fact "the law", and if I were in his shoes I would like saying it as well.<br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0exOOlUObrMVn55datCH8PrzD1uOfEYEM3Udpl9RcYW9WZVy0bZeP5emrjlmqkHdbxdeqkp4pDEa6EQI7DeFNRXFz5Hg-Waglof9U_F59mThyphenhyphenTUBp6e0jrjdkRQrtTc4tsgWt7_yEMZtt/s1600/I+am+the+law.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0exOOlUObrMVn55datCH8PrzD1uOfEYEM3Udpl9RcYW9WZVy0bZeP5emrjlmqkHdbxdeqkp4pDEa6EQI7DeFNRXFz5Hg-Waglof9U_F59mThyphenhyphenTUBp6e0jrjdkRQrtTc4tsgWt7_yEMZtt/s1600/I+am+the+law.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Yeah you are!</td></tr>
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This movie is another in a long line of comic book adaptations and movie remakes. The character got his start in the late seventies in Great Britain in a serial called 2000 AD. He has been a super popular character for years over there and has had some struggles crossing over here. A major issue was with the 1995 film adaptation, Judge Dredd with Sylvester Stallone. It was a terrible movie, but to be completely honest if it is late at night and I see it on demand I will watch it and I will enjoy it, nothing will ever change that.<br />
<br />
Many fans of the comic were upset by the movie because they took away the best parts of the character and decided to add some random character development. In the comics you never see Dredd's face. It was started as an unofficial guideline, but ended up being put down as an official rule for the artists to follow. The creator John Wagner explained it this way. "It sums up the facelessness of justice- justice has no soul. So it isn't necessary to see Dredd's face, and I don't want you to." The first movie failed in that regard a ton. You see Stallone's face all over the place. If you really want an example I can show you a picture. I am warning you it isn't pretty.<br />
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Well if you are sure...<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHifbIg6xmgMXWsie5znDukV6L11wU9z2Z2IFD7ffCEYMRds_sK4okDz8xENCFLW2HKUfZ0_Qq5CImSCrfMguGqt-TUCeNr4GMeOBYoqvqm1CpUaYrrklhabuEaUNEXf2alatoVmBTMlgD/s1600/stallone+dredd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHifbIg6xmgMXWsie5znDukV6L11wU9z2Z2IFD7ffCEYMRds_sK4okDz8xENCFLW2HKUfZ0_Qq5CImSCrfMguGqt-TUCeNr4GMeOBYoqvqm1CpUaYrrklhabuEaUNEXf2alatoVmBTMlgD/s1600/stallone+dredd.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">He had this look on his face the entire time.</td></tr>
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The best part is that he wore blue contacts for the role when in the comics they don't even know the color of his eyes so his normal brown eyes would have been just fine. Silly Hollywood. I guess enough time (17 years seems like enough) had passed and the powers that be felt a remake would be a good thing, and I find myself agreeing with them.<br />
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In this version the titular character is played by Karl Urban. You might remember him from his role in RED or his role as Bones in the new Star Trek movie. His chiseled jaw and even stubble made him a great person for a role that would require him to cover everything but his mouth and chin.<br />
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As the movie starts Dredd is tasked with taking a new recruit out into the field for a final exam. The recruit is a young mutant psychic. They are out on a normal case when it takes a turn towards mayhem. The building defenses go up and the two judges are forced to fight their way up the building. For those of you that say it is just like The Raid you are wrong and should feel bad for being wrong.<br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqNXP27sx_mHXCX9fARUuwUSsgeUTI6nryC8e6RxZU2PFb3I5yykdLrjsFaj_KJ0FweF2rCP5mhh2DJH0Ct7uQfa79UhPiX4Jg6KYcdoz8DyK7YM7Ti0_PNfm571o7HMwTBzvEiPGIYdHf/s1600/wrong+zoidberg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqNXP27sx_mHXCX9fARUuwUSsgeUTI6nryC8e6RxZU2PFb3I5yykdLrjsFaj_KJ0FweF2rCP5mhh2DJH0Ct7uQfa79UhPiX4Jg6KYcdoz8DyK7YM7Ti0_PNfm571o7HMwTBzvEiPGIYdHf/s1600/wrong+zoidberg.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">See even Zoidberg agrees with me.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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For having a fairly limited budget by today's standards I thought they did a good job with the special effects. The movie uses the popular time slow down technique, but they actually come up with a reason as to why it is being used. Having that logic in there made me happy. Urban does a great job being the stalwart no-nonsense judge. He doesn't convey many emotions because he isn't conflicted by who he is and what he is doing. If you have nothing against violent images and you want to see a good shoot 'em up movie I would recommend this one. Also I would like to leave you with this message.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYqf6hAQRM0v6UnSUy-pIIko-2fGTIHvVN9zA9CB5ovmZlEHbHbxjjy3PBXKeLfg5azQzH-J7K5Bdk1-gdElAdWxBILE60fORq6O8_2u9b41Nx5FhIWja-4aL0zWMAs8aoAqA_oEvzD6CB/s1600/I+am+the+law+t-shirt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYqf6hAQRM0v6UnSUy-pIIko-2fGTIHvVN9zA9CB5ovmZlEHbHbxjjy3PBXKeLfg5azQzH-J7K5Bdk1-gdElAdWxBILE60fORq6O8_2u9b41Nx5FhIWja-4aL0zWMAs8aoAqA_oEvzD6CB/s1600/I+am+the+law+t-shirt.jpg" /></a></div>
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Rating: 4 stars<br />
Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-57767262250562780092012-09-18T16:03:00.002-07:002012-09-18T16:03:09.594-07:00The Dukes See a Movie: Resident Evil: Retribution<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqF8gwWzzLVfrN1WFCAUg3S-Q-t_JRcjFg4kUuFaq0TyDhEjLFGz7_RUinuMJ0wEhgr1cd_nrcOkg4XrG06rdT9kIZKGMyjAR681-3wHsskOmPKH_KzbN5Q5qhq-oyzxp1M_HqCbx92Ar9/s1600/resident+evil.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqF8gwWzzLVfrN1WFCAUg3S-Q-t_JRcjFg4kUuFaq0TyDhEjLFGz7_RUinuMJ0wEhgr1cd_nrcOkg4XrG06rdT9kIZKGMyjAR681-3wHsskOmPKH_KzbN5Q5qhq-oyzxp1M_HqCbx92Ar9/s1600/resident+evil.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;"><br /></td></tr>
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Well this was the reunion episode of the series. They were kinda tired from all the "writing" and they decided they would just reintroduce some of the old characters and creatures to make it easy, because writing new things is just too hard. I should have known what I was in for since the director clearly has a type of movie he loves to make. That type just happens to be crappy ones with lots of violence and nonexistent plots. I will give you a few examples here: Death Race, DOA Dead or Alive, The Three Musketeers (the crappy new one), Alien VS Predator, Mortal Combat (not terrible) and five Resident Evil films. I am sure there is a special place in Hell reserved for this man; Ricky claims it is right next to the man responsible for Skyline and I hope that for all eternity they are forced to watch each other's movies. Each moment of agony they suffer as they attempt to kill each other, without results since you can't murder corpses, is well deserved for the pain and suffering they have caused to me and my friends.<br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmg-lVktnzvMl_gAPNl88p7CpiPGo3mLnCap3zSBtf4Fgjh4ccXE3SRacE4JAZ-4dTYCd4EDnDAX6sFrjrYTpFeFb4eULKdEdwzjFcf-k_gSYhATviRv_dbkYBXXy4ROUVESfyuvR2og32/s1600/skyline+hell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="97" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmg-lVktnzvMl_gAPNl88p7CpiPGo3mLnCap3zSBtf4Fgjh4ccXE3SRacE4JAZ-4dTYCd4EDnDAX6sFrjrYTpFeFb4eULKdEdwzjFcf-k_gSYhATviRv_dbkYBXXy4ROUVESfyuvR2og32/s320/skyline+hell.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">This is the intro to my nightmares.</td></tr>
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As you already know there wasn't much of a plot so I will give you what I was thinking as the movie progressed.<br />
<br />
Movie starts: "Hey that intro was kinda cool."<br />
8 minutes in: "Oh look they are going to rescue Alice so they can get on with the rest of the story."<br />
15 minutes in: "This rescue will be ending shortly."<br />
35 minutes in: "Wow this rescue is taking longer than I thought."<br />
40 minutes in: "Are those zombie Nazis?'<br />
80 minutes in: "Hey look they are on the surface and Alice is fully rescued! Oh wait no she isn't. Stupid submarines."<br />
90 minutes in: "This looks awesome they finally have gathered together as the last remnants of humanity to fight the infected! The evil army outside is huge and awesome looking! This is going to be fantastic!"<br />
93 minutes in: "Wait those had better not be the credits. That cannot be the end of this! I got Skylined* again!"<br />
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*Skylined- To be Skylined is to be suckered into a movie with the promise of something decent. As the movie goes along you hate so many things about it, but at the end something happens that makes you think the movie might have found redemption. As you get your hopes up again and begin to believe anew the credits begin. It is the Rick roll of the movie world, but without the catchy song.<br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7-43qFlefqu5hyphenhyphenhEJHXHMlssGNFS-uM35m8ULy3kdFeC367CPKhvBSYulJ2a_hSOKz3TcV7D7ZM9si7SH2wqBJFapP9ux10FvE1ckAiUKGkCMDJ7orSnN0-jUPo4L1_SWscGhkF_bsE8e/s1600/rick+astley.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7-43qFlefqu5hyphenhyphenhEJHXHMlssGNFS-uM35m8ULy3kdFeC367CPKhvBSYulJ2a_hSOKz3TcV7D7ZM9si7SH2wqBJFapP9ux10FvE1ckAiUKGkCMDJ7orSnN0-jUPo4L1_SWscGhkF_bsE8e/s1600/rick+astley.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">You never should give them up Rick, never.</td></tr>
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I was so blown away that this had happened to me again that as the credits began to roll I began to laugh. Not a quiet gentle laugh, but one of those guffaws that come from deep in the belly. It was the only reaction that made sense to me at the time. I felt that if I didn't laugh I would be forced to rip up the row of seats we were on and use them to batter the screen until I collapsed in the shredded remains of the fabric, weeping for an end of terrible movies that I know will never come. The movie was a constant barrage of poor acting, poor writing and stupid one liners. The only redeeming quality of the movie was the fact that Milla Jovovich is an attractive lady and things got shot.<br />
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Don't see this movie. I don't care if you have nothing better to do. It is not worth dying a little more on the inside just to kill some time.<br />
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Rating: 1 Star<br />
Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-3538728629482834102012-09-15T08:08:00.001-07:002012-09-15T08:08:34.772-07:00The Dukes See a Movie: Lawless<br />
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Before I get into the movie review there is something I need to tell you. Now I want you to know that this has nothing to do with you, it is all me. If that sounds kind of like a breakup you are right, but you are wrong about the implication. Yes I am going to be spending some time other places and with some other blogs. Just because I am joining Spencer and Nathan on <a href="http://spitwads.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Spitwads</a> doesn't mean that I will care for this blog any less. I am still a Duke at heart and I want you to know that. Well that seems a little more melodramatic than I meant. The truth is the new blog is a blessing. It means that you all have access to more writers who happen to put together much better posts than I do. I will be posting the <a href="http://spitwads.blogspot.com/p/film-strippers_8315.html" target="_blank">movie reviews</a> in both places, but each one will also be getting original content in the form of my other random thoughts. I am sure that in time you will come to understand what I have done and forgive me. </div>
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Any movie based on a true story is subject to artistic license. In this case the movie is based on a book called "The Wettest County in the World". This book just happens to be written by one of the descendants of the Bondurant brothers and who in the world would try and paint a better picture of their ancestors? Now I am not going to say that he purposefully put them in a better light to look more like the Han Solo version of rebels (I totally am), but it seems like a bit of a stretch to say that "when the law became corrupt, outlaws became heroes." like it does on the movie poster. What are they the modern day version of Robin Hood and his band of Merry Men? They clearly were in it for their own profit and not to improve life of the community.<br />
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I was quite pleased with the casting of this movie for the most part. The only one I was worried about was Shia LaBeouf. He has always just come across as super whiny and just about the worst thing ever. In Transformers he seemed to feel entitled to everything because he had done something noble once. I helped an old lady across the street the other day and I don't think I deserve some huge reward or howdy do about it. Same thing goes for his characters in Wall Street (awful movie) and Indiana Jones (awfuler movie). In all honesty I miss the young LaBeouf from Holes. Why can't he be more like that?<br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqepLPhO9Cvh9BRe02Z0KiWHhGR2BmV72SdL6n03M9nnhyphenhyphenS-apLt4Kkqdqr8JtV0EUJpv0xAq0BfjErVs8IGC3UZ_5aDKAjjAPEL-nSLHefQZRR7n4CMsLMHJZkZJ3eZi8vThrVeDFGFT2/s1600/shia.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqepLPhO9Cvh9BRe02Z0KiWHhGR2BmV72SdL6n03M9nnhyphenhyphenS-apLt4Kkqdqr8JtV0EUJpv0xAq0BfjErVs8IGC3UZ_5aDKAjjAPEL-nSLHefQZRR7n4CMsLMHJZkZJ3eZi8vThrVeDFGFT2/s1600/shia.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">What do you know? Age IS related to douchiness in his case. </td></tr>
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I hold the rest of the cast in a much higher regard. I am a huge Tom Hardy fan and that made me super excited for this movie. The best news for me is that the filming for this took place at the same time as filming for The Dark Knight Rises so he was still all huge and bulky. We also were going to see Guy Pearce as a crazed lawman in from Chicago and Jessica Chastain as a former dancer looking for some quiet. Gary Oldman is a part of the cast as well, but he appears in the movie so briefly I think they just had an agreement that if they could use his name in the marketing they would throw fistfuls of money at him.<br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Qyum1dzGGd5ZRTFyEs3uxurUbEIBj3QCA6Nw5N81oJx-0NMoIoem8h1VFV6aBV5sXBBhCt0eqnbN2jGIIEyEh_OGdB8GXeya-m65BomWis6abfDrjtYJqaNuwH0l-fmAGnTRuUbuIiH0/s1600/money+stack.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Qyum1dzGGd5ZRTFyEs3uxurUbEIBj3QCA6Nw5N81oJx-0NMoIoem8h1VFV6aBV5sXBBhCt0eqnbN2jGIIEyEh_OGdB8GXeya-m65BomWis6abfDrjtYJqaNuwH0l-fmAGnTRuUbuIiH0/s1600/money+stack.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Ah the joys of being a name prostitute</td></tr>
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With all the cast in place I was hoping for a good story. As the movie starts we see the three Bondurant brothers working together as moonshine makers and small time bootleggers during the Prohibition Era. Shia is the youngest and whiniest brother (big surprise there). Tom is the middle brother, but he is in charge of the operation due to his levelheadedness and supposed invincibility. The oldest brother is a drunken brawler who at times is not dependable.<br />
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Things are going along just fine until a new deputy, who also happens to be an OCD sociopath, comes into town and demands that he and the other officials need a cut of the bootlegging profits or they will be shut down. That is a quite shady, but is it really surprising that someone would try to take advantage of people doing something illegal? Well that whole thing didn't make the non-murderable Bondurant very happy, and he made his feeling known.<br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigiJMLoY5k-N-6LOI3qoWBG3cBDxm5Kp8twnW36giUCM2crkFdX9X5nGgm8ojOyILgS62CXSURNXtjqrkUv7BTt5mQQzibTMtClv00CAxh5kPiSFtpDGGOQCzIG2T1JcIjSPORcrYpiC2K/s1600/tom+hardy+crazy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigiJMLoY5k-N-6LOI3qoWBG3cBDxm5Kp8twnW36giUCM2crkFdX9X5nGgm8ojOyILgS62CXSURNXtjqrkUv7BTt5mQQzibTMtClv00CAxh5kPiSFtpDGGOQCzIG2T1JcIjSPORcrYpiC2K/s1600/tom+hardy+crazy.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Kinda like this but outside and more old timey</td></tr>
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So the movie goes on and the two sides to battle and one comes out the victor. I enjoyed the movie overall, but there were a few places where I felt the story dragged a little. There were some very good action scenes and also some moments that made me laugh. There was even a scene that I swear took place near Hogwarts. If you were to guess what scene and you said the one where Harry has to face the dementors on a frozen lake you would be correct.<br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG6L-mFAZ4y03kR5R2HrvqoReRdPSMRjgxK7goikbLcNJjqds5l5MqGe4WKdcdIe8mun0hiVyGA_dVogoOkccSLHNHtO3NjBdqDKsYftbUpgJqhBgRsfaweP_BnG7CiFXs0AeisIq2Y4ir/s1600/harry+potter+lake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG6L-mFAZ4y03kR5R2HrvqoReRdPSMRjgxK7goikbLcNJjqds5l5MqGe4WKdcdIe8mun0hiVyGA_dVogoOkccSLHNHtO3NjBdqDKsYftbUpgJqhBgRsfaweP_BnG7CiFXs0AeisIq2Y4ir/s320/harry+potter+lake.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Still not 100% sure which movie this came from</td></tr>
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Rating 4 Stars<br />
Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-61710725843607638142012-09-06T17:48:00.000-07:002012-09-06T17:48:58.397-07:00The Dukes See a Movie: The Expendables 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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If a movie ever had a chance to give you chest hair this one would be in the top five for sure. Almost every actor in this movie could be considered a man's man and when you put them all together pure awesomeness in the form of violence is sure to come out. As you go down the casting list each name is as manly as the next. Just reading the names made it seem like a grizzly bear was riding a laser beam shooting Abraham Lincoln while holding an American flag. It is the sort of experience that can do nothing but pump you up. I case you don't believe me read some of the actors and a few things they have been in.<br />
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<ul>
<li>Sylvester Stallone- Rocky I-VI (or six hundred), Rambo I-IV (The Bloodening), Judge Dredd (he is the law!), Cliffhanger (who knew John Lithgow could play a villain?).</li>
<li>Jason Statham- Transporter I-III (watch how you drive after seeing these), Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and any other movie where they needed a tough street savvy British guy.</li>
<li>Jet Li- This man is a martial arts legend. All of you should watch these movies: Once Upon a Time in China I-III, Tai-Chi Master, Fist of Legend, The One, Hero, and the other 38 movies he has been in.</li>
<li>Dolph Lundgren- I have a soft spot in my heart for this giant Swede, partly because I too am a giant Swede. He was Drago in Rocky IV (he must break you), he was also He-Man in Masters of the Universe.</li>
<li>Chuck Norris- I don't know where to begin with this man. In his professional fighting career he fought for ten years and at the end he retired as undefeated Professional Full-Contact Middleweight Champion and was fighter of the year several times. Watch him in Lone Wolf McQuade, Way of the Dragon and Missing in Action I-III. Oh he was also the first westerner to ever be awarded with the 8th degree black belt in Tae Kwan Do.</li>
<li>Jean-Claude Van Damme- He has one of the greatest nicknames out there "The Muscles from Brussels". So many fighters out there would give up almost anything for a nickname like that. See him in Bloodsport (even though Bolo Yeung has the better pecs), Kickboxer, Lionheart, Universal Soldier and Street Fighter.</li>
<li>Bruce Willis- Die Hard I-IV (soon to add V: Die the Harderest) and any other role with a tough cop/retired military (The Fifth Element, The Siege, Hart's War, Tears of the Sun, Hostage, Sin City, and more).</li>
<li>Arnold Schwarzenegger- The former Mr. Universe became the go to guy for action movies. Everyone out there has heard at least one of his corny one liners, but most people haven't had the joy of seeing him in his first role as Hercules in Hercules in New York. It is so bad it is awesome, but only see it once. Other titles include: Conan the Barbarian and Destroyer, Terminator I-II (III didn't happen), Commando, Predator, Total Recall and a billion others.</li>
<li>Terry Crews- The really muscly guy in the new Old Spice Commercials. Maybe the Longest Yard can be put on here or I guess there is Terminator Salvation. He was in the NFL for about six years so that counts maybe. I think they felt they needed a black action star and I guess they didn't want Fred Williamson which saddens me. I like Terry Crews but we could have had Black Caesar.</li>
<li> Randy Couture- MMA legend. First champion to hold belts in two weight classes in the UFC.</li>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5FIOm5_UKlF_mR-BWWuHMTCZiNXqGCca5549WqMxM__PNN1R8LC0M-EX8WHcfqO05ZVD8GOpXLrZWD7ZVSp_YiRjJoKXtjFDlF-elMHpw1az7WIW0rEUo0DiQHWDY3dlwCgnCxMdtelY/s1600/bear+lincoln.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5FIOm5_UKlF_mR-BWWuHMTCZiNXqGCca5549WqMxM__PNN1R8LC0M-EX8WHcfqO05ZVD8GOpXLrZWD7ZVSp_YiRjJoKXtjFDlF-elMHpw1az7WIW0rEUo0DiQHWDY3dlwCgnCxMdtelY/s320/bear+lincoln.jpeg" width="201" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You see it too don't you?</td></tr>
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Just reading over the previous part almost gave me a black eye. Now for the actual review. The first Expendables movie was just one large pile of action that they tried to claim had a plot because you saw Mickey Rourke cry. This one didn't try to put together a plot with actual character development so that made it much better. I was not going into this looking for a story. I wanted random violence and explosions and boy did it deliver.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWnTtsmcx0XfCPJTnHld3GtGeZjM9v8bDcFlMzotjmZWLJnK-q5DG_33hjNHApgNbJKe5OkDzPphezGMAFJUt7e9XblV-_mJdaty_1rUbZvL68_wzkRX-pfqQXt36VufYLw9fzdEDRBEw/s1600/explosion.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWnTtsmcx0XfCPJTnHld3GtGeZjM9v8bDcFlMzotjmZWLJnK-q5DG_33hjNHApgNbJKe5OkDzPphezGMAFJUt7e9XblV-_mJdaty_1rUbZvL68_wzkRX-pfqQXt36VufYLw9fzdEDRBEw/s1600/explosion.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Imagine this for 103 minutes</td></tr>
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The best part is that no one took it too seriously. For example Chuck Norris made a Chuck Norris joke about himself and several of his old movies were referenced. When he first shows up on screen they say "hey we heard that you had been bitten by a cobra" Chuck responds back with "yeah I was. After five days of excruciating pain the cobra died." That is classic. Dolph Lundgren gets in on the self-ridicule when they make a remark that his character has an advanced degree in chemical engineering and that he left his Fulbright scholarship to MIT to be a bouncer to impress a girl. The truth is that in real life he does have a master's degree in chemical engineering but he left MIT to be a bodyguard for his girlfriend at the time. There also is a part where Arnold says "I'll be back" and Bruce says "you've been back enough I'll be back" to which Arnold responds "Yippee Ki Yay". During that same scene the two of them steal a Smart car and make fun of it and rip off the doors. That is now one of my life goals.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqhXHd9VK1v8V3lBGZCOcVmxP-fcGjUUtvmH3RP8PDURAU8IVFqYzJuxCPeLgHa82CjucXhqrAnGNc6x0ze-Lo9hKLfMRU4uRj0AAUjKUsmB-RlONR8E5-i2pLmAgSwBTv0r_A8Nrgd9Q/s1600/smart+car.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqhXHd9VK1v8V3lBGZCOcVmxP-fcGjUUtvmH3RP8PDURAU8IVFqYzJuxCPeLgHa82CjucXhqrAnGNc6x0ze-Lo9hKLfMRU4uRj0AAUjKUsmB-RlONR8E5-i2pLmAgSwBTv0r_A8Nrgd9Q/s1600/smart+car.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This will happen!</td></tr>
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I won't go into the plot very much because there isn't much of one and really who cares. All I will say is the bad guy is Jean-Claude Van Damme and he does a spinning jump kick to Stallone's face. Twice. The actors are also in really good shape for being the age of many retirees in this country. I hope I can have those muscles when I am that age. Maybe if I watch this movie enough the manliness will rub off and I will succeed in that goal. A guy can dream at least.<br />
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Rating 3.75 stars.<br />
<br />Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-85253365159444536542012-08-29T19:30:00.000-07:002012-08-29T19:30:58.036-07:00The Dukes See a Movie: The Campaign<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYhVBgWldCbVjAvB6kl6zp76J0YG5oT64RqlwTBSku8pNDgQiwmRvce3_HKsrte0uSXGxKeEWFomJ9f-JWN-3K74aMxSjE7QucdYpUOtN3XexrYA_2dEa_-vlbYc2UGZ10f0uUgy-XyQc/s1600/campaign.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYhVBgWldCbVjAvB6kl6zp76J0YG5oT64RqlwTBSku8pNDgQiwmRvce3_HKsrte0uSXGxKeEWFomJ9f-JWN-3K74aMxSjE7QucdYpUOtN3XexrYA_2dEa_-vlbYc2UGZ10f0uUgy-XyQc/s1600/campaign.jpg" /></a></div>
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This movie is one that I was not quite sure about. As I get older I seem to become more jaded about the political system. The smear campaigns, the whisper campaigns and the focus on facts that have nothing to do with the political office cheapen the process. It has gotten to the point that we are aren't voting based on policy, but strictly on who we think beats fewer baby seals and who isn't secretly a Satanist. It is ridiculous and because of this I didn't know how I would handle this movie, and its theme of dirty campaigning.<br />
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I also was a little worried because Will Ferrell's movies can be hit and miss. He enjoys the crude humor, but at times it goes too far for my tastes. It also stars Zach Galifianakis who can be quite funny at times. I was freaked out by the lack of beard since he has had it forever. It might be because I feel betrayed when people shave, it also could be the fact that people trust guys with beards (actual study this time not random nonsense spawned from my mind).<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf5Z90VS2B5dnh-2AI8ME0b1thdbhGkgsBNwIoIRmOKsb6FLBmpZLOCZxFJj7rajMrKYkz2Gbrt9tuR6SUHOKGrBIA3gxgVTZnle5KTRLmhLR7PXn-y9-zhyphenhyphenrYh3EwhyphenhyphenMOLNyCSlOZpFsB/s1600/beard.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf5Z90VS2B5dnh-2AI8ME0b1thdbhGkgsBNwIoIRmOKsb6FLBmpZLOCZxFJj7rajMrKYkz2Gbrt9tuR6SUHOKGrBIA3gxgVTZnle5KTRLmhLR7PXn-y9-zhyphenhyphenrYh3EwhyphenhyphenMOLNyCSlOZpFsB/s320/beard.jpeg" width="236" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You can't help but trust that face.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
So feeling betrayed and confused by both the actors on screen and country I live in I went to see this movie.<br />
<br />
The End<br />
<br />
No seriously nothing much stood out to me about this film. It had its funny moments, but they weren't so amazing that I can still quote the lines for hours (or even minutes). The acting was decent, but it didn't stand out. The best role for me was that of Dylan McDermott. He plays a soulless campaign manager who during the race switches sides. Having seen him recently in the show American Horror Story (which was pretty awesome) I was glad to see him branch out and succeed.<br />
<br />
Two screen legends also had roles in this movie as the Koch brothers...oh wait I mean the Motch brothers. Dan Aykroyd and John Lithgow are uninspired in their roles as two devious rich brothers who use their wealth to manipulate the political system for their advantage. They are blatantly based on the Koch brothers, who for good reasons were none too pleased with the portrayal.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3WgeNSqP4TWuQJrXwDGrLoNq-MGcIVhogBl3TDnd7ziuzeRQhZbsdseHGT2a6U1_grrLxtLlKfC6lrlmzrBVfhU-6PUvL5MnaHQ85rDKn1DilQy3IpwNC7B4RpInr0jDkatRhov-oeNrs/s1600/koch.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3WgeNSqP4TWuQJrXwDGrLoNq-MGcIVhogBl3TDnd7ziuzeRQhZbsdseHGT2a6U1_grrLxtLlKfC6lrlmzrBVfhU-6PUvL5MnaHQ85rDKn1DilQy3IpwNC7B4RpInr0jDkatRhov-oeNrs/s1600/koch.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">According to the Internet they also eat babies and might be cthulhu.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
In the end I didn't hate the movie but I can't think of a ton to say for it. If you pass a redbox and want a movie you might as well get this one. Although if you only want to see one rated R comedy this year I would say skip this and go see Ted instead.<br />
<br />
Rating: 2.5 StarsZachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-71813485368799733442012-08-23T17:51:00.001-07:002012-08-25T07:02:22.566-07:00The Dukes See a Movie: Total Recall<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEdjMsUe58n4JSwTsQyUNK2P8-dJRYB-K6iJ5oM8zaKgQKUlQHwKsTfy_0zhgW8qLlG0AC1JmoAcA7hDN6ourOZhGQAFgd3eEwGUPlvR7a0uQxX6L-qCRTHTbY7PtSeWePwMThIPb1LJk/s1600/total+recall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEdjMsUe58n4JSwTsQyUNK2P8-dJRYB-K6iJ5oM8zaKgQKUlQHwKsTfy_0zhgW8qLlG0AC1JmoAcA7hDN6ourOZhGQAFgd3eEwGUPlvR7a0uQxX6L-qCRTHTbY7PtSeWePwMThIPb1LJk/s1600/total+recall.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
It is official; Hollywood has run out of original ideas. I had been gradually losing hope as we were faced with movie after movie that had been done before in some fashion, but this was the final straw. I am still not quite sure why this movie was remade. The original with Schwarzenegger was made a mere 22 years ago and has actually held up quite well. Sure some of the graphics could be better, but as a whole it isn't something that feels out of place now. The original had a budget of 65 million for goodness sakes. That was a ton of money for a movie and it shows in its production values.<br />
<br />
The original idea came from a story by Philip K. Dick called "We Can Remember It For You Wholesale". This is actually the second movie adaptation from a Philip K. Dick story that Colin Farrell has fielded. As you may or may not know the first was Minority Report, which incidentally was originally planned as a sequel to the 1990 Total Recall. They had to scrap those plans because the company that held the rights to Total Recall refused to give them up. Once again my love for random trivia shines through. You are welcome, maybe?<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiVQ5NDcHMnQxDEEs3Pp-govkb4dW4VRoYmI5so9-ZkPwewp75nrqZCerxeMXtNJMuePSOhL7X_KexIyBC2JPyG0JlUKvY9X6UxLGPWO5LSdZnFp0l3PFMTS6nuTM1ImH8YiHX43IZPvtC/s1600/trivia.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiVQ5NDcHMnQxDEEs3Pp-govkb4dW4VRoYmI5so9-ZkPwewp75nrqZCerxeMXtNJMuePSOhL7X_KexIyBC2JPyG0JlUKvY9X6UxLGPWO5LSdZnFp0l3PFMTS6nuTM1ImH8YiHX43IZPvtC/s1600/trivia.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My unofficial nickname that no one has even heard of or ever used.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
As the story starts we see Douglas Quaid (in the first draft his name was Douglas Quail. His name was changed due to the fact that the original was being filmed during the Bush administration and his VP was named Dan Quayle.) trudging along as a factory worker. He seems to feel like something is missing, even though he has a super loving attractive wife and good friends. He lives in a place called the Colony and they are considered inferior to the people living in the Republic of New Britain or something like that (the original is on Mars).It an attempt to seek what he is missing he goes in for a procedure to implant fake memories in his mind.<br />
<br />
As they are starting the procedure something goes wrong and the machine is unhooked and a large group of soldiers come in and attempt to subdue him. From there a lot of running and escaping happens.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBbVh-TolIiRXtJL_0h-GHXq_j6J-uLCO4821BmD8Sj19lazHCNsPm7lcF0JurFMLLq_48CgDYd5eTA34FbNDi7ryhv83CJ8X5oUBvJSQywlqAvuhy-8v6ketfL-cw__NJ2G3e-bfEklS1/s1600/arnold+face.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBbVh-TolIiRXtJL_0h-GHXq_j6J-uLCO4821BmD8Sj19lazHCNsPm7lcF0JurFMLLq_48CgDYd5eTA34FbNDi7ryhv83CJ8X5oUBvJSQywlqAvuhy-8v6ketfL-cw__NJ2G3e-bfEklS1/s1600/arnold+face.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">But sadly there isn't any of this.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I think it does not bode well for the movie when I am rooting for the villains, but come on they made that choice super hard. The supposed heroes are Colin Farrell and Jessica Biel whereas the bad guys are Bryan Cranston and Kate Beckinsale. I am sorry but the bad guys are much better actors and they are more likable in general. I would have been fine had the movie had ended with evil rising triumphant. I hadn't completely turned to the dark side though because I was also fine with the fact that good came out on top.<br />
<br />
In the end if you want to see a Total Recall movie and you can only watch one, make it the original. However if you have all the time in the world and you want to see both of them I won't be the one to tell you not to.<br />
<br />
Rating 2.75 stars<br />
<br />
*Update*<br />
<br />
I can't believe I forgot to mention my biggest beef with this movie which happens to be the science. For workers to get from one side of the world to the other they travel through the center of the Earth on a thing called the Fall. It is supposedly a just an object free falling from one side to the other. In the movie we are told that it takes 17 minutes to get from one side to the other. That would clearly not be the case. To make it in 17 minutes they would have to be traveling at an average speed over 28,000 miles per hour. It is not possible for it to average that speed from a free fall at least according to real science and not terrible movie science. Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-30153696584564446302012-08-20T21:03:00.000-07:002012-08-20T21:03:33.461-07:00The Dukes See a Movie: The Dark Knight Rises<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOXXZH5vpX94O3V6pkWZ6AHFalRtmGCFXjME89sMqXgDm45wsznAKxNpqOjI8i-5GZSze-_Z4Z9FOIpCOsgEK-TdF7470ynvN1yM4tfG0pl3olAzM9mgLmnm35HzYs0-K0vPucxjlkbBM/s1600/the+dark+knight+rises.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOXXZH5vpX94O3V6pkWZ6AHFalRtmGCFXjME89sMqXgDm45wsznAKxNpqOjI8i-5GZSze-_Z4Z9FOIpCOsgEK-TdF7470ynvN1yM4tfG0pl3olAzM9mgLmnm35HzYs0-K0vPucxjlkbBM/s1600/the+dark+knight+rises.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm Batman</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Batman!! Woo for Batman!! Yay for Christian Bale! Hooray for Christopher Nolan! Huzzah for life! As you can probably tell I have been super excited for this movie to come out. I loved the first two movies of the trilogy and I knew this one would find a place in my heart. As soon as the box office dust settled for the Dark Knight, speculation began as to who would be in the third installment and what characters they would play. I will have to admit I was heavily involved in such speculation myself. When it was announced that Tom Hardy was going to play Bane I will have to admit that I may have squealed like school girl. I am a Tom Hardy fan and have been since I saw him in Bronson. I knew he could bulk up to be the proper Bane and that he could also give him great depth of character. Both he and Christian Bale are very good at physically transforming for their roles.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCyn1VPGfsqj9h1Fn-yfgvGFeCzWMjaxaOQSZC-jTpXokTEe64i4CBZ8UceBzEeSXBFL_zIeZOB72V_Phs5Zp6AFHAGL88v4kKtfUqCrFliHArzD67oDzZDoDxvlpO6K2XmnmEO9n85y7s/s1600/tom+hardy.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCyn1VPGfsqj9h1Fn-yfgvGFeCzWMjaxaOQSZC-jTpXokTEe64i4CBZ8UceBzEeSXBFL_zIeZOB72V_Phs5Zp6AFHAGL88v4kKtfUqCrFliHArzD67oDzZDoDxvlpO6K2XmnmEO9n85y7s/s1600/tom+hardy.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I wish I had that dedication (and muscle tone).</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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The others that they announced just added to my excitement. I thought Anne Hathaway was a great choice to be the new catwoman and I love Joseph Gordon-Levitt. When it was announced that he would join the cast I had no idea what role he would play. A part of me thought that he might be Azrael. For those of you who don't know <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Azrael_%28comics%29">Azrael</a> was a comic book character that fills in for Batman when he gets his back broken by Bane. You can see why this was a tantalizing thought in my head. Bane was already cast and Nolan likes to make his films dark so it seemed like a good fit. It turns out I was wrong, but hey even I can't get them all right (or most of them).<br />
<br />
This movie actually caused quite the rift amongst the Dukes. Okay it was actually one Duke talking crazy and the rest of us trying to beat him down with words and logic. Ricky was sure that they were going to kill Batman in this movie. I knew that there was no way since Warner Bros wasn't about to kill a lucrative character no matter what the director wanted to do. I know in the comics he dies a few times, but he always was brought back in ridiculous ways like a<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lazarus_pit"> lazarus pit</a>. Nolan's films were too firmly footed in a gritty reality to have something so strangely fantastical and mystical like that to exist.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9kWqxfNA7czD1k0rgznaQ-mhGNfbtL6PYt8gZNRYNoQcp7N0zIHJkjvh-TMd9caI31TB7tz_nggg73z7CY3UVcRXYqcDab0A30_TzgPq1Rfj3u_KJL4Fo0-DMOXLP-CKKM4GaOWqb_a0h/s1600/adam+west.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9kWqxfNA7czD1k0rgznaQ-mhGNfbtL6PYt8gZNRYNoQcp7N0zIHJkjvh-TMd9caI31TB7tz_nggg73z7CY3UVcRXYqcDab0A30_TzgPq1Rfj3u_KJL4Fo0-DMOXLP-CKKM4GaOWqb_a0h/s1600/adam+west.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Although I could totally see it with this Batman. </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Our argument spanned the space of many months and a lot of innocent bystanders were dragged in. We would be at a restaurant bantering loudly and we would drag our server into the discussion. We even made our coworkers choose sides. It was quite the affair and I feel that I should apologize to some of them (but not Josh because he chose poorly and sided with Ricky, shame on you Josh.).<br />
<br />
So as you can see I had incredibly high hopes going into this movie. I loved the cast and the other movies that made up the trilogy. The only thing I didn't like was the fact that I had to wait for the movie to be released. To prepare I watched everything I could that related to this movie in some way including: Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, Inception, The Prestige, Newsies and several others.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf8cBVNhmnJF9y8ovm8fDrNmBCx9JQsZByc2zUu8crQkBS0SYQLnFCsrNJM__IiYw-f786cYw5POnLr-4nYqQa8eolJsNFNoXS5CLYUiK8LLB4bvmVJ6kc9qL7Tt5IRgOoP1lQdmRv9Q_z/s1600/batman+newsie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf8cBVNhmnJF9y8ovm8fDrNmBCx9JQsZByc2zUu8crQkBS0SYQLnFCsrNJM__IiYw-f786cYw5POnLr-4nYqQa8eolJsNFNoXS5CLYUiK8LLB4bvmVJ6kc9qL7Tt5IRgOoP1lQdmRv9Q_z/s320/batman+newsie.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">They may have ended up jumbling together in my mind.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
To not cheat those of you who haven't seen the movie I will refrain from adding spoilers (probably). The movie takes place eight years after the death of Harvey Dent. During those years Bruce Wayne has become a recluse and Batman has not been seen on the streets. Because of the Dent act that is in place the streets are the cleanest they have been in years, at least they appear to be. There is some unrest in the city and people (Anne Hathaway and Joseph Gordon-Levitt) attempt to get both Bruce Wayne and Batman back on the scene.<br />
<br />
Batman comes back and so does Bruce Wayne. While this is going on there is quite the plot to undermine Bruce Wayne's power and Bane enters the picture. I will stop with my telling of the plot and allow you to see it without anything given away. The story is great and the movie is well paced. It left us with quite the sense of completion and Nolan did not let us down at all. Tom Hardy somehow made me like him even more.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipzmbtahrw1bcTG6mjHUX3JftyEM4nO7dyjdTbbx_Rvy23eNVRCYGl1erjXpX-yvn9Y9n9-s3-a5YAZD5Yb-tlW2cEHICWcPY0vjIJVfunE77N0oxZX9db5FNoKvIa_uWZDtyywEZQz59l/s1600/photo(31).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipzmbtahrw1bcTG6mjHUX3JftyEM4nO7dyjdTbbx_Rvy23eNVRCYGl1erjXpX-yvn9Y9n9-s3-a5YAZD5Yb-tlW2cEHICWcPY0vjIJVfunE77N0oxZX9db5FNoKvIa_uWZDtyywEZQz59l/s320/photo(31).JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is on my desk right now.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I really enjoyed this movie and <span style="color: red;">*spoiler alert*</span> I totally beat Ricky in our argument! Take that good sir.<br />
<br />
Rating 5 starsZachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-10386545676982391692012-08-14T16:19:00.002-07:002012-08-14T16:19:47.860-07:00The Dukes See a Movie: The Amazing Spider-Man<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDHMbU2b50Cm-5qg9aGD8-VOP0TgdWsLAKVhnuZ2TI9u2RhZ_M47wtQNEgQA37L-XWBNsNUWN1k6VD_eEv9F_pxY7QV3XO-3wOCKBzAD5yu3dztXoU2J8yyXlKQD2X-n5CK8CriNdDbjY/s1600/spider+man.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDHMbU2b50Cm-5qg9aGD8-VOP0TgdWsLAKVhnuZ2TI9u2RhZ_M47wtQNEgQA37L-XWBNsNUWN1k6VD_eEv9F_pxY7QV3XO-3wOCKBzAD5yu3dztXoU2J8yyXlKQD2X-n5CK8CriNdDbjY/s1600/spider+man.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />
I have something I need to confess to you readers. I thought I had already done a review on this movie. I was going about life content knowing that I was only four movie reviews behind when in fact I was five behind, which turns out is one too many for me. I guess I can handle my laziness to a point, but the moment I get five movies back I feel it has gone too far. Since I thought I had already written this post it is going to be a tough one to write. Nobody likes having to do something over, unless you count having to redo a pie eating contest or something along those lines. Even though I never actually did any work on it my mind feels like it is being cheated and it isn't happy about it. So if you feel this review is subpar you can hush up because re-dos (even fake ones) are almost never as good as the original.<br />
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Hey look at that natural segue into discussing this reboot of a movie. Man I am good at this whole writing thing (source: not found). When I heard that they were rebooting Spider-Man a mere five years after Spider-Man 3 I shook my head in shame at the world that we live in. I will admit it I am quite the fan of Sam Raimi. He can partially be credited for giving the world Bruce Campbell and that makes you a hero in my book.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeUQUV6-1gJFweYAJqc9KykA8anxnRokMsteEWHm4a7z4RtD6UaRJOBO1eG7ed_fnazxomjyqS26bugl1pFCScoLl6S-8GAUkSbksk9RvuUJnbJ7KZvpvcyg-Rzpgb3x7TvHQKAmkX13WB/s1600/army+of+darkness.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeUQUV6-1gJFweYAJqc9KykA8anxnRokMsteEWHm4a7z4RtD6UaRJOBO1eG7ed_fnazxomjyqS26bugl1pFCScoLl6S-8GAUkSbksk9RvuUJnbJ7KZvpvcyg-Rzpgb3x7TvHQKAmkX13WB/s1600/army+of+darkness.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A hero I say!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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The Spider-Man movies that Sam Raimi created proved to the world that comic book movies did not have to be a joke. We don't count the third one because that wasn't his fault. They forced him to add more villains and to include a lot of the things that made the movie less than great (see: emo dancing). So with all of that in mind I didn't see why they felt it was necessary to remake the movie so soon. I mean there were talks of a Spider-Man 4 up until January of 2010.<br />
<br />
With everything I had learned leading up to this I couldn't help but compare the two. As per my usual I will give you my findings in bullet points. I will refer to each movie by their year of release.<br />
<ul>
<li>Casting- This one was kind of a tossup. In the original I loved J.K. Simmons as the editor of the Daily Bugle. I also like Willem Dafoe and James Franco, but I thought that the leads in the new film had greater chemistry. That is mainly a knock on Kirsten Dunst and her major unlikeability (I don't that I used a fake word). I also heart Emma Stone and Rhys Ifans from the new one. Winner 2012.</li>
<li>Directing- Sam Raimi has been given some flak because his trilogy seems cheesy in places, but if you look at the comics that makes sense. The comic books are incredibly cheesy, I mean you couldn't find cheesier dialogue if you tried (probably not true). He stays very faithful to the original story. On the other hand if you look at the job Marc Webb did I wouldn't call it bad, but I wouldn't call it great either. There was nothing truly memorable about what he did. It seemed like he just wanted to play it safe, which makes it hard for him to join the ranks of the great superhero directors like Joss Whedon and Christopher Nolan. Winner 2002 </li>
</ul>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR-MAXh0w3IIjI17iMfi5ECmwC1Vvxqao-pt48JdSHjNNXHY_Vj0quXvhd3cKq4_9Bb8zjzJmd7JMksTnsiuUBa8qFh5vocr8YVz9C70HIMhZS_NwBcDx0EGNXvHFtnGaX5E6Bcr1ueJNQ/s1600/directors.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR-MAXh0w3IIjI17iMfi5ECmwC1Vvxqao-pt48JdSHjNNXHY_Vj0quXvhd3cKq4_9Bb8zjzJmd7JMksTnsiuUBa8qFh5vocr8YVz9C70HIMhZS_NwBcDx0EGNXvHFtnGaX5E6Bcr1ueJNQ/s320/directors.bmp" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The real winners</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<ul>
<li>Are we sure I didn't already write this review? Everything I look up seems familiar like I have already done this. Have I jumped into a different dimension? One where I didn't finish the review? Sweet mercy that means I found the one time line with a lazier version of me. I didn't think such a thing was possible but I can see no other explanation for what is happening.</li>
<li>Sorry about that, time to get back to the review...I take that back I feel like the newer lazier me wouldn't so instead I will end with this comparison. 2002 budget 139 million. 2012 budget 230 million. 2002 worldwide gross 821 million. 2012 worldwide gross 552 million. Winner 2012</li>
</ul>
That gives the 2002 version the victory since it won 2-1 in arbitrary categories I picked out of thin air. That is what I call an airtight case for sure. So in the end I did enjoy the movie and I felt that for the most part it was well done. I think we all learned something today. We learned that I have a man crush on Bruce Campbell. Also that I should never write a review in my head twice because I will invariably never write anything about the actually story the second time through.<br />
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Rating 3.75 stars<br />
<br />Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-74065511339481751852012-08-11T08:11:00.001-07:002012-08-11T08:11:46.329-07:00The Dukes See a Movie: Ted<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Going in to this movie I did not know what to expect. I hoped it would be enjoyable because I am a fan of Mark Walhberg and Mila Kunis. I was a little worried as well because this was the first time Seth Macfarlane had ever made a movie, let alone a live action anything. It did have a few other things going for it as well like the supporting cast. Man was that a quality supporting cast. They had Joel McHale, Giovanni Ribisi, Patrick Warburton, Tom Skerritt (as himself) and Tom J. Jones (as himself). They had Flash Gordon in this movie playing himself. How awesome is that?!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Woo!! Tom Jones!! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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So in my mind I went in excited about the cast, but a little worried about everything else. The moment the movie started I could feel all my worries starting to slip away as I listened to the dulcet tones of Patrick Stewart as he said the follow line "Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more
powerful than a young boy's wish. Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache
helicopter has machine guns AND missiles. It is an unbelievably
impressive complement of weaponry, an absolute death machine." With that line the movie had appealed to the boy inside me and he had accepted their offering. So my adult self was pushed to the back, and was not allowed to participate in the viewing of this movie.<br />
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The movie starts out with a young boy who has no friends at all. For Christmas he gets a teddy bear and that night he wishes on a star that his bear were real. After the narrator mentions the power of wishes and helicopters we see the young John wake up and meet his recently life-infused bear. As you might suspect the boy freaks out as do his parents when they are introduced to this creature. Can you imagine what you would do if you saw a teddy bear and it spoke to you? Unless it was a teddy ruxpin bear I would attempt to destroy it so it couldn't eat my soul. That might just be me though. I saw a terrible show when I was a child about a possessed teddy bear and I have never been the same.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHlu6Na3P7t1JIl406HdVT10oHRO2DxigIzTKsCo8I7d_g_D37RZyQRTKM2O1EFUFlNXlEVUlufk30rQTEgX_aNXldmQ0ny_Y80wvqYVDAdMO3JNwzXidL1qiJ9nT68JgzySwdwGX3WlRX/s1600/evil+bear.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHlu6Na3P7t1JIl406HdVT10oHRO2DxigIzTKsCo8I7d_g_D37RZyQRTKM2O1EFUFlNXlEVUlufk30rQTEgX_aNXldmQ0ny_Y80wvqYVDAdMO3JNwzXidL1qiJ9nT68JgzySwdwGX3WlRX/s1600/evil+bear.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How I see all teddy bears.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Flash forward 26 years. John (Mark Wahlberg) and the bear Ted have both grown up. They still are best friends, but now they are adult slackers. They drink, smoke pot and watch TV most of the time (I think I should get a prize because I only do one of the three). John has been dating Lori (Mila Kunis) for the past four years. She is starting to get a little fed up with the lack of change in their relationship and she wants to take it to the next level, but she feels like that is impossible if John continues to spend all his free time with Ted.<br />
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In the end I really quite enjoyed this movie. This isn't the type of movie that makes you think (see above where I talk about the boy in me being in charge of the movie viewing). It doesn't have a lot of shocking twist and turns or important morals, but I did not expect it to. To best describe the movie it felt like Family Guy back when Seth Macfarlane still cared about it and wasn't in it just because Fox won't let anything popular die. You could tell that he put all of his creative energy in this project and it showed in the quality of the work. So if you do not mind crude humor this might be one for you, but if you have a higher moral code (good for you if you do) then this movie is a no go.<br />
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Rating 4 stars<br />Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-26113414147847954592012-07-30T17:31:00.001-07:002012-07-30T17:31:13.434-07:00Things That Slightly Annoy Me (better known as Things I Hate)Recently I have been in a great mood. I thought I had purged my soul of all my troubles through handy lists on this blog. I wandered through this world happy and carefree, not for a moment did I think that I would once again end up in this wallowing pit of torment and despair. A hellish place stoked by the fire of rage that burns and swells in my heart. It is while in this place that I begin to recall things in this life that have done me wrong and will continue to do me wrong until I have finally been placed in the cold ground for my eternal slumber. (Wow that was dark. To undo some of that somberness look at this emoticon crab. (\/)!_!(\/) ) So without further ado here are a few things that drive me to be mildly annoyed...I mean things I hate.<br />
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<u>Randomly Losing a Button</u><br />
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It might just be because I happened to lose a button 10 minutes ago but this really peeves me. Why are buttons so darn flimsy and poorly attached?! It is because the fashion industry has some nefarious plot afoot that involves slowly degrading the mental stability of all the people who wear shirts in an attempt to overthrow all the world powers so they can form a mega society called Pantsopolis? I say yes, that is the only reason I can see for flimsy buttons. Having reattached dozens of buttons to different articles of clothing I know that it isn't that hard to make sure they are firmly affixed so nothing else makes sense.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You know they are up to no good.</td></tr>
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<u>Hipsters</u><br />
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I don't know if it is just the strangely tight pants or the wool hats in summer but I hate hipsters with a passion. I think it has a lot to do with their attitude towards everything. Hipsters are people who often describe themselves as having liked something before it was cool. I disagree with this description though. Liking something before someone else doesn't make you a hipster. What makes you a hipster is thinking that because something has become popular or mainstream it has suddenly become less awesome.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Foe, thy name is hipster.</td></tr>
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I will admit that I have seen more movies than I can count (many of them foreign or indie films) and have read authors that many people have never read or even hear about. Does that make me a hipster? No it does not and if you say otherwise I will find you and we will have a nice discussion as to why you never want to be caught between Rock and Hard Place (those are the names I have given my arms). In this situation I could be only be considered a hipster if I said something along the lines of "I am not a fan of superhero movies these days because they are too mainstream. I only watch the ones that were made in the early nineties or before because I liked this type of movie before it was cool."<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I should be ashamed to admit I have seen all of these, but strangely I am not.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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So remember folks it is okay to like something before it is has gained popularity, but it is not okay to stop liking something just because other people are now fans. So to all of you mustache wearing, Pitchfork reading, Pabst Blue Ribbon drinking, lenseless glasses wearing, "I liked this before it was cool" saying jerks. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Do you even know what you look like in your man capris? You should do something because you like it, not because you think it will make you some sort of elitist. Also you should not do anything "ironically" because that makes no sense at all. I give you this warning so that you may change your ways. If you do not there will be a reckoning and a mighty hand of judgment shall surely find you.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6rQ2PHQEzQ-oxoChKzYsvZ0b74iJIDH4l3nCE1wWD8AVxiKqqsSPdR5-77WTzctErGmveKvfPBPHvpdv7V70K7k0mbBcHnHW90qqB3ggVR_fgc1_Wf5diFWg_8LNN5mdll-KDXecR7v1y/s1600/hipster.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6rQ2PHQEzQ-oxoChKzYsvZ0b74iJIDH4l3nCE1wWD8AVxiKqqsSPdR5-77WTzctErGmveKvfPBPHvpdv7V70K7k0mbBcHnHW90qqB3ggVR_fgc1_Wf5diFWg_8LNN5mdll-KDXecR7v1y/s1600/hipster.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Friends don't let friends become hipsters.</td></tr>
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<br />
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Things that mildly irritate
Ricky,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white;">
It’s kind of sad that my picture
is on top of this blog, but this feels like a guest post. I want to thank Zac
for keeping it going, he is a more committed man than I am (Ladies you’re
always whining about commitment, Zac is your man!). In regards to things that
irritate me I need to start with a new word that I created, that word is
fakangry. The word is pronounced by saying “fake angry” really quickly, while
trying to avoid sounding like your using the f-word, which even with my
language being as bad as it is remains too crass for me. Fakangry is exactly
what the pronunciation sounds like; it is a state of faking anger. I constantly
live in this state. I’m never really angry, I just enjoy yelling.</div>
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<br /></div>
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While the main portion of this
post is a list of things that irritates us, I’ve decided to add two things that
just get me all fakangry and that I really enjoy yelling at. Those two things
are Memphis, and relationships on televisions shows.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white;">
<u>Memphis:</u></div>
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHEvjp3p8UUhcfl9AtUVk8cu17AkqUP9A1mBwMz-1oXPXvIsoKtXSNAjLGJ0Nuy-hb41OydUyHFUD7j7x1VsB0MxPh053rRqZKB60n0rICwacom_X9Lh_UC-WySK8S32Uv5kgajrpCcgUV/s1600/memphis.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHEvjp3p8UUhcfl9AtUVk8cu17AkqUP9A1mBwMz-1oXPXvIsoKtXSNAjLGJ0Nuy-hb41OydUyHFUD7j7x1VsB0MxPh053rRqZKB60n0rICwacom_X9Lh_UC-WySK8S32Uv5kgajrpCcgUV/s1600/memphis.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How Memphis currently looks</td></tr>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white;">
I need to start by saying that
I’ve never been to Memphis, I’m sure it’s pretty city, the pictures I’ve burned
have been very beautiful, even before the fire took them. That being said I’ve
had the opportunity to speak with many people from Memphis, and without a
doubt, they are the most frustratingly irritating people with whom you can
speak. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s the water, maybe it’s the location, and the
weather could have an effect. I’m not really sure what it is to be honest, but
one thing that I can speak to with surety is that every time I have a
conversation with someone from Memphis it typically ends with me wanting to
reach through the phone, pull them to my location and then mercilessly beat
them to death with my magic teleporter phone which conveniently doubles
as a large blunt object.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white;">
Now I am fully aware that there
are idiots everywhere. I’m sure that too many whom I have had dealings with, <i>I</i>
am the idiot. Memphis though, Memphis seems to be the epicenter for idiocy. I’m
sure there are smart people there, but I cannot say how many because in my
opinion, anyone with enough brain cells to form the word ‘run’ would remove
themselves from Memphis as fast as humanly possible.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white;">
All I have to say is Memphis is
likely a beautiful town and I hope it burns to the freaking ground.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1f497d;"></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2YIDPYV65yBDnL2T-DmGA6K_63gXbJxyCI4V5rD-F5YBJ0VRvB3ei1_CLeOFhx8mAiVXqvsjV9rhG9YTk_JjR8ZtXqkDKGqawH1UDvUvSrICNfX5XKQOAQJfqEO486xz04cUgA49cYtgj/s1600/destroyed+city.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2YIDPYV65yBDnL2T-DmGA6K_63gXbJxyCI4V5rD-F5YBJ0VRvB3ei1_CLeOFhx8mAiVXqvsjV9rhG9YTk_JjR8ZtXqkDKGqawH1UDvUvSrICNfX5XKQOAQJfqEO486xz04cUgA49cYtgj/s400/destroyed+city.jpeg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How I wish Memphis looked</td></tr>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white;">
<u>Romantic Relationships on
Television shows:</u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white;">
We watch a lot of TV. I will
never deny this. I’ve seen more movies and TV shows than any person should, but
that’s how things go sometimes and there is nothing to do about it (if you
suggest go outside you’re wrong). One common thread through nearly every TV
show is the romantic plot line. All too often they introduce two characters who
we, as the audience, know are perfect for each other, but who take forever to
figure it out, if the ever do at all. A good example of this is Psych, one of
my preferred TV shows. The main character, Shawn Spencer and one of the
Detectives he typically works with, Juliet O’Hara, spend the first I don’t know
how many seasons (ask Zac[Zac here to say it was episode 10 of season 5 that they officially hooked up]) dancing around each other. One episode Shawn
is on the verge of confessing his undying love but then he sees her with
another man, in another Juliet is about to tell Shawn she wants to bear his
children, but then she gets kidnapped and so on and so forth until finally the
writers cannot fathom another way to plausibly keep the two separated and give
into our pleading that they be permitted to be together and make beautiful and
funny children.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiabBYLTloNKdOh-yBB62JazjteeLV4-QLJrcUlRxHl5nOOhP8kmFJdHepx-JJ9GTV-1rxlqEdMzUePXl9__7SYZabJinI5o32Hgt4RroeS0QBLPU92A6RSs6oEf020wrlwU2pvIBTCDlP-/s1600/shawn+and+juliet.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiabBYLTloNKdOh-yBB62JazjteeLV4-QLJrcUlRxHl5nOOhP8kmFJdHepx-JJ9GTV-1rxlqEdMzUePXl9__7SYZabJinI5o32Hgt4RroeS0QBLPU92A6RSs6oEf020wrlwU2pvIBTCDlP-/s1600/shawn+and+juliet.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">About damn time!</td></tr>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white;">
I understand the importance of
these relationships for the show. They make sense. They keep the viewer
coming back, hell they keep me coming back. That being said, they drive me
absolutely insane. Never do I yell more at a television set then when these
relationships are not functioning the way that I want them to function, because
everyone who knows me knows that how I want things to go is the best way for
them to go. Now reading back on this paragraph I see how this could be
construed as me being a woman, a fact that Coombsy will gleefully point out (if
he ever read the blog), but unfortunately for him, I know he feels the exact
same way about these relationships, because deep down, everyone does.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white;">
In the end these two things
don’t matter. They won’t matter in a year, a month, or a week. I’ll send this
email to Zac, he will post it, and I will forget about it. They really don’t
affect my life in any long term sense at all. Hell they don’t affect it in a
short term sense. Though if you want to see what I mean when I say fakangry,
mention either of this to me, then take cover because I will throw whatever is
in my immediate vicinity.</div>Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-81416086384668381722012-07-21T07:13:00.001-07:002012-07-21T07:13:35.836-07:00The Dukes See a Movie: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSwLtuzxO3N25EsZMISBDxu-Ai2Kcw-Ag_37u8WcocmjP6_ccpNg7OxW33GNVDhQzUl_dbRZzyt_JC3pnjbLkLfdLJbfw_ShEh-fxcV3VoZ6HOSbVZDScCziu2dkIy1mRWa7H67YFS58tr/s1600/abraham+lincoln.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSwLtuzxO3N25EsZMISBDxu-Ai2Kcw-Ag_37u8WcocmjP6_ccpNg7OxW33GNVDhQzUl_dbRZzyt_JC3pnjbLkLfdLJbfw_ShEh-fxcV3VoZ6HOSbVZDScCziu2dkIy1mRWa7H67YFS58tr/s1600/abraham+lincoln.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Many people argue that the life of Abraham Lincoln was impressive enough and that it has no need of embellishment. To them I say indeed he was quite a man and that if they wait just a few more months they can see a serious film with <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443272/">Daniel Day-Lewis</a> in the title role. To them I would also like to say that they should shut their stupid faces because if you add supernatural hunting to any story and it automatically becomes better. Throw a monster hunter into Twilight and it automatically becomes a much better story that possibly could have saved me the shame I now feel for my middle name..<br />
<br />
When reading up on reviews for this movie I was stunned by the amount of people that didn't know this movie came from a book. If you are going to review something I feel that you should be at least somewhat knowledgeable, especially when you are representing big names in the entertainment and information fields. Shame on all of them. The book was written by Seth Grahame-Smith and if you happen to read my other reviews you might recognize the name. He also happened to write the screenplay for Dark Shadows. Tim Burton does like working with the same people so I wonder if we will be seeing more work from these two gentlemen in the future.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTLA3tvCo_OzRufupD6GI0cafhU0SsxCNs5BCXhTxIyc4mQOMJK0Drtp96Wr9gtMPvbW-YDkJ3XdMiJk0v5YF-c0HoABHJCmMiHyyhgu_osBKwfUWjdKtzaTTrYMh6w3mSQQ3Z-rANpZBG/s1600/seth+grahame.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTLA3tvCo_OzRufupD6GI0cafhU0SsxCNs5BCXhTxIyc4mQOMJK0Drtp96Wr9gtMPvbW-YDkJ3XdMiJk0v5YF-c0HoABHJCmMiHyyhgu_osBKwfUWjdKtzaTTrYMh6w3mSQQ3Z-rANpZBG/s320/seth+grahame.bmp" width="284" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I would probably watch any one of these in film form, but does that really surprise anyone?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Going into this movie I was pretty excited but I was also keeping my hopes based in reality after seeing the most recent big budget work of both the director and producer (Wanted and Dark Shadows respectively).<br />
I figured it would have some nice action and it would look dark and gritty. There were a few things that I noticed in the movie so allow me to list them to you.<br />
<ul>
<li>Timur Bekmambetov loves to direct scenes where trains crash and movies with vampires. There are epic train crashing scenes in both Wanted and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. 3 of his 4 biggest movies have had vampires in it. (This movie, Night Watch and Day Watch)</li>
<li>This movie had Benjen Stark from the Game of Thrones!</li>
<li>These weren't my favorite movie vampires. For some reason their faces transformed as the attacked and they gained snakelike jaws that could dislocate and they ended up with more teeth than possible.</li>
</ul>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY3saCmr_-U3Ymj1c7woyRvreofuV1bgSV-uphChqkUI2aV7n9JPVYE4GA5XcvWlTkNKqkpLUtOGh9qhGsSHbtQe3x2iwpJezpGh61kqbVMWbPTcwn3muj_vdGbMCLMD3b38muWxRNo9mW/s1600/vampire.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY3saCmr_-U3Ymj1c7woyRvreofuV1bgSV-uphChqkUI2aV7n9JPVYE4GA5XcvWlTkNKqkpLUtOGh9qhGsSHbtQe3x2iwpJezpGh61kqbVMWbPTcwn3muj_vdGbMCLMD3b38muWxRNo9mW/s1600/vampire.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">For the life of me I couldn't find this picture without the captions. Don't judge.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
For the most part the movie follows the life of Abraham Lincoln, but where history has shown us nothing the movie gives us vampires. Mr. Lincoln worked in a general store. In real life that is kind of boring. In the movie it is a front so he can murder him some vampires! That is a bit more impressive I would say. Overall I would say I enjoyed the film. The movie is meant to be taken as a comedy but it is all acted in a very straight manner. It is this fact that actually lent to my enjoyment of the film. The movie knows it is silly but it puts on a straight face so we can laugh even more at the preposterous nature of the film.<br />
<br />
Rating 3.5 stars.Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-56944175130397840162012-07-03T15:42:00.000-07:002012-07-03T15:42:02.181-07:00The Dukes See a Movie: Prometheus<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeGqPIl9wIZpmdTdPx4j4rExOrxh3x8n9H63T0DBHr8RMAgk9-7Z4UEPcIPrK8k8ZhdtCk9nOQg7pB4ibwFX8bl6maL9BqyTXEXBNxlDI5BlSyErnQaGwPtcTGfOPnEPIffY1KGsp5FGvf/s1600/prometheus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeGqPIl9wIZpmdTdPx4j4rExOrxh3x8n9H63T0DBHr8RMAgk9-7Z4UEPcIPrK8k8ZhdtCk9nOQg7pB4ibwFX8bl6maL9BqyTXEXBNxlDI5BlSyErnQaGwPtcTGfOPnEPIffY1KGsp5FGvf/s1600/prometheus.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Having seen most of the movies in the Alien franchise (stop judging me) I wasn't entirely sure what to expect, but at least I had some inkling unlike the ladies that went with us since they hadn't seen any of the other movies. I knew that Ridley Scott (the director of the original Alien) was making a movie that would take place in the same universe as Alien but that it would not be a direct prequel. I think he did this to be safe from crazy fan boys who would have picked the movie apart for the smallest inconsistencies with the series. I am sure someone would have said, "The ship clearly should have thrusters that are 8% larger. What were they thinking?" At least now he only had to hear the soft murmuring of people complaining that the movie might not be rated R and that it would have been cooler as a prequel, but hey you can't win them all.<br />
<br />
Actually you should be able to win them all! Screw you complainers! So what if the movie had received a PG-13 rating? It is up to the discretion of the director and the studios to decide what product they want to put out. Furthermore I....wait a sec... I have no reason to be doing this... This is awkward... So how are you guys doing? Everything going well? Let's all pretend that little incident never happened shall we?<br />
<br />
As the movie starts we see an albino alien that looks like he should be a professional wrestler. He decides to take a sip of some very shady liquid (even when I yelled at him not to) and his body breaks down into a black ink mist and mixes in the water and it looks just like the part in Harry Potter with the pensieve. Billions of years later in Iceland a new set of caves is discovered and inside they find what appears to be the result of a very large child finger painting.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimM7h6gf-zzvCQQVyPa0rXoAgSAo48wVacufJjrRNWkENPDRKUWT6Qxx07N2juCFJnhBRkt5OtEBW65QxOx5uCmYz-1cerof6cbveMP4MG6mlTyyARrNupVs0oTRzadhWhz0uB5eVRvIE-/s1600/painting+combo.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="203" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimM7h6gf-zzvCQQVyPa0rXoAgSAo48wVacufJjrRNWkENPDRKUWT6Qxx07N2juCFJnhBRkt5OtEBW65QxOx5uCmYz-1cerof6cbveMP4MG6mlTyyARrNupVs0oTRzadhWhz0uB5eVRvIE-/s320/painting+combo.bmp" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I forgot which one was in the movie.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
The scientists (Noomi Rapace and Tom Hardy Jr(I swear that Logan Marshall-Green is just a clone of Tom Hardy and the government wants to keep that technology a secret)) that came across this image had seen it many times before and they decided that it was meant as an invitation (it clearly was meant as a warning of the dangers of dodge ball). They manage to get funding from Benjamin Button (Guy Pierce in old man makeup) and they head on a journey to meet the architects of life on earth as we know it so they can ask the questions that people have been pondering for thousands of years. Why are we here? Where did we come from? Why is Tyler Perry still making movies? How do we stop him? Please for the love of all we hold dear how do we defeat him?!?!<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIv_eXiJweTmZwGpxVOCkjuZsKUZ290O85mE69JOio4Xy9pUMFysVn2AZJzq8cM0uJJL8vlD6Xz6P7x_0nEw8Fahkd1oFZJ_1HWREnnEHolyFbW2k-iIcBzaiIQF15UU59GoUYczhpURSk/s1600/tyler+perry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIv_eXiJweTmZwGpxVOCkjuZsKUZ290O85mE69JOio4Xy9pUMFysVn2AZJzq8cM0uJJL8vlD6Xz6P7x_0nEw8Fahkd1oFZJ_1HWREnnEHolyFbW2k-iIcBzaiIQF15UU59GoUYczhpURSk/s1600/tyler+perry.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Proof the Devil exists and that he hates you.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
As the ship flies through space making whoosh noises (okay so maybe I was the one making the noises) we see David the android (Michael Fassbender) doing all sorts of random robot-y things like playing basketball on a bike and learning things. He goes to wake up the crew after their stint in stasis and they all get ready to explore their destination. They set out and almost immediately find some ruins and start exploring and touching stuff.<br />
<br />
As they journey they find random jars full of black ooze and the corpses of humanoid space men. They also discover holograms that tell them precisely what they need to know to move the plot along and do things. I don't want to give away too much of the plot because I enjoyed the movie and I think you should as well but I feel compelled to share something I learned about how to create new species.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL1cbxoNl1Yv0JkcSpBpJwdQ8B1SMBEVvQHVG34dte_xfMF6AWM044SFaoACO7CRWjGWcMs87PhHqHSqX8lycW-Xz8cub2vbNxEuXjWjiLdHJ-0sFZFJE3xmVFzh477v-OFZbD0x2lBTEm/s1600/species+origin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL1cbxoNl1Yv0JkcSpBpJwdQ8B1SMBEVvQHVG34dte_xfMF6AWM044SFaoACO7CRWjGWcMs87PhHqHSqX8lycW-Xz8cub2vbNxEuXjWjiLdHJ-0sFZFJE3xmVFzh477v-OFZbD0x2lBTEm/s400/species+origin.jpg" width="283" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
In case you are confused I will explain. Albino wrestler plus magic black goo jars equals humans. Black jar of goo plus a human equals melty human monster. Melty monster plus human equals a land kraken. Land kraken plus albino wrestler equals the original Alien. I think this chart clearly shows that Darwin got a few things wrong. I will expect an apology from him any day now.<br />
<br />
So in conclusion I would like to say that all in all I enjoyed the movie. During the film you did get the feeling that this movie was made with a sequel in mind. A lot of questions were left unanswered, but I think that most of them will be addressed in the next film (I don't think they will tell us why blond people can't run to the side to escape death). The movie was visually beautiful and for the most part very well acted. When I have both movies together I will be able to give it a higher rating but for now as a stand-alone movie I give it a...<br />
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Rating 3.75 starsZachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-89276142941263081932012-06-23T10:12:00.001-07:002012-06-23T10:12:34.110-07:005 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Let The Dukes in Your HouseWe Dukes fancy ourselves as honorable fellows, but there are a few situations where we are not to be trusted. I have highlighted in the past <a href="http://www.intrepiddukes.blogspot.com/2012/03/5-reasons-why-women-should-not-trust.html" target="_blank">why ladies shouldn't trust us</a> and today I want to warn all our potential friends out there of another one of our terrible habits. We make terrible house guests. You may be thinking to yourself "harrumph. I have had The Dukes over many times and nothing has gone wrong." If that is the case I say to you just wait. Your time will come. You are more likely to stop the inexorable march towards death than stop what is coming at our hands. It will be an accident (probably). We will feel sorry for it (possibly), but here are five reasons why The Dukes should not be let in your house. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqRgbT50CF9rOOltzsWhPjtD6XbqZhlRhkfpytKuaCNnCdy7-pgwNe21lkgzqXE3IOgUzdrKTR0M9dmhBrywDXlajWvX32PcGqAT0iW8-qd8fIHVveghWAKb-fz7o6kLxf2Y_hNjGsn7Y/s1600/photo(25).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqRgbT50CF9rOOltzsWhPjtD6XbqZhlRhkfpytKuaCNnCdy7-pgwNe21lkgzqXE3IOgUzdrKTR0M9dmhBrywDXlajWvX32PcGqAT0iW8-qd8fIHVveghWAKb-fz7o6kLxf2Y_hNjGsn7Y/s320/photo(25).JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We straight up stomped that house to its death.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
1. Zac has a vendetta against decks<br />
<br />
I don't like decks and I don't trust decks. They are wobbly and unstable and they want to murder me. Also they are a lot of work. "Look at me I need to be water proofed and stained every year so I look good. If you don't I will succumb to some sort of rot and look less than awesome Mwahahaha!!" They are jerks and must be dealt with. We have been feuding for years but our battle recently came to a head.<br />
<br />
We had had an enjoyable afternoon swimming and we needed to kill some time before we went to our dinner reservation. We decided that we would spend this time lounging at a friend's house. The scene was idyllic. The sun was shining high, as were our spirits. There was much frolicking and jumping on of tramps. We were ready for a breather so we decided to head into the house by way of a staircase/deck combo that led us to the second floor. With the feelings I have towards decks I should have thought this though and gone in through the front door, but I decided to spit in the face of fate and she decided to strike back. <br />
<br />
I had managed to navigate the staircase and I was feeling invincible. In a weak moment of false immortality I took my gaze from my foot placement and there I met my downfall. One misplaced step and my hefty weight met a weak board and I felt myself falling. Oh dark hubris why did you bring upon me this fate!? Why couldn't I have just looked down?! There is some good that comes from this tale. As it turns out I have the reflexes of a highly trained ninja. As I found the floor of the deck rushing up to meet me I managed to throw out my hands and catch myself as my knee was passing the floorboards. If that hadn't happened I would have ended up on a concrete slab one level below. Sadly I did not make it entirely unscathed.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZs5OCsGpAXdUTiGyaYdS0xUr9MwSeQxFEoIgiTTa1afeSgvrZgNheM8QbQugyvc-9E21uVLh7tGh_d7nw8faox2d_rxb71nnRFMDMoYLIDExRREYJqRd1YQCzlb4XUzycbPay0x64CkA/s1600/my+leg.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZs5OCsGpAXdUTiGyaYdS0xUr9MwSeQxFEoIgiTTa1afeSgvrZgNheM8QbQugyvc-9E21uVLh7tGh_d7nw8faox2d_rxb71nnRFMDMoYLIDExRREYJqRd1YQCzlb4XUzycbPay0x64CkA/s400/my+leg.bmp" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Drink it in. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Touché deck you win this round, but a warning to all of my friends out there with decks I will have my revenge!<br />
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<br />
2. We will take any opportunity we can to scare or surprise you.<br />
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<br />
This shouldn't be a shocker but we Dukes can be jerks and we will scare you whenever and however we can. When Danny and I worked at the bank together we were terrible most of the time. Danny once jumped out at a very pregnant lady while dressed as the Hulk. He didn't even know her yet since he was still in training. I made a girl hit her head on the underside of a counter because I decided to sneak up behind her(I still feel bad about that). Letting us into your home is just inviting us to find new ways to frighten you. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz8T00qaqJWDXJ170oNocxrgcPX0xOmvwhbqciUS_AIv8Y6ts-a1rXQdFpZB3z8wyRLeD30Be8y4ha3Z2r243U5Dneth5p4PBcpxdfDQuvqRCmHC6b3M-dOD0FH-rDxUoZcBxXL1dIiF19/s1600/photo(23).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz8T00qaqJWDXJ170oNocxrgcPX0xOmvwhbqciUS_AIv8Y6ts-a1rXQdFpZB3z8wyRLeD30Be8y4ha3Z2r243U5Dneth5p4PBcpxdfDQuvqRCmHC6b3M-dOD0FH-rDxUoZcBxXL1dIiF19/s320/photo(23).JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look at those sadistic grins</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
One great example involves our good friend Morgan (who has not been replaced). She invited us to her home and was a gracious host. In return we managed to get the keypad combo to her door just so we could scare her. We had been told that she was on her way home and that we should meet her there at 7. Instead of doing as we were told we decided to go early to set up shop. We got there at 6:30 and we entered the home. Her dog Gracie greeted us at the door as old friends and we started to plot.<br />
<br />
In order to help you understand the story you need some background. Morgan is afraid of finding random people in her hotel room, bedroom, bathroom etc. We knew this and decided to play on that fear. We hunkered down in the living room, turned off the light and began to wait. Soon we could see headlights coming off in the distance. We heard the car door shut and her shoes began to clack against the pavement, marking her approach. Her frame darkened the doorway and she slowly began unlocking the door. The door swung open and we could see her silhouetted there. Mustering up my best devil voice, I growled from the darkness "Welcome Home".<br />
<br />
Morgan responded with one classic line, "Oh Sh*t". She sounded so forlorn, as if all hope had been lost. She knew that this was going to be the end of the road for her. (At least I imagine that is what she was thinking) Sadly the moment was ruined by us because we all began to giggle. I don't know if we will ever top that scare but I also don't know if Morgan will ever truly forgive us either.<br />
<br />
3. The Dukes + Furniture = Disaster<br />
<br />
We are incredibly hard on furniture. Part of it is the fact we use it so much, but another part is that we apparently don't know how to use it like adults either.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggp-M9P26tMhhUSGETEvwbNYIDiLXm0PAKu2i3Se3YWp0HWXl-IvIBOYJtmySRG5Qh68CwE45IF4pov68qxg4aB9rJkfkabe2y70fAdVLoVOQZseJ-B3k1JqYjri5IxMirOU2FtbB0aIl9/s1600/photo(28).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggp-M9P26tMhhUSGETEvwbNYIDiLXm0PAKu2i3Se3YWp0HWXl-IvIBOYJtmySRG5Qh68CwE45IF4pov68qxg4aB9rJkfkabe2y70fAdVLoVOQZseJ-B3k1JqYjri5IxMirOU2FtbB0aIl9/s320/photo(28).JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is how you use one of these, right?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
No one has felt the sting of our poor furniture etiquette more than my own parents. A few years back I went through a strange furniture buying kick. I still lived at home but apparently I wanted to have more stuff. During one of these stuff getting quests I ended up purchasing a couch for the man cave. It was one I looking forward to sitting on quite a bit. Unfortunately (mainly for my parents) the couch did not fit down the stairs, but being such good people my parents said "take our reclining couch downstairs instead. We will leave your couch up here in the family room in its place." Bad move Mom and Dad.<br />
<br />
For the first little while it seemed like a dream come true. We could fit all four Dukes on the one couch, or four of anybody if we had company. We would watch movie after movie and life was good. Gradually I think that we as a whole began to forget who the couch belonged to and we treated it as our own. The first casualty was the back left corner. Danny really liked to lean back on whatever piece of furniture he was sitting in, but with this couch it just caused it to break after a time. This was no biggie though. We just propped up the corner with a tub, a piece of particle board, and an exercise ball (take that Macgyver).<br />
<br />
We were trucking along just fine after this minor speed bump until a late night movie led to a late night pinch war that involved Coombsy, Danny, McKell and I (Ricky is super glad that he wasn't a part of this one). The pinches were brutal and somehow it led to the destruction of one of the leg rests (I am looking at you Coombsy). Once again we managed to pull together a last minute solution, in this case we used a small garbage can to prop up the leg rest. I think you are a smart readership so I am pretty sure you can figure out what happened next. If you guessed that gypsies did it, you have been talking to me way too much. So in the end the couch died a slow death at the hands of the people who had professed to love it.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiozn2Q91QDZ-NV4Y_9puIKdbne3Omx6DxYfMU9hto6Sa5FIzEHOhloyHRC1d4wxcrRmYUm0_rMx42uUtOJGRMHI4rm0zdv7QvzhrZsa4tQdEt5nCb6Zbod5gxAsvg2-s8Gi58qL1hNHdV9/s1600/broken+heart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiozn2Q91QDZ-NV4Y_9puIKdbne3Omx6DxYfMU9hto6Sa5FIzEHOhloyHRC1d4wxcrRmYUm0_rMx42uUtOJGRMHI4rm0zdv7QvzhrZsa4tQdEt5nCb6Zbod5gxAsvg2-s8Gi58qL1hNHdV9/s1600/broken+heart.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So you know, be careful when people love you.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
4. Once we have access to your house we may never leave<br />
<br />
<br />At times we Dukes have been compared to parasites, and sadly that isn't far from the truth. If we find something we like we will attach ourselves to it and we will only let go when that thing has died, become broken or completely lost its function. This attachment can happen with pretty much any noun you can think of, and woe be unto that person, place or thing.<br />
<br />
Early in the life of our friendship we were constantly at Ricky's house. We were there a minimum of three times a week. Ricky's parents are great people, but I think after a few months of this they went on vacation just so they wouldn't have to see us anymore. Did the fact that Ricky and his family had gone on vacation change how often we were at his house? No it did not. If anything we were there even more since Danny had been asked to house sit. The only thing that changed was the time of night we finally went to bed and the amount of joyrides we took in vehicles we did not own (we only went on one in Ricky's old van).<br />
<br />
This just goes to show you that even fleeing the state isn't enough to get rid of us. We will be waiting right where you left us when you return so we can continue to suck the life out of you.<br />
<br />
5. We mark our territory<br />
<br />
This doesn't mean that if we enter your house we will make like dogs and start peeing on things (I can't promise that Coombsy won't though), it just means that we will start leaving traces of ourselves in your house. Once again I will bring up Morgan. If you go in her house you will be able to find a copy of our main page photo. She didn't ask for it, but we decided she needed it. It was our effort to claim her home as our own. You never know when we will strike or what form our claim will take, just that it will happen.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3mtDlEH9-YlbjsLi4_zVlWLephw-vTz1ySMCLl-vd_WxFReraEEOI3imRy1AaQr5aMchINKqi0verjy76aDuFeFx5mYxGsL1D0MCgKmY2m7eCO92FQV1iFzHgLuu6DqugTizuVOtv8YGo/s1600/photo(30).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3mtDlEH9-YlbjsLi4_zVlWLephw-vTz1ySMCLl-vd_WxFReraEEOI3imRy1AaQr5aMchINKqi0verjy76aDuFeFx5mYxGsL1D0MCgKmY2m7eCO92FQV1iFzHgLuu6DqugTizuVOtv8YGo/s320/photo(30).JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Coming soon to inside your house.</td></tr>
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In summation it is clear that we are adorable and the epitome of awesomeness, but you need to decide for yourself if we are really worth all the trouble we cause. If you decide we are not I may cry myself to sleep but I won't begrudge you your well-reasoned opinion. If you decide to toss the dice and stick it out I pray that our visits turn out better than it did for this Brazilian family whose home I tore down with my bare hands.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just think of it as an extended camping trip</td></tr>
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<br />Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7175157672225639455.post-82323831379368103722012-06-11T12:15:00.000-07:002012-06-11T12:15:54.366-07:00The Dukes See a Movie: Snow White and the Huntsman<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBTajliPaUB3Qv_Rk_9jCwBznstPa9gpZIpVcHl6B8N1f43ejiZBFeHpPdidYQSVGI_gcIPV4aCip7A0Okwy2zwpFz-HC4X9OXIS7Cg2b6GeuwhU6oLsn5-ZexlKaSXSFGdhJ1MwtByNU/s1600/snow+white.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBTajliPaUB3Qv_Rk_9jCwBznstPa9gpZIpVcHl6B8N1f43ejiZBFeHpPdidYQSVGI_gcIPV4aCip7A0Okwy2zwpFz-HC4X9OXIS7Cg2b6GeuwhU6oLsn5-ZexlKaSXSFGdhJ1MwtByNU/s1600/snow+white.jpg" /></a></div>
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Mirror Mirror above the sink am I as handsome as I think? If the answer isn't "dang skippy you are" I don't want to hear it. Following the great Hollywood tradition of having several similarly themed movies come out around the same time we have had two adaptations of Snow White this year. The first was Mirror Mirror which according to sources (I didn't see it because I don't hate myself enough) was a terrible movie with flat acting and nothing memorable at all. The second is one that I actually wanted to see because it seemed like a darker twist on the classic tale. Not darker than the original story because man those Germans like their fairy tales dark. I mean in the original the Queen has quite the gruesome end. As punishment for her wicked ways, a pair of heated iron shoes are
brought forth with tongs and placed before the Queen. She is then forced
to step into the iron shoes and to dance until she drops dead. Who in the world thinks that is a good ending to tell a child?<br />
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I was intrigued by this movie because it looked action-y and it had Chris Hemsworth in it and I am an official member of the I want Chris Hemsworthesque arms fan club (No such club exists but I really do want arms that look like his). I was rather leery though at the thought of seeing a movie with Kristen Stewart in it because from what I have seen of Twilight her acting consisted of being moody and whiny and not closing her mouth because she is a vapid purposeless character. (Tell me how you really feel about it Zac)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiny9zDQK8wZePeeyRf0iPtiXoP-uTLEJViIC43oGebAKAnZIUbb-q3pa5FnGUP-J0w10jCm_tM3iT5ZsVOLFj3_9DrzL6WTkJ8-mGrG9aWxFCOTc7itbDmUswrdQ5DtgI4lZAxyckDkh4/s1600/the-many-faces-of-KStew.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiny9zDQK8wZePeeyRf0iPtiXoP-uTLEJViIC43oGebAKAnZIUbb-q3pa5FnGUP-J0w10jCm_tM3iT5ZsVOLFj3_9DrzL6WTkJ8-mGrG9aWxFCOTc7itbDmUswrdQ5DtgI4lZAxyckDkh4/s400/the-many-faces-of-KStew.jpg" width="287" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My guess is that the Twilight series is 10 hours of this.</td></tr>
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So was with these conflicting feeling roiling in my chest that we headed to the theater to see Snow White and the Huntsman. As much as it pains me to say this I didn't hate Kristen Stewart in this movie and I think she did a passable job(actually it was better than passable but I couldn't bring myself to saying that) as Snow White and she made us actually care about her plight. I still love Chris Hemsworth but I was a little confused why they gave him a Scottish accent. The acting was well done from all the characters and the imagery of the contrasting nature of good and evil were very well done. The dark foreboding forest was very dark and very foreboding while the sanctuary was very green and vibrant. It did seem like they did take it one step too far with the random Pixie creatures climbing out of the birds.<br />
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The part that wasn't as well done was the writing. Some of the lines were trite or even just straight up ridiculous. Like the part during the showdown between the Queen and Snow White when Snow White says "you can't have my heart". In all honesty I said out loud in the theater "seriously?!" when she said that line. (I am sure strangers hate us in their showing) I also had an issue with the speech that Snow White gives to rally the troops. It wasn't memorable or very inspiring at all. Speeches are where the writers are supposed to shine because that is the part that they are trying to get the most emotion out of the audience so we will feel like we are a part of whatever the group is about to undertake. All great movies nail the speech part.<br />
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I feel bad for all of the little people in Hollywood not named Peter Dinklage because now they are losing all their roles to regular actors that are just being CGIed into little people. I never wanted to see a three foot Ian McShane but now I can never un-see it.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And now neither can you.</td></tr>
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It created quite the stir amongst the little community and even had Warwick Davis comparing the shrinking down of actors to black face. I don't know if I would take it that far, but I do think it is a shame that they didn't even give them a chance.<br />
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Overall I thought the movie was decent. It had good acting and nice effects, but if it had had decent writing it could have been great. In the words of some random guy I read on the internet I say that this is what Lord of the Rings could have been if Peter Jackson hadn't cared about every single detail. On a strange side note Viggo Mortensen was almost cast as the Huntsman and that would have been a great tie in to the previous quote.<br />
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Rating 3.5 Stars <br />
<br />Zachttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00480231682855373248noreply@blogger.com1