Thursday, May 10, 2012

Things the Dukes Hate: Part 3

I am a happy man and as a whole The Dukes are a happy group (see photo above). That being said there is still quite a bit out there that can get us all hot and bothered. I must admit I made a mistake in the last hate posts. I mainly focused on what I hate and sadly all I did was give people the perfect way to make me hulk out. All I get these days are texts with terrible directions or numbers like 117%! What have I done to deserve such pain! I will not make the same mistake twice so now I will focus more on the group as a whole or the other Dukes (take that you jerks). So for starters we certainly hate...


"Didn't you do that last time? Are you so lazy that you just recycle your old posts?" Are things you are probably asking yourself and the answer to both would be a solid yes. Yes I did mention them in the last hate post and yes I am lazy, but this time I am going to focus on a different aspect of why they are so hated amongst us. If you were asked to list one thing the Dukes like movies would probably be near the top of the list because we are nothing if not predictable. We go to a movie pretty much every week and we are often at the latest showing. Part of the reason we go so late is because sleep is overrated and we are also big fans of dinner. The main reason though (not really) is that the later showings have a smaller number of children present or at least that is how it should be.

I get so mad when I go to a late movie and I see some couple dragging in their 7 children that range from 6 months to seven years old. I will now list the reasons why.
  • They should be in bed! Children need to have a quality schedule to make sure they get the most out of life and have a chance to succeed! Looks like you hate your children as much as I do and want them to fail so they can repeat your mistakes. Deep breaths, deep breaths. Okay I am good.
  • Most of the movies we see are either PG-13 or rated R because that is what comes out these days, but they are not appropriate for kids. When I see them come in to a movie like Cabin in Woods I know they are going to have nightmares for months. 
  • These kids make so much noise. I am fine with laughter and some quiet comments but the crying I cannot stand. The worst part is the parents that bring their kids are not the type that will take them out when they cry so who knows how long the outburst will last. Probably as long as I will be ranting about it after.
  • They have tiny hands. Enough said.
Just watch your backs is all I am saying.

Ricky hates people that care too much in non-competitive sports

This past winter the Dukes all decided to take part in church basketball. We had the option to go with a competitive or non-competitive league and for obvious reasons we chose the latter (we wanted to win without too much running). We had good times but there were a few occasions when people just took it all too seriously.

 It was a fine Saturday morning and the Man Wave had come out in full force (we called out fans the Man Wave). Things were going well until we started winning. That didn't make the guy in the Wade jersey too happy. He started shoving people in plays and swearing and doing silly things. The rest of his team was fine. They were still having a good time. A person like that just ruins the mood of everyone. We were there to have fun, we didn't really care if we won or lost we just wanted to enjoy the great sport of basketball. At one point this guy lost his head and came flying into me on a drive. I am built like a tractor so I didn't budge an inch  while he on the other hand went flying back.

He should have kept his emotions in check but because he did not he ended up with a sprained neck and a bruised ego. Let that be a lesson for all of you. It is a game! We are playing for fun! Losing the game doesn't mean that society is going to crumble and you will go nowhere in life! Harrumph.

That was a moving screen!

 Danny hates it when plans get changed

Having plans change in never fun. With us the culprit is generally Mother Nature so we don't have a person to blame. That doesn't matter to Danny though because he will manage to complain about the change for hours on end. We all love Danny and that won't change. I am just writing this to show that this really gets on his nerves.

Last year we had planned a trip up to Lava Hot Springs. It is a trip we like to make several times a year and we always have a great time. This time the weather gods had something else in store for us. The entire route up was being bombarded by snowstorms and as the drivers Ricky and I decided that we didn't want to drive through it since we felt it would be unsafe. When Danny heard the news he was understandably sad, but 8 hours later after we had been engaged in our alternate plans for some time he was still bringing it up. If you want to get to Danny just tell him we aren't going to do what we planned.

Coombsy hates monkey thumbs

This is an argument that has been ongoing in our group for over a year now. Coombsy claimed that monkeys and chimps do not have opposable thumbs. Even after being shown incontrovertible proof that they do (Wikipedia probably) he still won't back down. I will admit the conversations are entertaining, but his opposition to this makes no sense unless he has some deep seated hatred of monkey thumbs. Maybe a monkey stole his wallet or cheated at poker. I don't know but I wish I knew the back story to his irrational hatred of this Pan Troglodytes digit. 

Although Coombsy might have a point

So after looking over this list I can tell that I still have the most irrational hatreds out of any of us, but who knows what I will dig up in the future. If any of you can dish the dirt on things they hate or are afraid of I would be most grateful.

After all these words of anger I feel that we need to have a moment where we can just remember life is good and that we should be happy that we live in the same world as these dogs.

Now that is what I call being content.

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