Randomly Losing a Button
It might just be because I happened to lose a button 10 minutes ago but this really peeves me. Why are buttons so darn flimsy and poorly attached?! It is because the fashion industry has some nefarious plot afoot that involves slowly degrading the mental stability of all the people who wear shirts in an attempt to overthrow all the world powers so they can form a mega society called Pantsopolis? I say yes, that is the only reason I can see for flimsy buttons. Having reattached dozens of buttons to different articles of clothing I know that it isn't that hard to make sure they are firmly affixed so nothing else makes sense.
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| You know they are up to no good. |
Hipsters
I don't know if it is just the strangely tight pants or the wool hats in summer but I hate hipsters with a passion. I think it has a lot to do with their attitude towards everything. Hipsters are people who often describe themselves as having liked something before it was cool. I disagree with this description though. Liking something before someone else doesn't make you a hipster. What makes you a hipster is thinking that because something has become popular or mainstream it has suddenly become less awesome.
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| Foe, thy name is hipster. |
I will admit that I have seen more movies than I can count (many of them foreign or indie films) and have read authors that many people have never read or even hear about. Does that make me a hipster? No it does not and if you say otherwise I will find you and we will have a nice discussion as to why you never want to be caught between Rock and Hard Place (those are the names I have given my arms). In this situation I could be only be considered a hipster if I said something along the lines of "I am not a fan of superhero movies these days because they are too mainstream. I only watch the ones that were made in the early nineties or before because I liked this type of movie before it was cool."
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| I should be ashamed to admit I have seen all of these, but strangely I am not. |
So remember folks it is okay to like something before it is has gained popularity, but it is not okay to stop liking something just because other people are now fans. So to all of you mustache wearing, Pitchfork reading, Pabst Blue Ribbon drinking, lenseless glasses wearing, "I liked this before it was cool" saying jerks. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Do you even know what you look like in your man capris? You should do something because you like it, not because you think it will make you some sort of elitist. Also you should not do anything "ironically" because that makes no sense at all. I give you this warning so that you may change your ways. If you do not there will be a reckoning and a mighty hand of judgment shall surely find you.
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| Friends don't let friends become hipsters. |
Things that mildly irritate
Ricky,
It’s kind of sad that my picture
is on top of this blog, but this feels like a guest post. I want to thank Zac
for keeping it going, he is a more committed man than I am (Ladies you’re
always whining about commitment, Zac is your man!). In regards to things that
irritate me I need to start with a new word that I created, that word is
fakangry. The word is pronounced by saying “fake angry” really quickly, while
trying to avoid sounding like your using the f-word, which even with my
language being as bad as it is remains too crass for me. Fakangry is exactly
what the pronunciation sounds like; it is a state of faking anger. I constantly
live in this state. I’m never really angry, I just enjoy yelling.
While the main portion of this
post is a list of things that irritates us, I’ve decided to add two things that
just get me all fakangry and that I really enjoy yelling at. Those two things
are Memphis, and relationships on televisions shows.
Memphis:
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| How Memphis currently looks |
I need to start by saying that
I’ve never been to Memphis, I’m sure it’s pretty city, the pictures I’ve burned
have been very beautiful, even before the fire took them. That being said I’ve
had the opportunity to speak with many people from Memphis, and without a
doubt, they are the most frustratingly irritating people with whom you can
speak. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s the water, maybe it’s the location, and the
weather could have an effect. I’m not really sure what it is to be honest, but
one thing that I can speak to with surety is that every time I have a
conversation with someone from Memphis it typically ends with me wanting to
reach through the phone, pull them to my location and then mercilessly beat
them to death with my magic teleporter phone which conveniently doubles
as a large blunt object.
Now I am fully aware that there
are idiots everywhere. I’m sure that too many whom I have had dealings with, I
am the idiot. Memphis though, Memphis seems to be the epicenter for idiocy. I’m
sure there are smart people there, but I cannot say how many because in my
opinion, anyone with enough brain cells to form the word ‘run’ would remove
themselves from Memphis as fast as humanly possible.
All I have to say is Memphis is
likely a beautiful town and I hope it burns to the freaking ground.
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| How I wish Memphis looked |
Romantic Relationships on
Television shows:
We watch a lot of TV. I will
never deny this. I’ve seen more movies and TV shows than any person should, but
that’s how things go sometimes and there is nothing to do about it (if you
suggest go outside you’re wrong). One common thread through nearly every TV
show is the romantic plot line. All too often they introduce two characters who
we, as the audience, know are perfect for each other, but who take forever to
figure it out, if the ever do at all. A good example of this is Psych, one of
my preferred TV shows. The main character, Shawn Spencer and one of the
Detectives he typically works with, Juliet O’Hara, spend the first I don’t know
how many seasons (ask Zac[Zac here to say it was episode 10 of season 5 that they officially hooked up]) dancing around each other. One episode Shawn
is on the verge of confessing his undying love but then he sees her with
another man, in another Juliet is about to tell Shawn she wants to bear his
children, but then she gets kidnapped and so on and so forth until finally the
writers cannot fathom another way to plausibly keep the two separated and give
into our pleading that they be permitted to be together and make beautiful and
funny children.
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| About damn time! |
I understand the importance of
these relationships for the show. They make sense. They keep the viewer
coming back, hell they keep me coming back. That being said, they drive me
absolutely insane. Never do I yell more at a television set then when these
relationships are not functioning the way that I want them to function, because
everyone who knows me knows that how I want things to go is the best way for
them to go. Now reading back on this paragraph I see how this could be
construed as me being a woman, a fact that Coombsy will gleefully point out (if
he ever read the blog), but unfortunately for him, I know he feels the exact
same way about these relationships, because deep down, everyone does.
In the end these two things
don’t matter. They won’t matter in a year, a month, or a week. I’ll send this
email to Zac, he will post it, and I will forget about it. They really don’t
affect my life in any long term sense at all. Hell they don’t affect it in a
short term sense. Though if you want to see what I mean when I say fakangry,
mention either of this to me, then take cover because I will throw whatever is
in my immediate vicinity.
