Tuesday, June 5, 2012

The Dukes Get Behind on Movie Reviews and Cram Three in One

Either we see too many movies or I am too lazy. I am inclined to think it is a little of column A and a whole lot of column B. Because of this shameful combo I once again find myself behind on my movie reviews. I could blame a swollen knee but what does that have to with typing? Nothing at all but I am doing my darndest to find some excuse. You want to know who is to blame? Gypsies. It is always their fault.

Dark Shadows is one more movie where Johnny Depp wears pale makeup and Tim Burton calls on his friends to be in another movie. Don't get me wrong I enjoy Tim Burton movies and as I have stated many times on this blog I love Johnny Depp. I will once again say he is the bacon of actors since he makes all of the things he is in better.

He doesn't like the sun much.

The issue many people had with this movie is that they took it too seriously. It was meant to be a breezy comedy, something whimsical and lighthearted. They were attempting to take the soap opera feel of the original series and change it up a little. I enjoyed the movie and thought that it was well acted and it had decent writing. The screenplay was done by Seth Grahame-Smith who also happens to be the author of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

I also am a fan of Eva Green because she is incredibly attractive and a good actress to boot. The main issue I had with the movie was the random adding of a werewolf to the story. It didn't need to be included and it added nothing to the plot. There also were a few goofs that could have easily been avoided. In the movie while the setting is supposedly 1760 they mention the state of Maine even though at the time it was actually part of the territory of Massachusetts. Maine wasn't a state until 1820. Also while the movie was in 1972 they mention two songs that wouldn't be out for another year.

Rating 3.5 Stars


Bears!! That is pretty much the only thing this movie had going for it. The only reason it even had that was the fact that I claimed there would be a bear in the movie before it started and I was right. The movie seemed to want to be a "lost footage" film in how the camera work was super shaky. Also they didn't give me any likable characters. We had two angry brothers, a girl named Boobs (I am assuming that is her name because that is where the camera focused at least half the time), her friend Boring McBoringpants, a dirty hippie couple and the ex military guy Uri (he gets a real name because I liked his accent).

This movie could have been something special but in the end it just turned into a normal zombie movie. It also seemed like the makers were trying to make a video game because they just kept introducing new levels like, the coliseum, or the catacombs, or the creepy lunchroom. Nothing in the movie surprised me or caused me to jump at all. The only surprise was the bear that popped out of one of the rooms.


Rating 2 Stars

After Men in Black 2 came out I didn't think that a third movie was such a good idea. The second one wasn't good and I was afraid the third one would be the same. After looking into the film (It had a budget of 375 million!!) I thought I would at least give it a shot. I was pleasantly surprised. The movie wasn't as childish or over the top as the second one, although it did have its moments (the stupid funeral at the beginning and the stupid use of a stupid alien language).

I thought it was well acted and that Josh Brolin did a great job as a young K. He nailed it. I also thought that Jemaine Clement did a fine job as the bad guy Boris the Animal. There were a few issues with what they had shown of 1969. For some reason they got two of the country flags wrong, Spain and Papua New Guinea. (I will be honest I didn't know that about both flags off the top of my head, just that of Spain so thank you internet)

 Rating 3.5 stars

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