The Dukes See a Movie: Snow White and the Huntsman

Mirror Mirror above the sink am I as handsome as I think? If the answer isn't "dang skippy you are" I don't want to hear it. Following the great Hollywood tradition of having several similarly themed movies come out around the same time we have had two adaptations of Snow White this year. The first was Mirror Mirror which according to sources (I didn't see it because I don't hate myself enough) was a terrible movie with flat acting and nothing memorable at all. The second is one that I actually wanted to see because it seemed like a darker twist on the classic tale. Not darker than the original story because man those Germans like their fairy tales dark. I mean in the original the Queen has quite the gruesome end. As punishment for her wicked ways, a pair of heated iron shoes are brought forth with tongs and placed before the Queen. She is then forced to step into the iron shoes and to dance until she drops dead. Who in the world thinks that is a good ending to tell a child?

I was intrigued by this movie because it looked action-y and it had Chris Hemsworth in it and I am an official member of the I want Chris Hemsworthesque arms fan club (No such club exists but I really do want arms that look like his). I was rather leery though at the thought of seeing a movie with Kristen Stewart in it because from what I have seen of Twilight her acting consisted of being moody and whiny and not closing her mouth because she is a vapid purposeless character. (Tell me how you really feel about it Zac)

My guess is that the Twilight series is 10 hours of this.

So was with these conflicting feeling roiling in my chest that we headed to the theater to see Snow White and the Huntsman. As much as it pains me to say this I didn't hate Kristen Stewart in this movie and I think she did a passable job(actually it was better than passable but I couldn't bring myself to saying that) as Snow White and she made us actually care about her plight. I still love Chris Hemsworth but I was a little confused why they gave him a Scottish accent. The acting was well done from all the characters and the imagery of the contrasting nature of good and evil were very well done. The dark foreboding forest was very dark and very foreboding while the sanctuary was very green and vibrant. It did seem like they did take it one step too far with the random Pixie creatures climbing out of the birds.

The part that wasn't as well done was the writing. Some of the lines were trite or even just straight up ridiculous. Like the part during the showdown between the Queen and Snow White when Snow White says "you can't have my heart". In all honesty I said out loud in the theater "seriously?!" when she said that line. (I am sure strangers hate us in their showing)  I also had an issue with the speech that Snow White gives to rally the troops. It wasn't memorable or very inspiring at all. Speeches are where the writers are supposed to shine because that is the part that they are trying to get the most emotion out of the audience so we will feel like we are a part of whatever the group is about to undertake. All great movies nail the speech part.

I feel bad for all of the little people in Hollywood not named Peter Dinklage because now they are losing all their roles to regular actors that are just being CGIed into little people. I never wanted to see a three foot Ian McShane but now I can never un-see it.

And now neither can you.

It created quite the stir amongst the little community and even had Warwick Davis comparing the shrinking down of actors to black face. I don't know if I would take it that far, but I do think it is a shame that they didn't even give them a chance.

Overall I thought the movie was decent. It had good acting and nice effects, but if it had had decent writing it could have been great. In the words of some random guy I read on the internet I say that this is what Lord of the Rings could have been if Peter Jackson hadn't cared about every single detail. On a strange side note Viggo Mortensen was almost cast as the Huntsman and that would have been a great tie in to the previous quote.

Rating 3.5 Stars