Saturday, April 21, 2012

The Dukes See a Movie: Wrath of the Titans

Some of you out there were worried since it had been a while since we had posted a review of a movie. I am sure some of you were thinking "have the Dukes broken up?" or "were they kidnapped by jealous oil tycoons (it could happen)?" or "did Zac get super lazy again and stop writing?". If you thought the last one you were spot on. I also would have accepted "the last movie was so meh that writing a review seemed just as exciting as plain oatmeal". You are full but at the same time the meal was utterly unremarkable. Now in all fairness that was probably a rude comparison. Oatmeal, consider this an apology. I find your Quaker Oats logo to be pretty cool even though you recently made slight changes to him.

Turns out he needed a haircut and a face lift

Do you see what is happening to me? I am getting so sidetracked trying to do this review I find myself talking about oatmeal just for a change of pace.  Instead of giving you a normal sized synopsis I will give you a very condensed version.

No prayer makes the Gods weak. Weak Gods mean that the Titans are stronger and more able to escape prison. Some of the Gods join forces with the Titans. Only hope is in Perseus gathering pieces of a fabled spear made from God weapons. Perseus fights things and gets super dirty in the process.  He goes in a labyrinth. Oatmeal...Oh wait I just did it again didn't I? Well you get the point. So instead of a synopsis I will give you bullet points of things I learned in this movie.

  •  Demigods sound Australian. For some reason Sam Worthington cannot do a role without his accent. I wonder if that bothers anyone else.
  • Zeus is a fan of the awkward head nestle. Several times in this movie Zeus randomly rests his face on other people. Once on his brother's face and once on his son's chest. I thought it was pretty awkward.
  • The best defense against a lava monster is fire of course! There are several instances in which monsters clearly made of fire and lava are attacked with fire. What good is that going to do? That is like throwing a bucket of water at a killer whale and hoping for the best. 
  • If you appeared in Harry Potter that is how I will define you for the rest of forever. Ralph Fiennes is Voldemort and Bill Nighy is Rufus Scrimgeour. Forever.
  • The Greeks somehow managed to use a counterweight trebuchet even though they weren't used until the 7th century. Had they shown a catapult that would have been fine, but come on people do your research.
30 seconds on Google is all in would have taken.

The movie had some wooden acting from some of the characters and the writing wasn't great, but the graphics were decent. I didn't hate the movie but the best part of the movie actually came in the parking lot when a blanket from my trunk was turned into a weapon by Coombsy. Several people walked away from the altercation with sore necks, red eyes or guilty consciences.

Rating 2.5 stars.

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