We the Dukes have never claimed to be above hyped up movies and strung out film franchises, and now that the formalities are out of the way I can get down to reviewing this movie. Pirates of the Caribbean has been one of my favorite rides at Disneyland for several decades now. (The mid nineties until now at least) Not because it was the best but because in the heat of the summer it is a nice ride to just relax and cool down. Plus the line is never super long. If you had asked me a decade or so ago if an 8 minute ride at Disneyland could be made into four well made and enjoyable movies I would have bet everything against it and I would have been right. Pirates two and three were pretty dang terrible movies. With that sour taste still linger in our mouths and minds we still somehow ended up going to see this movie.
It was my hope that with the removal of dead weight (Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley and their awful love story garbage) and the addition of some new faces (mainly Ian McShane because he can act whereas Penelope Cruz cannot. Okay that was mean; she does a great job in her Spanish films so I take some of it back. Some.) that this series could be rejuvinated. So with this is mind we went in to watch Johnny Depp pirate it up once more.
The movie starts with Gibbs (mutton chopped drunkard from the other movies) being put on trial in London as Jack Sparrow. It just so happens that the real Jack Sparrow has taken the place of the judge and he manages to get the two of them out of the courtroom whole. While riding out of town Gibbs asks if it is true that Jack is putting together a crew to sail to the fountain of youth. Jack claims he isn't but he means to find out who is behind the sullying of his name.
A few daring escapes and fights later we now know that Penelope Cruz was the one acting like Jack and that there are three crews attempting to find the Fountain. They are as follows: Blackbeard (Ian McShane) and his crew of zombies and a captive clergyman and a captive Jack Sparrow, the English privateers captained by a one legged Barbosa, and the Spanish. To use the fountain's power several things are needed. They are two silver chalices from the ship of Ponce De Leon and a mermaid tear.
So the bulk of the movie is the three groups trying to get the items before the others and the fighting between them. A couple things about this movie bothered me. I shall make a list of them since I love lists.
- The new characters were very poorly developed at times. I felt nothing for the clergyman and most of the new crews.
- This one is actually a branch off of the first one. There is a love story involving the clergyman and a mermaid but the movie doesn't make me care about them at all. When you think he is dead you feel nothing, nothing at all for him. I would feel more for a man who lost his sandwich than I do for this man. The mermaid was a little better but not by much.
- When the mermaid is on land she has legs. They don't seem to work but the muscles are too well toned and developed for that to be the case. I think she was just lazy and wanted to be carried.
- Last of all was the random magic that Blackbeard possessed. His sword could control his ship and other ships as well. I don't mind that he can do that but I do mind that it never tells you how he came by that power. If there is to be magic I demand an explanation as to why it is there. They explained all the other random things in this movie series but not this and that bothers me.
Rating 3 stars