Thursday, December 22, 2011

Not All Christmas Songs Are Created Equal

As the holiday season was progressing I came to realize a very distressing fact. Some Christmas songs fill me with rage. In my opinion this is something that should not happen and probably doesn't happen to most people. It could be that I am more sensitive to it than others or I might just be plain crazy. In this post I will attempt to validate my feelings and explain my thoughts.
Some songs make me want to forcefully remove their smiles.
I decided the easiest way to do this was to list out the songs that bother me and explain why. I have a feeling that you might agree with me. If you don't I don't care because you are wrong and should feel bad for your opinion.


As many of you know I was recently forced to sing this song in a ward play. Those of you that know this probably also heard me complain about how the song is a load of nonsense. The entire song is based on the premise that the Christ child was homeless. HE WASN'T HOMELESS!! At worst his parents hadn't made reservations. Any person who has read the book Jesus the Christ knows that staying in a stable or cave was quite common at that time if there was no room in the inn.  Mary and Joseph were out of town but in their normal home town they had a house.
Not Homeless
 Basically my hatred for this song stems from its scriptural inaccuracies rather than the melody. I guess in my book I hate inaccuracies more than almost anything else in the world which leads me to...

Let Him In

This song makes me so mad! All of the other Dukes can attest to this since they heard me ranting about it during the Christmas performance of Kailey's choir (which sounded great but this song caused something black and loathsome to well up inside me.) This one is also rife with scriptural incorrectness. The song states that the innkeeper didn't let the young couple in because he didn't think they could afford it and he didn't want to try and make room for them. He was a business man! He would put as many people as possible in the inn! They probably had fire codes! Or other rules! He could have lost his license or even his business! Pff to this song and its stupid message. The innkeeper has no reason to feel bad. He did what he could .He even went out of his way to let them stay in his stable. The thought that he would be haunted for life for something like that is ridiculous and downright cruel.

It looks like the Forgotten Carols should have stayed that way because the first two songs on my list both come from that show. Stupid Michael McLean. I wouldn't mind telling him my feelings with a kick to the face.

Christmas Shoes

Do I really have to explain myself on this one? The song is a joke and should never had been written.  Since my momma is gonna meet Jesus tonight she needs new shoes because I am an idiot and I think she will be taken up by a tractor beam or something like that. Also if his Mom is passing away why is he not there with her?
These are the only Christmas shoes that I find acceptable to mention. Although if someone sings about them they can expect some quick retribution. (These are LeBron James shoes for the Christmas day game)
Although this songs popularity has waned over the years I still hear it from time to time. If you hear the song start and I am nearby beware since a storm is brewing, or like they say in Winterfell "Winter is Coming". (That is a super nerdy reference and you all are going to have to deal with it.)

Mary Did You Know

This one I am adding as a shout out to my mother and to my brother-in-law Gordon. While I am not a fan of this song it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it bothers them. Basically all of their dislike can be summed up like this. How could Mary not know after she had angelic visitors that told her these things. So yes she in fact did know so your line of rhetorical questions do not need to be asked so go ahead and hush up. Shhhh....Shhhh.

There are other songs out there that bother me but I felt that four would be plenty to get my point across. Also I feel that ruining four songs for you people is plenty of damage for this holiday season. Who knows maybe I will pick some more to rant about next December.  If there are any you feel I forgot or that at least deserve a mention. Let me know and I will tell you if I agree or not. Hopefully this post will go out as a warning to all the song writers out there. If your song is inaccurate or doesn't make sense I will hate you and let you know about it so be wary. I am watching...

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